A confession from a friend

"So how do you do it?"

Drew didn't answer immediately. Instead, he picked up his glass and took a large swig of his beer.

"Do what?" He eventually asked, feigning ignorance. At least that's what I believe.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about." I said, slurring my words. I may have had a drink or two too many. I suppose that's when the worst of me comes out. And despite us being great pals, I couldn't help but feel jealous.

"Every night we go out to drink, without fail, you leave the bar with your arm around a cute girl's waist." I pointed towards a drop-dead gorgeous brunette, whose back was currently turned away from us. "Somehow, every time we go out for a drink, some beauty approaches to flirt with you. This is the 10th time it happened. Yes, I kept count."

"Trust me, it's not as fun as you think." Answered Drew.

"How the hell is it not fun to have a bunch of girls fawning over you whenever you go out?"

Drew stared at his drink in silence, pursing his lips, as if mulling over how he'd decide to answer me.

"You know those advertisements you used to see on TV of a man wearing deodorant that was supposedly irresistible to any and all women that caught a whiff of it?"

"Yes?" What was he getting at?

"Ever imagined what that would be like in real life? Just humour me."

"Fun, I guess."

Drew shook his head. "I mean really think about it. You go out into the real world, and the moment you step out the door, some stranger approaches starts touching you all over, and it doesn't let up until you've shaken her off. But the moment any woman comes too close, the same thing happens all over again. Doesn't matter who it is either. For all you know, it's an 80 year-old lady with a loving husband who's groping your ass."

"That sounds fucking hilarious." I laughed. "But no, that would be really awkward too."

"Well, imagine yourself in a similar position. You're free to roam wherever you please, thank goodness. But every time you enter a bar, the first woman to lay eyes on you will have her mind set on going home with you that night, or have you visit their home."

"Except, it's always somebody hot or beautiful, the kind of person you'd want to be in bed with." I countered.

"Except it means that whatever plans you have for that night, or the morning after, can be thrown out the window, because you've got an irresistible urge that compels you to listen to her wishes, damn the consequences." He refuted. "You've got no chance building a lasting relationship any more with the girl of your dreams, because every time you go out, you effectively risk cheating on her with a woman you only met once and couldn't keep off of you."

"...Are we still speaking in hypotheticals? Sounds like damn strong deodorant."

Drew huffed. The humour in his voice was gone. "I wrote down a wish once. On a silly little app. I think it was along the lines of: every time I go out for drinks, I'll have no trouble picking up the most attractive woman at the bar."

He finished his drink with one last gulp. "I thought nothing of it. Until my wish was granted."

"Great. Congratulations!"

"Nuh-uh. Nothing of the sort. Because apparently, now I've got no choice on the matter. No matter what place I visit, or when I visit, I'll be bringing a girl home. That's after drinks with friends, but also drinks with family. Hell, a while ago it happened at a family reunion dude. A family reunion. I've kept it to myself, because how the hell can I explain to my relatives that I've shared a bed with a cousin?"

"Are you trying to tell me some cautionary tale right now? If that's what's happening, why are you still going out?"

Drew smiled. "Well, every downside also has its upside. I can't say I dislike the sex. And I suppose it's been a while since we last met."

"Ha! You're welcome I guess. So us grabbing drinks meant nothing more than you ending your dry spell."

He raised his glass, a twinkle in his eye. "In more ways than one." He jibed, trusting that I didn't heed his words as an insult.

I paused, then I laughed. "I don't know. I feel like you're pulling my leg dude. That story's hilarious!"

Drew hummed. "Well, if you don't believe me anyway, how about I share you a link to that app? If I share it with enough people, I think I can reverse this wish so I no longer have to deal with this shit any more."

He grabbed his phone, and a couple seconds later, I felt my own phone buzz in my pocket.

Drew grabbed a crisp 50 dollar bill out his coat, placing it on the bar, then patted my shoulder. "Drinks are on me tonight. See it as an apology in advance. If you don't see me at the apartment tomorrow morning, just assume I've gone to her place."

And like clockwork, he left the bar without me, his arm draped around the gorgeous brunette's shoulder.

***

I didn't linger after my friend left the place. Standing right outside the exit, I grabbed my phone to order myself a ride back to the apartment Drew and I shared. Once done, I checked my messages. Drew's latest message caught my eye. The link to that app he mentioned, just before he left with that girl in his arms. I opened it.

The app was called Monkey Paw Interactive™. All it showed was an empty text bubble, and in the background, an unpleasant looking transparent image of an unfortunate primate's detached limb.

Might as well amuse myself while I waited. Now then, what would be something fun to wish for?

I thought back to the conversations I'd just had with Drew at the bar. Jealousy was definitely a factor in my decision-making. Was he really so attractive that any girl who saw him wanted to go out with him? Was his secret all this time some silly wish-granting app? Nonsense.

But I decided to humour him anyway. Alcohol and curiosity got the better of me. Never a good combination.

The wish itself was very simple.

"I wish I could get laid as often as my room-mate."

The response I got was instantaneous.

"Wish granted, ..."