Chapter 43 by Gambio

Next Episode: 17th May

It’s the fan-mail chapter

“Good morning my maligned miscreants! I’m back from my vacation just in today for the amazing mini-challenge! I hope you are all very excited for what’s in store for you. Today!”

…

...

“Eh?”

Ora looked through the communal eatery and was met with very low excitement levels. Far below Mini-challenge standards.

No, was this even more gloomy and doomy than usual?

She did remember to cancel the Hag’s aura right? Checking...yep, totally did.

In fact, the only one who was having any fun was the stupid hag. She was positively beaming while staring at the doctor. Maybe she’s in love?

Ora is too young to understand how Hags choose their mates so she grabbed her emotional support butler.

“Preminger! Explain!”

The butler penguin bowed and whispered something into his Mistress’s ear.

Ora nodded a few times. “...uhu...ok...cool, cool, THE MASTER DID WHAT?”

Oh, Ohhh!

So THAT’S why the doctor had a bandage wrapped around her head! Ora thought that was strange. Maybe she should have watched the suite yesterday instead of binging the Yuki show.

Why is she cursed with this harem? She could have a perfectly functional harem like Lucy’s but noooooo, she just had to have one where the master is a sadistic psychopath!

And he is not even a fun sadistic psychopath. Just look at him, staring in the abyss as if he was trying to flirt with it!

Ugh!

Whatever.

This is fine.

Ora isn’t going to let her super special awesome mini-challenge be ruined by something small like a sadistic psycho master.

Ignoring the lichyard atmosphere, Ora went through the housekeeping quickly. “Before you can all take part in my fantastic challenge, you all got a bunch of fan-mail, so you go get through that fastfirst! Enjoy!”

The little host snapped her finger and everyone was teleported away.

Hah! She handled that pretty well, if she may say so herself!

“Mistress.”

“Yes, Preminger?”

“It appears you forgot the Victory Points update.”

…

WHATEVER!

MAILFAN TIME!

…

“Oof!”

A moment ago, Megan was pwning noobs in Club Penguin.

Now she was thrust into an extremely bland looking white chamber.

The room was almost completely without furniture. No windows and doors either.

In other words it was perfect.

If only she had her laptop.

Since there wasn’t much to do, her attention was turned towards the single piece of furniture in the room. A single desk upon which rested a single letter and a single bag.

That must be the fanmail jailbait girl talked about.

...

Someone send her fanmail?

No way. It was probably just some trolls trying to get a raise out of the lolcow.

She knows how to handle trolls though. She didn't spend 18 hours a day on Reddit for nothing.

A letter? Lol, ok boomer. Hope you enjoy dying within the decade.

Megan,

I find so much about you confusing and distasteful. You seem needlessly crude and spiteful. You also seem barely literate. It’s as if you can read but you cannot seem to write a complete sentence without numerous spelling errors, some of which are completely nonsensical.

However, it is so nice to see another contestant decide to reject the indecency of clothing. I also feel a certain kinship with how shy you are. I would encourage you to embrace the wisdom of the Lady of the Dance. She will guide and protect you, if you would only believe in her goodness and wisdom. She is also one that rejects the indecency of clothing!

Attached is a present of a sort. I understand that you may still desire a way to store items on your person, as your world does not grant pocket dimensions to it’s inhabitants. This messenger bag can hold more than it looks; just remember to feed it. Read the description for more information.

Vix also wanted to send you some snacks, but my lady love thought it would be funny to send them to de Sade instead. You are welcome to try and get them from her, if you like.

May the Lady of the Dance bless and keep you,

Skye

Royal Steward

Queendom of Nimlith Grove

First wife of Queen Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne”

…

WTF?

What a weirdo. Megan understood maybe 20% of that. She did understand that the pervert wanted to see her naked though.

…

Right, there are millions upon millions of people watching her at this very moment. Megan squirmed when she thought about it.

…

Enough about that. The lootbag looked interesting. Megan opened it, hoping to maybe some Hedgehog related merch but was woefully disappointed. The bloody thing was completely empty!

As promised there was a description attached to it though.

Bag of Clothing Devouring – This bag superficially resembles a bag of holding, but is actually a feeding orifice for a giant extradimensional creature. Said creature can detect whatever is placed inside the bag. Clothing is devoured and lost forever. Other inanimate objects can be stored in the bag, which can safely hold 8 cubic feet of material. However, the bag will consume any items placed in it unless it is fed at least 1 full outfit of clothing a day. Bag comes pre-fed.

…

Ok, that's definitely a troll.

...

Megan pulled off her jester hat and put it into the bag. Not a second later she heard the distinct sound of eating noises. The NEET yelped and stumbled backwards.

That thing is absolutely terrifying!

But also kinda hot? She could feed her enemies to it.

Hold on, it says here that it only works with clothes.

…

Megan didn’t know what came over her.

But she stripped out of her skimpy jester uniform until she was completely naked.

Then, while breathing heavily, she tossed them in the bag. Same feeding noises as before and sure enough they were gone.

…

“Hehehehehe….”

A sudden rush of heat kissed Megan’s nethers.

…

“Welcome to Cutie Kikki’s bedroom, big bros! This time we are doing an unboxing stream! Yay! Yay! I’m so excited! Let’s see what you all got for me!”

To Kikki, To our industrious Imp. I say I admire the audacity in the way you hold yourself. You seem to lack all empathy for those around you, with a delighted glee that some would reserve for birthday parties and Christmas Eve. You hold no compunction in pushing others down, nor do you bear any love for your fellow man. You are practically inhuman. To wit, I look forward to our continued business. All my contestants will now be able to submit to your services moving forward. That said, do not make the mistake of viewing this arrangement as friendship or camaraderie. Should your host decide to punish your arrogance or you otherwise become unable to serve my purposes, I shall not lift a finger to aid you. I will instead be leaning back and smiling as I observe. Alla salute Lucian Medici

“Aww thanks, Lucy!”, Kikki said with a giggle and a cute pose. “I know that demons always try to stab each other in the back and do mean stuff! That’s super scary, but I will do my very best to live up to your expectations of a true demon! Rawr!

Kikki held up her hands in a paw-like pose and showed off her fangs.

“Ok! Next letter!”

Hey Kikki,

Sooooo, first time writing one of these “fan-mail” letter thingies. Our Mistress collectively asked us to make sure everyone over there gets a letter and, frankly, like half of your harem are kinda distasteful to the gals here. You should see the face Ms. Prim-n-Proper made when you were described. Whoo boy, she really only makes that face to me and Glitterdust.

You can say I drew the short straw, you can say I can commiserate with some aspect of your whole trickster imp thing, but I get to write to you.

So, I got questions. What’s the limit on your imp deals thing? Is there one? Can you make multiple deals with a contestant? If you make enough deals, could you hit full imp? What happens if you keep making deals beyond that? You climb the devil hierarchy? If Ora (her name rhymes with Snore-a; she is such a bore-a) was dumb enough to not put a limiter on it, you could totally get to the point of overpowering her. That would be funny.

While I am quite happy here (I get laid soooooo much), I wouldn’t mind having a friend that rules a layer of hell. Just saying.

Attached is a little present from my pirating days. Enjoy!

Airika Ysgarlad

Admiral of the Royal Navy

Queendom of Nimlith Grove”

“Good questions, Rika! So, there’s a limit of one Devil Deal per contestant but it looks like for me they are unlimited.”

The half imp smirked impishly. The idea was probably to cap her at a maximum of seven Devil Deals, which sounds about right for full imp transformation. But since she can make deals with contestants from other seasons, that point was moot.

She is indeed very curious what will happen once she goes beyond that. Will she become powerful enough to take over hell? That sounds like it could be super fun!

Oh! But she has of course no desire to overpower her gracious host. That would be mean!

“Ah! And it looks like Rika also sent us a present!”

Kikki held out a small smooth stone. It felt wet and very cold to the touch which made Kikki wince.

“Eeeeh?”

Kikki pouted. “If you want to impress the future Princess of Hell you have to do better than that.”

…

“What the fook?”

Technically, Liz is in no position to read any letters, being an empty brained doggie and all. That would be dumb and lame though, so we temporarily restored human Liz for your viewing pleasure.

With a groan, the doggie delinquent looked around the barren room. "Readin'? Ya reckon I look like a flamin' galah or somethin'?"

Hah, she still thinks she can refuse. That’s cute.

“Who the fook is talking? Where am I...woaaaah!”

Liz was body controlled into the chair and **** to read.

Liz,

After getting more or less free of the whole smut show thing, I thought I’d be done with these stupid letter writing exercises, but my Mistress asked. So, I write.

You got mega-screwed. Your Master is a total wiener. Your Host is a psycho. That work schedule gimmick is bullshit. Worst of all, your sick haircut was taken from you! And your time on the smut show is just beginning. It WILL get worse.

Liz blinked.

Then she touched the top of her head.

…

“OI!”

“WHAT THE FOOK!”

Her awesome Pompadour was gone! She had killed people for less!

Fuming, she read on.

If you want some silver linings, I can give you some. For one, your dingo ears are sexy and I bet you can cum from having them played with. I decided to go all wolfy because my bunny-girlfriend experienced eargasms and they feel so fucking good. For two, since it seems you wanna bang your loser of a Master, for some reason unknown to me, you get to do that on the regular now.

So, dingo-girl, have a present and go get that wiener to bang you.

Josie

Owner of The Wulf Den

Join the Wulf Pack! Click the link to book your complementary first gym session!”

Present:

*Necknipper Collar: Dingoes go for the neck, so you should too! While the predator is wearing this collar, kisses, licks, and love bites to the neck of her prey are all super effective, dramatically increasing the arousal the prey feels from these actions. Remember to only do sexy **** to everyone!

Liz felt her cheeks flush.

"Oi, hang on a sec there, love. No way I'd wanna root Shortstuff! He's like... ya know, a little Sheila, right? He's just so skinny and weak. I can totally smash him, the little galah is like a toothpick! it's just gross! Who am I even yakking to?"

She felt her ears twitch. Liz never gave them much attention with her tail being the far bigger nuisance. The ears were kinda just...there. Still, Liz briefly wondered how it would feel to have Shortstuff touch them before quickly dismissing the thought.

Next Liz sniffed at the collar. That thing sounded even more perverted than the actual letter. Better quickly move on.

Liz. Congratulations on being the least shitty person here, and I genuinely mean that as a complement. You seem to truly like Ash and thought your attempts to toughen him up were for his own good, might even fancy him. If these things are true, I suggest letting him know that directly.

"Yeah, I reckon I copped that, like Shortstuff got the wrong bloody end of the stick...I got no drongo clue how that happened, aye? Not like I'm a Sheila who speaks another lingo or somethin'.”

She probably should clear things up with Shortstuff. It’s just that talking about it with him was kinda...embarrassing.

...

Whatever she can think of that later, time to read on.

Either way, know that you have fans who are rooting for you. Keep the **** sexy, rescue Nerd Girl from herself, protect Bimbo, and maybe even come to an understanding with Cow Tits. You'll need to stand together to deal with De Bitch. The Bad Doctor could be an ally against her as well, but I wouldn't trust the Brat as far as you could throw her. Maybe Hedgehog, that poor girl needs saving too if you're up to it. Remember that

Ora is incompetent, you can use her rules against her. I tried to send you something that could help, but Ora might have nicked it, could also help to try and get Ash to lift the no **** rule for self-defense, he's not a complete moron, he might listen. Hoping you win this show, or at least make it out the other side intact, Shar.

"Strewth, am I meant to be the bloody harem copper or somethin'?”, the dog girl grumbled. She has her hand full with making sure Princess doesn’t drown herself in a toilet.

The tip about getting Shortstuff to lift the **** ban sounded handy though. She may need to have a talk with him about that. Especially now that she got these babies.

With a grin, Liz put on the two silver brass knuckles enclosed with the letter and made a few practice punches. "Ripper, that's bonza! Cheers for the prezzie, Sheila!"

Alright and that’s that. Back to Doggie Liz.

“OI, what the fook do you...”

The words stopped as all thoughts vanished and Liz fell back down on all fours.

“WAN-WAN!”

…

“Well, well, admirer mail, is it?”

Sahara looked around the room apprehensively. In truth she had a lot of other things on her mind. It was nice to sleep in a proper bed again, even if she had to share it but the night with Daddy ended very poorly.

The clumsy doctor banged her head on the table and had to bandage her head. Daddy apparently blamed himself for this.

How ridiculous. Alas, as the future Queen of this Harem it will fall to her to set this right.

But for now she should concern herself with the mountain of fanmail she received from her horde of adoring fans. Getting through all of it will no doubt be a major hassle but perhaps one will have sent her the key to that insufferable belt, so the effort might be worth it.

However, Sahara did not see a mountain of letters, or even a key. All she spied was one single letter. Odd. Maybe more will appear once she reads this one.

Greetings human Sahara,

My wife has informed me that you are the equivalent of a princess in your world. You remind me much of my sister. That is not a “good look” for one of a noble station, if I understand your human parlance.

Servants are to be respected, not abused for your amusement. My sister did not understand this and she has gotten her comeuppance. I hope you will repent of your mistreatment of your servants before everything is taken away from you.

Perhaps your attitude can be excused by your lack of education? I have included some basic instruction on how to carry oneself in a manner befitting nobility.

Be less awful,

Lady Aelenetheria

Knight-Commander of the Royal Army

Queendom of Nimlith Grove

Second Wife of Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne

The more she read, the more Sahara began to tremble.

“H-how despicable! I do not need any education in matters of noble etiquette from a mere second wife!”

To emphasize her point, Sahara nobly ripped the letter to pieces.

“Merely being my servant is the highest of honor! My lackeys are all deeply grateful for the privilege granted. That is reward enough!”

She briefly glanced at the golden book that was also provided to her.

“H-Hmph!”, she said while pocketing it. “This might serve as a paperweight for when my gold-bars are in cleaning.”

…

AND WHY WAS THIS THE ONLY LETTER SHE GOT?

…

A pamphlet entitled “Mermaid Physiology and You!” is attached to this letter with the following brief note: “Daph just assumes that everyone learns this stuff in school. This should help make sense of some of her eccentricities. – Tyalangan”

“Carol,

Hi! Your friendly neighborhood dungeon mermaid, Daphne, at your service. You remind me of myself a lot. We both wear glasses. We both could be considered nerds. We both have the best teeth in our respective harems. So, let’s be friends!

So, you’ve had some fun transformations so far, even if they are a little underwhelming in execution. While I am happy that you have a transformation that forces you not to cover your egg sacs (you humans are weird about that), you keep covering up the egg extractors. That is the most important part to expose! How are you supposed to inject your eggs into a carcass when they are covered up by paint or band-aids? Think about your babies!

Your teeth, while very pearly and pretty, are not nearly pointy enough! How are you supposed to tear off chunks of meat from a fish you killed with those blunt teeth? A travesty! You should definitely look for an upgrade to get your teeth as sexy and pointy as mine.

Speaking of upgrades, your bio notes that you are asexual. That is such a huuuuuge handicap in this game. While your strategy of shooting for the middle of the pack is sound, given the specifics of your game rules, you may not be able to do even that long-term without sexy times with Ashley. I would recommend getting yourself a sexuality change when you got enough BP for it. You are now in a permanent sexual relationship with at least Ashley, if not some of your harem-sisters. Shizuka seemed to have enjoyed your amateur ministrations; perhaps that could be a regular thing (Shizuka’s bio did indicate that she is a lesbian, so she should be looking for love among the contestants and let your Master watch). I am attaching a little present to tide you over until you can afford to swap out your sexuality. Some of my harem-sisters got hit with this temporary effect and it is perfectly safe. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FIRST! You do not want to see what happens if you use it as a suppository.

Keep exposing those egg sacs (I love egg sacs!),

Daphne

Court Wizard

Queendom of Nimlith Grove

Fourth wife of Queen Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne”

Present: Essence of Lovely Lady Lollies (1 dose) – Upon consumption (dissolve underneath the tongue), an adult female will become mindlessly obsessed with providing blow jobs, seeking out the nearest man and doing anything, no matter how degrading, to blow him. Effect lasts 1 hour or upon swallowing a cum load, whichever happens first. Warning: long term use may induce cum addiction, internalized misogyny, and/or oral fixations. Do not take with ****, barbiturates, Pixie Sticks, or soy milk. Not a suppository.

Carol read the letter with a stone faced expression. Then she read it again.

How queer. How long has it been since she needed to read any given text twice to comprehend it?

“Thanks”, she finally pressed out. “That might be helpful.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. The notion of cunnilingus still repulsed her. She did manage to suck Pompadour’s penis, but her mind wasn’t exactly in a regular state when she did. She was so pumped full of endorphins that she would have pleasured anything. Carol wondered if that was Dr. Hayabusa’s intention all along.

The thought made her cringe.

Her Mistress made it very clear that there would be no salvation for the doctor. She would be ejected from the harem and turned into whatever twisted fate eliminated contestants awaited.

The sooner Carol stopped thinking of her as a person the better.

She looked back at the present to distract herself. It would certainly be helpful but perhaps not in the way the Court Wizard expected.

This could be a major advantage in the challenge to come. Her Mistress will no doubt be pleased.

…

Shizuka Hayabusa calmly perused the various letters and presents she received. If it weren’t for the bandage around her head, nothing would feel amiss about her demeanor.

Shizu. The smokes were a reward for telling De Stupid to sod off, it's not that complicated. That transformation really shorted out your brain if you couldn't understand a simple message. Maybe one of your pills can help. Anyways keep working with team not De Sade and more rewards will follow. Shar.

“Thanks for clearing that up”, Shizuka chuckled. “And nah, pretty sure there’s nothing that can be done for my condition. Feel free to send another package, though. I’m about to run out again.”

She glanced down at her breasts. They do seem to have gone down in size again. It doesn’t look like she has enough smokes to keep up the pace required to keep them ballooned up. Probably a good thing.

…

“Shizuka,

Hello! As the Founder, President, and CEO of the Harem Hotel MtF Fetish Fan Club, I have taken much interest in your Ashley Pompadour Project. The idea of using herbal compounds in curing gross boys of their gross boyness sounds promising for mundane worlds, especially given the progress I got to see as your introduction to the harem. You and I can talk after the season, but, should you survive, I will wish to invest in your project. Pay you in enough gold and Harem Hotel merch to run a proper lab with enough gross boy “volunteers” to test your theories properly. Your world does use gold as currency, correct?

Of course, this needs to be kept secret. MY MtF Goddess does not approve of MY good deeds in solving the gross boy existence crisis. I blame the other Mistresses. Both Andi and Mary were given a cure to their gross boyness, only for them to mostly stay out of their sexy woman form. Perhaps if MY Mistress could see another Mistress embrace sexy womanhood, mine would be more supportive of MY cause?

So, using MY attached gift will help ME too! I stole a Scroll of True Polymorph from the harem magic item armory. To use the scroll the way I want you to, picture how you want to shape your Mistress’s sexy woman form, then break the seal. The form can be anything, but may I suggest a sexy penguin-girl? Your Host seems obsessed with penguins. If you can maintain concentration on the shape for a whole hour, she will be stuck that way until the magic is dispelled by another means. And, since your world is mundane, the only one that could curse Ashley back into her gross boy form is the staff! It’s a perfect plan.

Do this for ME and not only would your efforts be seen as a good grant proposal for your Ashley Pompadour Project, I will mail you a Harem Hotel MtF Fetish Fan Club membership card! It has MY face on it!

Well, helping you is a good deed for ME. Need two more today. Good luck!

Hashtag Ashley Is A Sexy Woman Name Anyways

Glitterdust

Royal Treasurer

Queendom of Nimlith Grove”

Present: The aforementioned Scroll of True Polymorph

Shizuka chuckled wryly. “Thanks, but I have no intention of turning Ashy-ko into a chick. You probably have figured that out by now.”

The Ashley Pompadour project was supposed to be as gentle and unobtrusive as possible. Ashy-ko always had a very scrawny body, all she really had to do was make sure it remained that way. An actual sex change would have been too invasive. Maybe if Ashy-ko showed a desire she would have acted differently, but for better or worse he clearly identifies as male.

Well, she did vote for that first option back when it came to Ashy-ko’s transformation. She did so because it was the least destructive option but she can’t really fault people for getting the wrong impression. The doctor briefly pondered how many people she ended up pissing off with the reveal last night.

Not to say that polymorph scroll couldn’t come in handy. If ever one of the girls is in need of a little sex up, she got the solution. Too bad it doesn’t fix personalities.

Shizu moved on to another present. A kinky looking whip. There was no letter explaining what she is supposed to do with it. Included were only the following pictographs.

Please log in to view the image

…

“...the fuck?”

…

Dahlia read the letter with a tense expression.

Dahlia,

I certainly do not envy the position you find yourself in. While being metaphysically bound to your best friend is something, having all of your harem-sisters be there due to their cruelty to him is not great. Especially considering that, with the possible exception of one or two, they are all irredeemable scum as they are right now. Also, I didn’t believe there could be a worse Host than the hag we first got stuck with, but that Ora is a whole new level of awful. You, my dear, have your work cut out for you.

If you are tempted to abandon some of the sisters foisted upon you, whether out of a sense of justice or pure self-defense, please be aware than eliminations are awful. My Mistress has been living with the consequences of the eliminated contestant from our season for a century or so and she still hurts from it, despite how much that elimination was earned. I am not sure that Ashley is strong enough to endure a bunch of broken beauties bound to him, though the rules of your season may be a little vague there; if elimination truly gets Ashley free of them, the situation may change. Dooming them to a fate worse than **** may cost you your soul and your relationship with Ashley though. You have a better measure of him than I do.

Someone is going to have to get all of you to come together to survive the show. I imagine the only one who relishes that task would be de Sade; I suspect that you would be better suited. Stay strong and whip the degenerates into shape. Here is something that can help. A chance to convince some of the others to get on board the “Team Family” (or whatever you want to call it) train. Read the instructions and use it wisely.

Wishing you well from afar,

Scarlet

Matron of the Order of the Silvery Moth

Proprietor of The Glittering Moonfire Spa

Third Wife of Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne”

…

The brunette gave a determined nod.

“Thanks Scarlet. It is nice to find someone who understands my situation. As much as they may deserve it, elimination is not something I desire as punishment for these bullies.”

It was more for Ash’s sake, she knew. He would not handle elimination well.

She didn’t like the way Ash looked this morning. Dahlia wanted to talk to him about what happened but there was no time and she doubted there would before the challenge.

Regardless, it was further proof that they needed to be punished. Not by elimination but more conventional means. It was Dahlia’s duty to see that Ash will get his ****.

Her attention was then drawn to her present. A small bottle of perfume.

Perfume of Beguiling (1 dose) – When applied, the effect of the perfume lasts 1 hour or upon orgasm, whichever occurs first. For the duration, Dahlia has advantage on all Charisma checks directed at humanoids. Those subjected to the perfume’s effect are not aware that any resulting checks have been influenced by magic.

Dahlia stared at the bottle for a great long while.

That sounded...unethical. Basically just a step removed from mind control. But used properly it might finally allow her to let some of these girls see the light.

She clutched the perfume carefully.

…

De Sade looked around the room with a bored gaze.

“What a tremendously uninspired venue for fanmail.”

Fanmail was an event, a celebrated spectacle and an important aspect of networking. All that was clearly lost to their inept host.

It makes no matter.

“I suppose you wish to see what letters were sent my way?”

The teacher seated herself and flipped one open.

“My, this is quite interesting.”

She then looked directly at the camera.

“Cut the feed.”

BZZZT!

…

Matters were slightly different for Ashley.

Unlike everyone else, he was transported to a rose garden. Ora’s rose garden to be precise.

“Ah, my femboy”, Ora smirked from across the table. “How nice of you, that you could join us.”

She wasn’t the only one in attendance, Cherry and Preminger both sat at the table as well.

…

“...why am I here?”

The penguin butler cleared his throat. “Master Pompadour. It would behoove you well to turn that frown upside down. Your...behavioral issues are most displeasing to the esteemed mistress and quite frankly it simply does not make for good reality television.”

“...I threw a cup at Shizu.”

The little host winced. “Yes, you do not have to remind me of that. But like just...walk it off?”

“That...doesn’t make any sense.”

“You don’t make any sense! Anyways! I know exactly what will cheer you up! Mails! Of the Fan variety!”

Fanmail?

The mere thought made Ashley wince.

He could imagine what sort of “fanmail” the audience will send him after what happened yesterday.

But it was very clear that refusal was not an option. The first letter already hovered in front of him and he was **** to read.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiii, Ashley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I masturbated to you so much when I got dreamnapped into porn land. You are sooooo cute! Totally adorable! I wanna lock you up in a chastity cage, dress you up in a frilly maid outfit, and lovingly peg you until you cum over and over again! You know, because you can’t masturbate! Or, you can, but it doesn’t work? You need help and I wanna give it. I don’t know how to make you having more courage sexy. Oh, unless you’d be too scared to do what I suggested, but now you aren’t! You think my Host and your Host could arrange a field trip so we can make that happen?

Phew, that felt good. It’s nice to start with my allotted “one paragraph of horny little gremlin thoughts.”

So, have you figured out how to navigate this weird porn harem thing we’re trapped in yet, because I haven’t. I get your points system is very different than mine, so I won’t bother you about figuring ours out. I’m trying to be a good Mistress, but it’s hard, what with the responsibilities and the pressure to not screw up and the diet and exercise plan and Craig. I just had my second date last night and I think it went well, at least. Is it weird that my best date ever is with an eco-terrorist and involved me getting attacked by an aphrodisiac vine monster (vines are like plant tentacles, and, therefore, hawt!)?

I still don’t know what to gift to send with these. Ahhhhh, here, my snack I never got around to having yesterday (this diet I got put on is weird). Enjoy!

Thanks in advance!

Mona”

“Oh, right, that’s from the season that’s totally ripping my genius off”, Ora declared smugly while drinking the gift that came with it(a cherry flavored protein shake) “I’m sure I can arrange a play-date if you really want to. Not sure I personally want to mingle with these losers. As Harem Hotel’s greatest host I have to be careful with who I associate myself with. Sluuuuuurp.”

Ashley ignored her. That person who wrote him appeared to be another master. And, disturbing fantasies about him aside, she clearly did a much better job in managing the harem then him.

Not that this was that grand of an accomplishment. You couldn’t do much worse than him.

“LESS MOPING, MORE READING!”

He quickly was **** to move on to the next letter.

“Ashley,

I hope this letter finds you well. Or, at least as well as circumstances will allow.

Like you, I was kidnapped by interdimensional smut peddlers to be the head of a harem for the amusement of the multiverse. Like you, I found myself in the clutches of a cruel, incompetent psychopath. Like you, I found myself in a nightmare game. And, yes, you are in a nightmare you cannot wake from. Yours may very well be worse than mine.

The particulars of your season’s rules and cast feels suffocating. The zero-sum nature of the rule set and the fact that most of your contestants are sociopaths seemingly unwilling to repent of their abuses of you gives you a nigh impossible task. It is admirable that you want to keep them all safe, despite the difficulty. Keep that attitude. I will tell you that eliminations are painful, even when the contestant actually earns it. I am not sure if your foe will make you write any eliminations like my season’s set like my producer made me write mine, but you will be stuck with the result regardless.

Resisting the will of Ora will also be difficult. Seasons that can be boiled down to “****!!!!!!” like yours tend to result in the Master giving into the dark desires of their twisted Host. Hold onto that courage the audience gave you. Frankly, you are still lacking in the mental fortitude department even with the boost. From what I can tell, Ora is a megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur. You might be able to exploit her slapdash nature. Look for chances to do so. It’s a risky play, but it’s the best one you got. Most Masters only get at most one chance to pull the coup; Ora seems like the type that will give you many, if you can be valorous enough. In summary: grow a pair, kid.

The final bit of advice may feel strange, but should be said regardless. Control your urges. You have repeatedly made stupid, stupid mistakes in the game because you were thinking with that little Ashley between your legs instead of your head.

Do know that you are not alone. There are many Masters/Mistresses. We even have a support group. Reach out. Ask for help. We may only be able to give you a kind word, but I do have some connections if it comes down to it.

Presents, assuming the psycho allows them. First, a two-tailed fox plushy. It has a Calm Emotions enchantment on it; give it a squeeze and it takes the edge off of harsh emotions. It might help Megan get over her **** social anxiety? Second, something to help you with your spine issue. Your bio said you like panties. I hope that wasn’t a joke. Enjoy?

Regards,

Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne

Ruler of Nimlith Grove

Masters Support Group – Member Emeritus”

“Ha...ha...hahahaha...”

Ashley let out a hollow, empty chuckle.

“FUCK”, he cursed.

“FUCK!”

How did this person he never even met managed to hit the core of the matter with such pin point precision?

He clutched the Fox Plush. It probably was just a Placebo effect. But he felt himself calm down.

...

“I’m not giving in”, Ashley finally proclaimed resolutely.

Ora briefly looked up from her drink. “Huh? You want to be in panties? Sure thing.”

“What? I didn’t say any...E-eeeek!”

“Hm, I don’t feel particularly different”, Ora commented as she observed the half naked master. “Are we sure these aren’t a scam?”

“It says here they only work on allies”, Cherry commented dryly.

*Cheeky Panties of Cheeky Courage – Allies within 10 feet of the wearer of these magical panties are immune to the frightened condition. When said panties are the only article of clothing visible between the waist and the ankles, this effect extends to within 30 feet of the wearer. In case it’s not already obvious, the wearer is both an ally of and within 10 feet of the wearer.

“I-I’m an ally!”, Ora sputtered. “I totally support his creepy panties wearing fetish!”

“Sure”, Cherry nodded. “Looks good on him though.”

“Indeed”, Preminger nodded along. “These undergarments are most fetching, Master Pompadour. You should gallivant around in them more often.”

“G-Give me my clothes back!”, sputtered a very red faced Ashley.

“Hm let me think…”, Ora tipped her chin for a few seconds. “Nope! We need something to cheer the contestants on and at least like this you are no longer moping around the whole time.”

“N-No way! I’m not…!”

WHINY MASTER TANTRUM CUT FOR BREVITY.

That was enough time Ora could spend on the master. The audience was probably already getting bored with those LAME letters.

Time to finally get to what everyone’s waiting for! Her own presents!

Fanmail already? Eager are we? Well, I hope you’re not too sore about me indulging in your imp’s little scheme. I thought you might appreciate the attention it draws to your season when people inevitably ask ‘Who is Kikki?” That said, I figured you were more for a hands-on approach, so colour me surprised by the free-range method you have for your contestants. Mind you, they don’t need much prodding to step all over each other, do they? I do hope you have a plan for the De Sade women; potential insurgents are best brought to bear early, lest they entrench their roots and become impossible to dismiss. The rest are motley crew of miscreants likely to endanger themselves as they are to each other or the master. It's quite the circus you’re putting on, and while I am enjoying it very much I find I might need to let things develop more before letting my cast view it. Let it age like a fine wine. Speaking of, to show my appreciation for the provided entertainment, I have attached a small parcel containing Genoa ham, a sharp cheese, and some crackers to enjoy them with. Accompanying it is a fine preserved fruit drink to match with the saline nature of the meal. Alla salute Lucian Medici

“Uh, more food from Lucy!”

Ora wasted no time in digging in. Lucy might be a smug little femboy, but he knows how to cook! (Pun intended)

“Yes, I agree the hag is super annoying. But don’t worry. Plans are already in motion to deal with her. Permanently.”

Ora cackles ominously.

“There are, Mistress?” Preminger asked curiously.

“I doubt it”, Cherry wise crackers.

“Ugh! Ok fine! I have zero plans! But! That's because I'm a cool and mature host!”, Ora explained while munching on some cheese. “I’m not interfering with the game all that much. That’s something only loser hosts do. Which I am not.”

“It’s more because you're too lazy.”

“S-shut up, Cherry! Next letter!”

Ora and Cherry,

Hi! Your friendly neighborhood dungeon mermaid, Daphne, at your service. As a member of the “Marcie and Gina Reviews Official Masochist Mode” in outstanding... standing, I wish to thank you for taking the time to respond to my review of Clothes for Likes (Concluded). Since we reviewed the whole thing in one go, I won't have an opportunity to reply in the magazine. So, I thought I would write to you directly! Like pen pals! I feel like we really bonded over this process and would like to be friends! I mean, my wives and Skye all have their goddess friend in Eilistraee, so why can’t I have a goddess friend? And I would be the only one in the harem to have a Cherry friend! That sounds special, right?

So, in the spirit of our future friendship, I wish to offer the following retorts:

I am writing this letter at the bottom of our harem pool on special paper and ink that mermaids make. You may notice the strange texture of the page? I understand that, as a goddess to humans from a mostly mundane world, you may not be aware of the literary legacy of mermaids. It’s perfectly understandable.

The embarrass-o-meter being introduced in the middle of the game was cheating in and of itself. Introducing new mechanics in the middle of the game designed to punish the players is something only the lamest of meanies do. Or toddlers. Toddlers do that.

Also something the lamest of meanies do is cut quotes to make people look bad. I totally acknowledged you were a gyrocopter in the previous sentence. It just felt weird to end two sentences in a row with the word gyrocopter.

Finally, I believe the best way to close a review is to fade to black right before having sex with your wife. You should try it next time! You are married, right?

“Grrrrr….”

Ora squeezed the penguin plushy she received as a present. “Cherry. What do we say in response to this libelous slander?”

“I dunno”, Cherry shrugged her shoulders. “Seems fairly legitimate criticism to me.”

“Ugh! My Femboy! Defend my honor!”

“You...were a gyrocopter?”

“ENOUGH ABOUT ME BEING A SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED GYROCOPTER THAT WAS PILOTED BY CHERRY!”

Ora furiously read on.

Finally, presents to help seal our friendship! For Cherry, your bio says that you like strawberry shortcake and squirrels, so I had Skye make you a strawberry shortcake in the shape of a happy squirrel! You may wish to not share it with Ora, because she intentionally used Holy Water as an ingredient in an attempt to poison Ora. I don’t know if Ora is immune to Holy Water as a goddess or will take damage from it as... being morally interesting. Yeah, that is a polite way to put it.

For Ora, your love of penguins is very obvious. Our show-runner has a theory about that, but wishes to keep it to itself. Anyways, I had one of the Esmeralda Campbell-Copse-Woods in the Hotel canteen make you a penguin cake! She adapted the crab cake recipe Skye makes for me for special occasions. Enjoy!

Daphne

Court Wizard

Queendom of Nimlith Grove

Fourth wife of Queen Tyalangan, 48th Queen of the Copse-Wood Throne

Certified “Enthusiastic Marine Wizard with Boundary-Setting Quirks and Strong Feelings about Salinity” by Harem Queen Sam Collins!

“PENGUIN FOOD!”

All criticism was forgotten as Ora eagerly dug into her penguin cake. “And I’m not allergic to holy water. I’m a goddess, so if anything it powers me up!”

“Right”, Cherry said while enjoying her own cake. “Oh, there’s a letter for me too.”

“Cheryl,

I hope this letter finds you well. Or, rather, as well as can be expected, given your enslavement by that shitty little brat.

I believe I have come up with a way for you to escape her clutches once and for all. If you are interested, please be sure to personally deliver whatever petty bullshit Ora comes up with after she opens my present to her.

Regards,

Tyalangan

A Humble Host

Harem Hotel: Woo the Girl, Save the World”

Cherry allowed herself a smirk, making sure to not show the letter to Ora. “Thanks, but I think I manage. Someone has to keep an eye on the shitty, little brat.”

“Stop insulting the master like that”, Ora complained with full cheeks. “Tish cake tashtes funny…hold on.”

…

...

“THIS IS ACTUAL PENGUIN!”

…

“YUMMY!”

Ora continued eating happily.

Both Ashley and Preminger looked at Ora, as if they really and urgently wanted to be anywhere else.

Meanwhile Ora perused another letter. Wow, she got a lot! I mean, obviously. She is the star of the show after all. And speaking of star, this one is from Shar. Wow, she is on a roll today!

Dear Ora. I noticed that my gift for you got nicked before you could really enjoy them. I sent you a second set but don't know that it reached you so sent a third with this letter just in case. You may have to do something with Marvelous, getting herself eliminated through sheer stupidity isn't really that entertaining. Neither is getting your own self eliminated because you let the annomaly stab you in the back, keep a very close eye on someone that can control your cameras. You don't know what other systems she could usurp as well. Wishing you a good season, Shar. (enclosed, even more blow pops and a penguin plushy)

“Huhhhh?”

Ora stared at the letter with wide eyes. “G-getting myself eliminated? What? Cameras? Usurp? Blow Pops?”

The little host whirled around 360 degrees.

“PREMINGER! WHAT IS THIS ABOUT USURPING CAMS?”

The penguin looked very nervous. “Y-your omnipotence, this surely is beneath your notice.”

“Clearly”, Cherry said, finishing off the rest of her cake. “De Sade cut the feed numerous times during the show. Even had an obnoxious catchphrase for it.”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ora checked her records.

It’s true.

On multiple occasions had de Sade cut the feed to her brilliant show and used her connections to get a leg up in the competition.

She called her, the most competent individual in existence, inept.

AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN SHOW HER FANMAIL!

…

“UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“M-Mistress Ora...please...hack, don’t squeeze me as hard! My feathers are getting most ruffled!”

Ora continued to furiously squeezing Preminger. “That’s it! The hag has meddled with my show for the last time! I am adding an n, e r to the hag right now!”

“...Hagner?”

“HANGER! COAT HANGER! HAG HANGER!”

“M-Mistress Ora...p-please wait!”, Preminger begged.

“WHY SHOULD I?”, the little host roared. “Give me just ten. Ten reasons!”

“R-right away, my Mistress. Number 1) It would be most uncouth. Number 2) It would spoil your magnificent show, Number 3) By doing so you would admit defeat. Number 4) Coat hangers are dreadfully out of fashion Number 5) The audience might be most displeased by this. Number 6) Your contract stipulates that no elimination can occur beyond the end of a round. Number 7) We have yet to find a replacement for de Sade. Number 8)...it...it would put your fairness and impartiality into question, Number 9) ...*ehem* Well, I humbly protest! Number 10)...ehem….N-Number 10...”

“I’m waaaaaiting, Preminger!”, Ora squeezed more.

“Number 10) She might be stronger than you.”

Ora dropped Preminger.

“Haaaa?” And looked at her pink haired maid with an open mouth. “W-what did you just say, Cherry?”

“You heard me”, Cherry responded calmly.

“No, no, no”, I heard you moving your mouth and making noises that sounded like words but, these words made no sense!”

Cherry rolled her eyes. “Come on, you shitty, little, brat, you can’t be that conceited.”

“No! Cherry, Cherry! I...I mean, I get what you are saying! But, like. You know how strong I am! I’m super powerful! If I were to fight against the world bantam weight champion I would win!”

“I beat you.”

“I was just humoring you!”, Ora gasped, sounding genuinely offended. “Cherry! After all these years we spent together, are you really questioning my omnipotence?”

"More like denying it's existence."

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

Finally Cherry sighed. "Look, it's just...I met your producer and the guy scared the crap out of me."

"Mr. Penguin? He don't scare me none.", the little host gave back cockily.

"...all I'm saying, there's always a bigger fish."

“No, there isn’t! I’m the biggest fish!”, Ora angrily stomped her foot. “My femboy, say something!”

“W-why me?”, Ashley blubbered.

“Ugh! You’re as useless as your panties! Preminger! Emotional support!”

The penguin Butler bowed. “Certainly, my mistress. Dame Cherry, I can understand your concern, but as someone who served the Mistress for considerably longer, please let me assure you that there is no power in this universe that is a match for her.”

Ora smugly nodded along but Cherry didn’t seem convinced.

“Fine. Just...try to not get in over your head for once? Because you tend to do that. A lot.”

“Ugh, and you tend to be insufferable! Also a lot! Why do I even put up with you?”

“Because you have a crush on me?”

“SHUT UP!”

Furiously, Ora opened her last letter. This better be from Sally!

“Ora,

I hope this letter finds you well. I caught your absolutely amazing season on Harem Hotel Hereafter and just could not wait to bask in the wisdom you can bestow upon me! My season has started recently and it pales in comparison. I’m sure that, with your advice and assistance, my pitiful effort will rise up to a tenth of your magnificence!

Of course, what sort of supplicant would I be without providing a gift? Me and mine spent quite a bit of effort to assemble this. I am sure it will meet your satisfaction.

I have also prepared letters for your wards, if you would do me the kindness of delivering them.

Regards,

Tyalangan

A Humble Host

Harem Hotel: Woo the Girl, Save the World”

Oh, right, that was the host from the loser season again. Finally, some proper groveling. It did calm Ora down a bit.

The present did catch her eye. It was a box, covered in cool penguin stickers with a handle sticking out.

“What is this?”, Ora asked.

“I...uh...think this is a Jack-in-the-box?”, Ashley offered timidly.

Ah.

One of those creepy clown pop up thingies?

Clowns, huh? That sounds suspiciously like Ghosts. Could this be another elaborate ruse by the Ghost host to ruin her season?

Employing another host to do her dirty bidding. That is exactly something that nefarious ghost host would pull!

“You pop it”, she pointed towards Ashley.

“W-why me?”

“Shut up and do it or I sell pictures of you in panties on the dark web.”

With a wince, Ashley began pulling the lever. A melody began to play, although it wasn’t pop goes the weasel.

If anything it sounded more like the opening theme from JAWS.

Then the box popped open and Ashley was hit in the face with a massive wall of water, which under normal circumstances would have killed him instantly, but for the sake of comedy did not.

Ora barely had time to scream before the one hundred million gallons of seawater began filling up her rose garden.

“MY ROOOOSES!”

…

Ora, Cherry and Ashley were sitting in a life raft. (Preminger didn’t make it)

“THAT IS THE WORST PRESENT EVER!”, Ora fumed.

“Moping that up will be a major pain”, Cherry groaned while staring out at all the water. “Oh fantastic..."

Ashley followed her eyes. He could swear he could make out a dorsal fin.

“S-shaaaaarks!”, Ora gasped. “I hate sharks! They eat penguins!”

“So do you.”

“Shut up! How am I supposed to hold a mini-challenge with a bunch of sharks swimming around! This will ruin everything!”

Then suddenly Ora stopped.

Wait…

She could make this work.

*cackle*

*CACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLE!*

That foolish ghost host just signed her own undeath warrant!

…

“This is why I am saying we all need to agree on a strategy!”

Dahlia, for the umpteenth time, attempted to get everyone to agree on a way to make it through this mini-challenge, but this was easier said than done with de Sade’s aura crippling about half of the harem.

After the fan mail, they were all transported back to the communal eatery, where they remained ever since. Nobody seemed to have an idea when this challenge was actually to start or what it was even about, only adding to the anxiety.

Liz was the first who noticed it, her ears perked up as she stared at the ceiling.

"Eh, is that rain?"

Kikki looked upwards with a curious expression just as a droplet of water landed on her nose.

Then suddenly, heralded by a ding dong sound, they heard the voice of their ever so benevolent host.