"Ten moons of Jupiter."

“This is pretty cute,” says Chad.

“Y-y-y-y-you really think so, boss?”

Jessica, Madison, Kristen and Victoria are standing on chairs at one end of the open-air Upknott campus foodcourt, before a sea of tables packed with students. They’re frozen in place, wearing only skimpy blue-and-orange ΔΩΜ bikinis. They do not look happy.

“Next question is for Victoria. Victoria, please name ten moons of Jupiter.”

“Um… Ganymede… Europa… Io… um… Titan?”

“So sorry, Victoria. Titan is a moon of Saturn, not Jupiter.” Simon, the frat boy, in his tuxedo, attaches another small metal weight to Victoria’s bikini top. The arrogant brunette gives him a death glare as she feels the additional weight tug at the fabric, exposing the edge of her left areola to public view. He winks at her and thumbs through his question cards.

“Kristen!” Kristen has five metal weights on her bikini bottoms already. They’re riding very low on her hips, baring just a few wisps of her blonde bush to the curious campus crowds. “What year was the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth dissolved?”

“Um… 1796?”

“Wrong again!”