How Bazaar (Spanish Guitar Plays)

Gil pocketed the goggles and didn’t give them another thought. Technically the mission wouldn’t be complete until he got home, and they had a lot of work to do. Gil’s Platinum Card only gave him one hour and one point of store credit per ten real credits spent in his own shop. He’d avoided running down the clock last time, but he wasn’t about to stand around running down the clock. He made a beeline for the mead hall, trusting Rose to follow him.

“Alright. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be you or Candress, but it’s probably for the best it’s you.” He said, cracking his neck, “We only have a few hours. I might have a chat with a few people but we have a to-do list.”

Per their prior contract, Gil needed to know if Onyxia was present. If she was, he needed to show off any of his wares to her first. If she wanted something, then she could probably have it. She’d been cast as some kind of aristocratic elf slavemaster, willing and able to sell tier one companions (her easily replaced **** chattel) for the absolute minimum price that the Bazaar itself would allow to be placed on sapient life. A bit more than half a credit each, basically.

Rather than look for her directly, he scanned the mead hall for any good sources of information. He needed to focus on each person in turn to trigger the “ripple effect” that would cause each and every former incarnation he knew them by to appear in their place. It didn’t take too long to pick out a few old acquaintances sitting and talking to a young man and an anthropomorphic wolf he didn’t recognize.

“Sally!” Gil shouted over the chatter, jogging over with Rose trailing behind him. “How have you been? Any chance Tony’s around?”

Sally Whitemane had mellowed out somewhat since the first time he’d encountered her, but they’d never really been friends. She had been and probably still was a staunch human supremacist, a strangely common worldview in the upper echelons of his first test, and had been somewhat dismissive of Gil as a noncombatant elven brewer. At the moment, she was dressed in some kind of rubbery wetsuit, though her hair gave no indication it had been wet at any point in the last day. The person he really wanted to speak to was her husband, Big Tony, who knew everyone and remembered everything. If Onyxia was in the Bazaar, he’d know or be able to find out within a few minutes.

“He’s getting drinks.” The white haired knockout said, “Just wait a few moments and I’m sure he’ll be happy to speak with you.”

Gil gave her a thumbs up. Standing around and chatting would be more pleasant than checking every room himself, and probably quicker. He turned to the only other person at the table he recognized at a glance. Lillabeth looked much the same she’d looked the last time he’d spoken to her, save that her flesh was discolored and seemed to be rotting. It was much less repulsive than it really should have been, so Gil was pretty sure she’d done something to make undeath a bit less unpleasant for herself.

“Hey Lil.” He said to the obviously undead woman. “Rough test?”

“Eh, I’m dying a lot, but the three old hags I met a couple minutes after arriving warned me about that.” She said with a giggle. “Weird capture mechanic, but it’s relatively intuitive. Everything respawns, but if I kill it enough I get to capture it and it stops respawning. My document says I can also recruit someone by ‘completing their story’ but hasn’t told me dick about what that means so I’m mostly just wandering around and getting attacked on sight by most things I see. That and a lot of PvP.”

She took a drink, and stared into the nearby fire, a small smile forming on her face.

“A lot. Like, someone’s showing up once a day and I’m usually getting smoked. I’m not sure if the others have been playing longer, or if they are actual customers.”

Gil sat down next to the zombie woman and patted the bench next to himself, looking at Rose.

“Sit down unless you want to get drinks or explore. Go nuts.” Gil said, then turned to Lillibeth. “What kind? Unstructured, events, or orb based?”

“Invasions mostly. I’m going about my business and someone’s retinue gets vomited out of a portal and jumps me.” Lillibeth said, smiling. “I’m allowed to invite people in to back us up when I’m playing defense. You know, to make up for the fact I’m getting ambushed. You want in? You’d get a cut of any winnings if I call you!”

“Real **** or..?”

“Is Noa safe?”

Gil jumped and looked again at the wolf woman. She was staring at him with a calm, level expression. How did she know about Noa?

“Terra?” Gil said, then turned to the man as realization dawned on him, “Kevin? Why are you…”

The ripple effect generally only triggered once per person per test, then you were expected to keep track manually. That wasn’t really a problem most of the time, but when massive changes did happen it could throw him off. Gil usually used the excuse that he was originally an elf. They barely aged, so rapid changes confused him.

“Yeah, well, I’m in an accelerated test, I think?” Kevin said, shrugging. “Full two fifty six.”

“Why? There’s no way they’re getting any serious data from that.” Gil scoffed. “They’ll need to just pour over the logs. Wait, didn’t you say you were in a trilogy of Christmas movies?”

“Yeah, well…” Kevin said, but was interrupted by the anthropomorphic wolf beside him.

“Is. Noa. Safe.” She asked, a growl in her voice.

“I’m working on it!” Gil said defensively. “She’s still alive and the mist is gone. It’s been only a week for me and I can’t stay in that world.”

Everyone else at the table looked at him like he’d said something very odd.

“Gil… are you in slow motion?” Lillibeth asked.

“Why would a GM run a test at a decelerated rate?” Sally asked at almost the same time. “You’re really not that interesting, Gil.”

Gil did the math, broadly, in his head. “Full 256” was the general maximum fast forward speed that a test could run at. A full 256 times standard, more than half a year per day compared to the pace most testers were moving. That would have reasonably put Kevin in his mid teens if Gil had been going at standard speed, but the man on the bench was at least in his mid twenties. Of course, he’d been allowed to keep everlasting talent, so he could be anywhere from 24 to 8972. Wrinkles started to settle in after that.

Even standard was at least 16 times faster than the GMs perceived time when they were outside of the test, manifesting Avatars in shifts if they wanted to directly interact with testers or take a nap on the job. Most didn’t bother meddling, preferring to rely on recordings. It reduced culpability; the Company generally preferred a test naturally going off the rails in a measurable way over proactive management. Scrambling to correct the test by going off script could get a promotion, or it could get you slammed back into the testing masses so hard you spent the next thousand years as a subsistence farmer.

Terra, because it had to be Terra, growled at Gil to pull him out of his reverie. She hadn’t exactly looked warm in the first place, so he wasn’t sure how much was genuine anger at him specifically and how much was a general irritation at the world.

“Look, I’m working on it.” Gil said, holding up his hands, “She’s not dead, if she dies I will definitely resurrect her, and I’ve got people actively looking for her. I should be in a better position to assist within a few days, maybe by tomorrow if my shopping trip goes well.”

“Let it go, Terra.” Kevin said, putting a hand on her shoulder, “Gil might not look it, but he’s a good guy. Once he’s decided to take someone on, he’s pretty reliably decent. No matter what he claims.”

“A bleeding heart, really.” Sally said, sipping her mead, “Once he’s decided to treat someone as if they are a person, in any event.”

That calmed Terra down a little bit, but mostly in that she stopped glaring at Gil and started glaring at a book in her lap. She still seemed worried about the girl she’d helped raise, but had decided not to take it out on Gil. Of course, he didn’t know if she had been fretting for decades or felt bad for not thinking about Noa in years.

“So that is the wolf from the misty world?” Rose said, gesturing vaguely at Terra. “How exactly did she…”

Kevin sighed.

“Before you ask, it wasn’t my idea.” He said. “Like I said, I think I pissed off my GM. Every few months it’s something new. Once I had a dog, I needed to start teaching her how to play various sports or I’d get a penalty. Not even a penalty mission, with rewards, just a penalty. Turns out she’s pretty good at them. Same thing with Christmas. I’ve saved Christmas a dozen times now. Santa and I were pretty tight until Tim Allen killed him, the fucker. Anyway, she turned humanoid when aliens assassinated LeBron James and she needed to fill in for him. She got turned into a cartoon wolf girl as part of the process and just never turned back.”

“So are you two…” Rose asked, looking between the two.

Lil snorted.

“Don’t take Gil as the default.” She cautioned, “There’s plenty of people that don’t sleep with the people in their retinue. Besides, Terra is his dog, and like… his extra mom. And the star player of the WNBA.”

Kevin, however, was blushing.

“Well, actually we have been going out…” Kevin said, “After my fiancé left me for a lumberjack that runs a Christmas tree farm…”

“Aw hell man, they hallmarked you?” Tony said, his voice a deep rumble. “That’s fucked up. Hey Gil; who’s the new girl?”

Tony plopped down a large plate of fried potatoes covered in cheese and meat in the middle of the table, followed by a large pitcher of beer and a glass for everyone present, somehow including both Gil and Rose. Then he slid in next to Sally, wrapping a beefy arm around her.

Big Tony was a huge man with a barrel chest and arms like hams, currently dressed in a wetsuit nearly identical to his wife’s. Hers made her look like a pinup model. On him, the effect was a lot more like an overweight tourist. His short cropped brown hair was half covered by a pair of goggles flipped up to expose his warm brown eyes.

“This is Rosevalda Durst.” Gil said, “Currently my wife.”

“Currently?” Rose said, flatly.

“Don’t take it too personally.” Sally said, sipping her drink. “It can be quite brutal to lose someone you’ve grown accustomed to, so whatever relationship you may have? Expect it to end with the test, or at least change substantially. There aren’t many people who can manage a relationship lasting a hundred lifetimes.”

She placed a hand affectionately on Tony’s as she spoke, then shoved a handful of cheese slathered fries that told Gil she had Body Tune Up active. That was not the physique of a natural woman who ate like that.

“Who knows, you might be the lucky lady to lock him down.” Tony rumbled, “I wouldn’t bet on it, but you might.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gil said, “Tony, I appreciate the drink but can you tell me if Onyxia is around? I’ve got a thing I need to talk to her about before I can do anything else here.”

“Hope it’s not important, man.” Tony said, “last I hear, she’s got a two cycle timer and I saw her a cycle and a half ago. Probably not gonna be here for a few days bazaar time.”

“Excellent.” Gil said, his face splitting into a Cheshire grin, “First right of refusal handled, anyone have anything they’re looking to sell? I’ve got a pretty nice set of goods you might want to take a look at before I head out.”

Every veteran at the table groaned. Lillabeth threw a potato at his face.

••••••••••

Another chapter, another poll. Will Gil become a PVP mercenary? If he does, what’s his focus?

https://strawpoll.com/Dwyo3XdLDyA