Challenge 1, Part 2: Stuffed Cows and Puzzle Cheese

Tegan

Tegan has wrapped herself up in a blanket. They won’t let her leave the “recovery room,” won’t let her watch the challenge, and that mermaid freak Daphne refuses to get her a shirt. The angry archer is nibbling on an orange segment. She refuses to try the live squid “snacks.”

The lilac skinned freak is also here. At least she’s trying to be nice, even if she has some sort of perverted desire to get the vicious vixen to renounce clothing. She’s pouring Tegan some tea.

“It was just poor luck, Tegan. You got caught out of position and flat-footed. It was 4 against 1. Next time, run away instead of fight. Anything else I can get for you?”

“A shirt?”

The lilac freak makes a face, “Ew, how indecent. Anything else?”

“Something to make my boobs back to a respectable size?”

“Oh, that’s easy. You just take off those indecent pants and cast Speak with Animals. I’m sure the squid Daphne provided as part of the recovery room snack bar will have something interesting to say. If you refresh the spell, you can talk with them for nearly an hour before you run out of free casts and SP.”

“Okay. I’ll rephrase. Something to make my boobs back to a respectable size that DOESN’T involve degenerate magic?”

“Sorry, Tegan, but that’s not how the show typically works. If the audience thinks a transformation makes you sexier, they are loathe to let us just turn it off.”

At least the freak is trying to make me feel better... “Then, any way I can get some **** on the monsters that did this to me? This Shar and Susan?”

The lilac freak sighs, “Tegan, please don’t start an interset conflict. You won’t win it.”

The bitches that did this to me are on another set? Hmm... interesting. “May I watch some of that season? I should write a ‘thank you’ letter or two. If you don’t want me to start a fight, it would help to know more about who I am writing to.”

“Sure, Tegan. I’ll get that arranged for you.”

As the lilac freak walks over to set up the screen, Tegan is not staring at her butt. She definitely doesn’t find it cute. Nope.

Tegan: -20 BP (Shipping and Handling, Customized Letter Glitterbomb)

Tessa

The basement had no clues, nor did the ground floor. Kevin argues that game design would indicate that the clues would be in the opposite direction of the safe. That meant heading upstairs. The group is at the foot of the stairs, the sound of orcs mating with hu-cows reverberating in the stairwell.

“Okay. 4 rooms. Big bedroom has 2 orcs, as do the two bunk rooms on the right. The smaller bunk room past the big room has only one. The fact that they haven’t stopped indicates that they didn’t hear the fighting.”

Kevin merely states, “So, each of us takes on a room and whoever finishes first helps the others?”

“I have the most kills. I should probably take on the singleton room so the rest of you have a chance to get more points,” Andromeda offers. That is nice of her.

They all head upstairs; the common room is trashed and the doors to the bedrooms are busted open. Gaia and her kangaroo are to take on the big room, as they are most in need of maneuverability. Tessa sneaks up beside the far right hand room. Andromeda does the same towards her assigned room; it’s awkward, but the orcs are too busy rutting to notice her duck walking. Kevin knows he’ll make too much noise, so he apparently plans to dash into his room as soon as he sees the first attack.

Andromeda holds up a hand, counting down with her fingers. 3 – 2 – 1. And the fight begins. Tessa rushes in before the orcs, banging a hu-cow each, side by side, could react. Her first slash cuts deep through both orcs, then a back-hand chop from her off-hand scimitar downs one. She hears Andromeda grumble. I guess she didn’t end her one target in one blow.

“Aha! Feline Lady and her pet kangaroo strikes again!”

And the sound of Kevin trotting into his spot clangs in the hallway.

By the time Tessa hears all of that, her final orc is starting to pull out of her hu-cow, bloated with who knows what. The sea elf pirouettes, blades flashing. She didn’t know if she needed both strikes, but she delivered them. Tessa catches her breath and listens for half a beat. Behind her, Andromeda is quiet. A little bit down the hall, Gaia is cackling and making whip noises with her mouth. And what sounds like heavy meat slamming into metal rings out.

Tessa moves towards Kevin, Andromeda a few steps behind her. Kevin is blocking the doorway, keeping his foes trapped on the other side.

“I can’t make a clear shot,” Andromeda intones, hand glowing with cold magic.

Sure enough, Tessa can barely make out the face of one of the orcs over Kevin’s shoulder. Too narrow an opening for Andromeda to fire through without risking Kevin getting hit. But, Tessa’s magic doesn’t need to travel to hit. She starts reciting another poem, targeting the enemy with Hold Person.

Gaia hops out of the big room, her kangaroo summon disappearing as she does... something. Tessa does not have the best angle to see what Gaia is targeting. Whatever the temporary kangaroo-girl did, it doesn’t stop the foe from delivering another meaty slap against Kevin’s shield. And, irritatingly, the other orc breaks out of the Hold. Kevin swings his sword and, as Tessa can see off of the blade’s reflection, a vine-encased orc is in dismay. The blade must have sliced true.

I’m almost out of SP. I have to make this one count. Tessa casts Hold Person again, needing to squeeze her thighs together as the magic use rocks her body with pleasure. She holds it together, barely. Gaia bounds over and casts another spell on the paralyzed final enemy. Then, Tessa feels stronger as a bear made of green light appears and roars. Kevin slashes again and the head rolls off. That same fanfare music plays again. I guess we cleared the combat part of the challenge now.

Gaia

Okay, this Healing Spirit spell is pretty cool!

Gaia discovered that she can shape the little positive energy pulsing spirit into whatever shape she wants, so she is bouncing along with her new kangaroo friend. They didn’t ask her to cast this for any of them; she wanted to help out the hu-cows, who have all been gathered in the common room. They are recovering but their bellies are still bloated. Andromeda and Kevin are questioning the male hu-cow, his dick erect and oozing milk. Does sucking off a hu-cow cock count as cheating on veganism? I wonder...

Petmooooonia and Scarlet both come upstairs. While Scarlet hangs back, the hu-cow runs to hug the male, “Oh, Steerling, y’all are alright!”

“Outside of being filling with orc eggs, yeah,” the bull exclaims, holding his swollen belly.

Scarlet intones, “We got transport for you all to town, at least until these heroes finish securing the perimeter and we can get some guards stationed. Can all of you walk?”

As Scarlet helps the civilians downstairs, the group gathers together.

“Okay, nice to wrap up the story arc and all, but we should look for code clues. None of the NPCs knew anything about the safe code changing. The old code was apparently ‘Semen,’ all in Sylvan,” Kevin starts.

“Hey, that’s a little mean,” Gaia snaps, “You shouldn’t call them NPCs.”

Everyone gives her an astonished look. Andromeda speaks first, “We were literally told that this was a simulation, Gaia.”

“Oh,” Gaia pauses for a moment, then asks, “Then why didn’t you stop me from healing them?”

Tessa and Kevin both answer to the effect of it’s the right thing to do. Andromeda’s reply is a little more mercenary, “Hard to question an **** body.”

Then the clue hunting begins. The common room was clueless, so everyone goes to look for clues in the bedrooms. That is a big bed; it’s almost as big as Mona’s. Wonder why?

Tessa shouts out first, “Found a big letter ‘N’ in some sort of script. Can someone tell me which language this looks like to them?”

Everyone coalesces on Tessa. No one recognizes the letter. Andromeda pulls out a piece of paper and makes a note. That looks like a real fancy H to me, but I am not the thinky type.

After a bit more time searching, Kevin goes next, shouting, “My room has a big letter ‘O’ in Elvish script.”

Wow, they are very good at clue finding! Is my clue under the bed? Gaia nearly bonks her head on the bed frame when Andromeda shouts, “I think I have something, but it’s in an alphabet I don’t recognize.”

Once again, everyone gathers in the room with the shouting friend. Gaia recognizes the symbol, but Tessa beats her to it, “That is apparently the Druidic pictograph for ‘Avocado.’”

I knew that! “Is the password ‘No Avocado!’ What a sad thing to make your password...”

Tessa looks the most visibly hurt by Gaia’s suggestion. “How is that four characters, Gaia?”

“An exclamation point! Or, maybe a question mark?”

Andromeda sighs, “We will put that in the maybe category. Any other ideas?”

Everyone else strains their brains. I already solved it. Or, ooh, how about... “One Avocado!”

“We need the final letter,” Andromeda sighs, “Any luck finding it?”

“It’s not under the bed. Probably.”

Kevin is stripping out of his armor, suggesting, “We can **** the solution without it. If I am Caoimhe, then I can cast Guidance on someone. Tessa probably has one Bardic Inspiration left. We load someone up with ability check bonuses, then trigger the dice roll again.”

“Will that work?”

Kevin shrugs, “Should, assuming we do something to change the circumstances. Maybe list out the possible arrangements of the letters first, with a blank for the missing character?”

“Or we could go look for the letter in Gaia’s assigned room,” Andromeda notes, heading out to do exactly that.

Kevin continues to remove his armor, pointing out to the remaining two in the room, “There are only 24 ways a four character password could go, once you know which letters are used.”

Tessa starts listing out the possibilities. From the grumbling sounds of the arcanist android from the other side of the wall, her search is not going well. I’m sure one of my solutions is the right one. I will go try them!

Andromeda stops her, as they both reach the doorway at the same time. “Fine. Let’s cheese it. Got everything listed?”

Tessa nods, holding the sheet. Kevin notes, “Since we are cheesing this, Andromeda should be the one trying to solve it. She’s the one with the best Intelligence modifier.”

So, that is what they do. Once the transformation to Caoimhe is completed (and the chastity belt removed), the sometimes drow starts casting guidance on Andromeda. Tessa gives a rousing speech praising the arcanist android. By the time the magic is done and Andromeda furrows her brows, she starts thinking aloud, “The Druidic pictograph looks close enough to a letter ‘A’ that I want to assume that it is a good substitute. In that case, blank-O-N-A is a striking option. Who haven’t we seen all day?”

Kevin and Tessa both exclaim, “Mona!” at basically the same time.

“Exactly. M is probably in the Giant runescript. It’s the only alphabet we haven’t used yet. Is it worth a try downstairs?”

Mona

You know, for being tied up all morning, this was really fun!

Ophie had the whole ceremony and challenge broadcast on one of those schoolhouse TV on a stand with caster wheels. The maid even made a protein shake for her when she got hungry.

The opening was good. Mona was surprised that Craig got enough points to survive the penalty he’ll be getting for not qualifying for the challenge; she doesn’t know how to feel about that. On the “being a good Mistress” hand, which she is trying to do, eliminations are bad and maybe this second chance will scare Craig straight. On the other, pettier hand, this means he has another opportunity to be awful. Also, Mona is super excited for both gifts that were handed out! Andromeda was amazing when her tongue was normal sized; now that she’s got that frog tongue, it’s going to be even better! And Tegan has boobs now! Yay!

The auditions after were exciting! The idea that Jenny could move on her own again makes Mona feel really happy thoughts; she’ll try her best to support the hopefully former coffee table. I could get a catgirl maid, even if she seems a little weird! The orc girl has a super big cock and is all muscly! While she’s a little bit wary of cocks that big after Craig (and watching the challenge), the fact that she is apparently Tyalangan’s niece (Wow, is her family tree weird!) brings Mona some sense of peace. Mona wants Winter brought in for Kevin’s sake; there were some obvious tensions between mother and child and Mona didn’t follow all of it, but she’ll try her best to smooth things over. Stanley looks to be a super cute boy to domme! Him being a stapler is weird, but is it weirder that half of the stuff that’s happened this week? Mona thinks not. She doesn’t know exactly what to feel about Hoardcoin. As a pervert, the idea of a guy with two functional dicks is super interesting; as a sister, the idea of sleeping with a guy with her brother’s face is super gross. Mona drooled over Harith’s muscles and bulge. Again, the idea of him being that big scares her a little and she couldn’t follow some of the conversation, but the idea that he wants to make things up about Craig is so exciting! I bet he’ll make love to me real good!

As far as the challenge is going, Mona knows that she needs to cheer up Tegan, who did not have a good day. Maybe motorboating her will help? The others did well, clearing out the house and saving the hu-cows, without anyone getting hurt. And everyone did some cool stuff! Gaia’s kangaroo summon was funny and powerful! Andromeda dealt lotsa damage when she needed to, but gave the others space to get points themselves, which was sweet. Tessa’s magic reading power was super useful for the puzzle! And Kevin / Caoimhe did a great job leading, even if (s)he didn’t get a bunch of kills.

So, Mona was all smiles as the vault like door opens and everyone sees her tied up to a throne naked. “Hi, guys!”

Andromeda: +8 XP (See Mistress Naked [technically should have gotten it last night...])

Tessa is already moving to untie Mona, pleading, “Are you okay?”

“Never better! I got to pee into a bottle!”

Gaia is cackling as she starts to help untie Mona’s legs, “Good to hear, kid. I remember my days of peeing in bottles.”

Caoimhe looks embarrassed, blushing and turning away. Andromeda turns to the sea elf maid to ask, “Was tying up Mona really necessary?”

Ophie explains, “The ropes weren’t tight enough to hurt and we wanted to sell the aesthetic.”

Once Mona has an arm free, she starts to help, “And Ophie was here just in case things went wrong! She’s a good friend!”

Tessa has moved to untying Mona’s torso. “Did you at least bring Mona some clothes?”

“They are waiting for her in the recovery room, which we should all be transported to as soon as Mona is out of the basement.”

A few more minutes of untying knots and Mona is up on her feet. The group climb the stairs and, sure enough, the basement door opens to a lounge with an angry archer wrapped up in a blanket. The raid boss kill fanfare from Magical Cuties Go Go! plays as Mona enters the room. She hums along with it.

Tegan: +8 XP (See Mistress Naked)

“Tegan! I’m so sorry!” Mona exclaims as she rushes to give her fiancée a big hug.

Once she recovers from the sight of a naked Mona, the fox-girl tenses. “I know, these cursed cow-tits are awful, but I swear to you that...”

Mona interrupts, nuzzling into Tegan’s expanded chest the whole time, “Oh, I am not sorry about you having boobies now. They are amazing! I am sorry that you got beat up by the boss.”

Tegan bares some teeth, at least until she listens. “You... you like these gross cow-tits?”

“No, I like your big boobies. They aren’t gross and they aren’t cow-tits.”

Tegan starts to object, only for Mona to nuzzle harder. They are so big and soft and wonderful! Ahh! Wait... shouldn’t of Tegan gotten points for this yet? Tessa got points for this...

Tyalangan’s voice comes out from what sounds like a PA system, “Ladies and Craig, please report to Mona’s throne room at your earliest convenience. We have a challenge debrief to go through.”

Oh, I guess I should get dressed. Everyone else already has.

The Show-runner

A brief interruption from the main story for me to stick in our second part audience participation vote. Since it is just one vote, I did not want to make a separate chapter.

So, who did the best teamwork in the group? Ideally, this poll is not supposed to be a popularity contest; it’s to reward team play that doesn’t lead to direct XP gains. Full details here.

For those of you wondering, the party had a Full Success. Craig automatically gets last place due to not qualifying, so I did not bother putting him in the poll (save everyone from needing to drag him to the bottom of the poll anyways). For full details on all of the dice rolls (which may help you decide who was most useful), check the Behind the Scenes chapter here. Then, vote here:

https://strawpoll.com/40Zm4L8wAga

Voting closes Friday, 5 June at 7 PM (my time). The after challenge chapters may be posted sometime Saturday, depending on how long it takes to adjust my rough draft to fit the final tallies.