To a world that I confess I do not know

Ultimately, Ella had the right idea when it came to dispersing the awkward tension in the air.

Ignore it.

That’s what Amelia tried to do, anyway. She walked over to the golden bookshelf on the far wall and began scanning it for something to read- something other than the smut that the host (Sylvia or Dakota, Nick wasn’t actually sure) had put on display. Not an easy task, but it served as an adequate distraction for the teacher, and with Ella busy cleaning Nick found himself no longer the center of attention.

It should have been a relief, but it wasn’t. He still felt uncomfortable, even though nobody was looking at him. Shaking off those feelings he tried to find something to occupy himself, and not knowing how Amelia would react if he tried to play video games, turned his mind towards reading as well.

That’s when he spotted the **** mystery Mary had discarded back when he and the girls had first come into the Master’s Suite. It was still lying there forgotten on the floor. Well, if Nick wanted to make himself useful, picking it up would be a good place to start.

He leaned over and reached for it, only to pause when he heard a gasp from beside him.

“Ah!”

Nick snapped his head around, and discovered that he wasn’t the only one to have that idea. Ella was staring at him with wide eyes, and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Nick felt his own face heating up.

“I-I shouldn’t have presumed,” Ella said, stepping back. Nick noticed that even though she was clearly flustered, she wasn’t snapping her rubber-band. That was progress, and he couldn’t help but feel proud of her.

“No, it’s fine,” he assured her, giving her a gentle smile. “I shouldn’t have tried to do your job for you, Ella.” That being said, he still picked up the book, putting it down on the golden end table.

Ella let out a faint sigh of relief and looked gratefully at him for a second. Then she cleared her throat.

“S-so, um…”

“Yeah?” Nick was surprised she was speaking to him. But maybe it was alright? With Amelia occupied with the books, things between him and Ella didn’t feel nearly as awkward as they did before.

But then Ella’s eyes slid over towards his stepmother before flickering back to him briefly, and that all changed. He could see the hesitation in her gaze and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“Let’s go over here if you want to talk,” he said suddenly, escorting Ella further away from his stepmother. It was the first thing he could think of, and to his relief, she acquiesced to his request, and the two of them were soon far enough away that Amelia wouldn’t be able to hear if they were whispering.

Ella gazed up at him, still a little nervous, but also a little grateful as well. “It… it’s really not a big deal,” she said, keeping her voice low like her head. She glanced down bashfully at the floor. “It’s just… I wanted to know more. If… if that’s okay, I mean…”

Nick wasn’t sure what she meant at first. “Know more… you mean, about Amelia and I?” He asked.

She nodded her head timidly. “I-I know it’s private,” she murmured, chewing on her lip, “but… I just can’t help but think…”

It was hard for her to say. She wanted to get to know Nick better, but it was hard when she feared asking him the wrong thing. So she looked up at him with pleading eyes, practically begging him to see things from her point of view.

“It’s alright,” Nick said, sensing Ella’s anxiety. It was rolling off of her like the smell of weed used to roll off Gina. “It’s not really something I’m trying to keep private or anything. I can tell you a little bit about my relationship with Amelia.”

“R-relationship!?” Ella squeaked, her eyes widening like saucers behind her bangs.

Nick turned scarlet. “Lower-case ‘r’ relationship,” he clarified.

But Ella didn’t know what that meant.

Feeling even more embarrassed now, Nick struggled to clarify. “…Not… the kind of relationship you’re thinking of,” he assured her. “She’s just my stepmom. We’re close, that’s all.”

He knew this was a risky topic given Ella’s own past experiences, but hey- she was the one who brought it up! And he knew that the last thing she would want him to do was walk on eggshells around her. So he tried to be as upfront and direct with her as he could be, and hoped that he wouldn’t trigger any unpleasant memories.

“So what do you want to know?” He asked, giving her an earnest smile. “I’m an open book.”

Ella bit her lip again. Her eyes flickered over to Amelia, and just from that Nick could see how deep her feelings of doubt and anxiety ran, as far as his stepmother was concerned. He opened his mouth, but then paused. What exactly could he tell her? It’s not like anything he said could really comfort her right now.

“Is she… nice?” Ella finally managed to ask, turning back to him.

Words couldn’t describe how relieved Nick felt to have her ask him that. Because it was a question he could actually answer!

“She’s very nice,” he assured the timid girl. “It’s just… that she has a hard time reaching out to people and showing them how she really feels.” In the back of his mind, Nick thought about how it would be a lot easier for Amelia and Ella to get along if Ella was sleeping with him. Then Amelia would see her as a daughter, instead of a stranger with a damaged psyche. But obviously he wasn’t going to say that part out loud.

Ella nodded slowly, accepting that response. Nick saw her visibly relax a little, and her hand lowered from her wrist. He hadn’t even noticed her reaching for her rubber-band again.

“Okay… that’s good,” Ella said, nodding. She looked up and met his gaze again. “I’m glad…”

Nick could tell there was something else she wanted to ask him. He had no idea what it was, but she was giving him such an intense look that it either had to be another burning question for him to answer, or she wanted to kiss him.

…Now that he thought about it, he’d never fulfilled his promise with her about kissing Cinder, had he?

…

…This probably wasn’t the right time to bring that up, though.

“You said also…” Ella’s voice came out even lower, barely even a whisper now. Nick had to strain to hear it at first. And it looked like she was straining herself even speaking. “About… you two… you were talking about… how they met?”

Ella was very careful with how she worded this next part. “And… how you were really little when it happened.”

She glanced at Amelia again. It amazed her, how young the other woman was. Ella had been quite young when her own father had remarried, of course, but she was significantly younger than Nick. At 21 years old, she was 6 years younger than he was, and he was only 10 years younger than his stepmother! It was amazing to Ella, how young Amelia must have been when she got married. Younger than she was now, even.

“Amelia married my dad when I was only 8 years old,” Nick confirmed, nodding. “I know that sounds really young, but-”

Ella quickly shook her head. “I was… even younger,” she confessed. She gazed up at him with wet eyes. “So does that mean… your mother also died when you were really young?”

It was a really personal and invasive question. As soon as it passed Ella’s lips she regretted it, and Cinder pushed back against her so hard she was almost overwhelmed by her alter. But she snapped her rubber-band with a “Thwap!” to keep her other self at bay.

She really, really wanted to know. Because… twisted as it was… it felt like she and Nick finally had something in common that they could bond over.

Seeing how much this meant to Ella, what else could Nick say? Even if he didn’t like talking about his mom, he knew that Ella was forcing herself even harder to share about her past. She was making an effort. He could afford her the same courtesy, couldn’t he?

“She did, yeah,” he said, nodding. “It was a really rough time for me. I… I don’t remember her that well, if I’m being honest.”

There were just faint memories. And photos in his dad’s old picture albums. But it wasn’t the same as really knowing her.

Ella nodded sympathetically. “I never got to know my mom, either…” she admitted. “She died when I… when I was just a baby.”

It hurt so much, talking about that. She clutched her wrist, trying to resist the urge to snap her rubber-band again. It was hard to fight it.

Nick could see the strain on her face. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, reaching towards her. He hesitated, not sure how Ella would respond, but when he saw she didn’t pull away, he rested his hand on her cheek and tilted her face up so he could look her in the eyes. “You’re alright now. We both made it past that pain, didn’t we?”

Ella paused, letting Nick’s words sink in. They’d both made it past their pain… wasn’t that just a lovely way to think about it?

She couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding. She wiped her eyes dry. “You’re right.”

Ella had never known her mother, and she’d lost her father when she was really young. What happened after that… had been a nightmare. But it was all in the past now. And as for Nick…

“You’re lucky,” she murmured, biting the inside of her cheek. She was trying her best not to be bitter, but she couldn’t help feeling a little jealous.

“Huh?”

Ella raised her head and looked at him again. Her eyes had a petulant spark in them that left Nick feeling surprised.

“I said, you’re lucky,” she repeated, a little louder. “You said Amelia was nice…” She looked at the older woman again. Amelia had finally found an adequate book, it seemed, and had sat down to read it. She wasn’t paying either of them any mind, engrossed in the story.

Ella turned her gaze back to Nick. Her expression was hard to read.

“It would have been better… if she had been my stepmother, too.” It felt just awful of Ella to blame him for something like that. But she couldn’t help what her heart was feeling. And she knew- or she hoped she knew- that Nick wouldn’t hold it against her for resenting his good fortune compared to her own troubles, just a little bit.

…Right?

…She hoped so…

“Yeah, that would have been nice,” Nick conceded, not sure what else to say. He knew that anything would have been better than the life Ella had lived up to this point, the poor girl.

Ella let out a tiny gasp and her brow furrowed. She got a strange look on her face, that was mostly a frown, but with a little extra. Then she took a step backwards and looked at Nick with an expression that seemed more suspicious than not.

“But… we would have been siblings if that happened,” she pointed out. “Stepsiblings. …Kind of.”

That took Nick’s brain in an unpleasant direction. He quickly shook his head. “Yeah… maybe that’s not the best idea,” he agreed.

Ella snorted out a tiny little giggle even as she played with her rubber-band. “Could you imagine? Gosh… that would be so weird!”

Her eyelashes fluttered behind her bangs and she gave Nick another smile, a softer one this time. It seemed like whatever tension had been building up inside her was gone now, and she was feeling a lot better about everything.

“Thank you for telling me about Amelia,” she said. “And thank you for being so sweet about… my situation.”

That had really meant a lot to her. She’d had it hard, and she knew Nick knew that. So for him to open up to her even knowing how sensitive of a subject this was for her trauma, treating her like just an ordinary girl, a friend, even- it really meant a lot to her.

“I’m just glad you’re feeling better,” Nick said. “Sorry for making everything so awkward for you today. I hate doing that.”

“Hate making things awkward for me? Specifically?” Ella giggled again, her eyes twinkling. It was good to see her smiling like this. “How sweet.”

Her voice oozed with an odd mixture of sincerity and sarcasm that left Nick completely at a loss. If he didn’t know any better he would have thought Cinder and Ella were both responding to him at the same time, somehow.

But no, it was only Ella’s eyes he saw looking back at him.

Ella stepped forward and took Nick’s hand in hers. She gave it a tight squeeze as Nick stiffened up from the surprise. He didn’t expect her to be so bold.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she assured him. “Just bad timing. But if you want to make it up to me…” She tapped her chin with her free hand like she was thinking something over. But Nick had a sinking suspicion that she was just playing with him.

“…You could always give me a kiss?”

Nick wasn’t sure how to react. Ella had been trying to come across as coy and seductive. He was pretty sure of that, anyway, given the context of her request. But she’d barely managed to get the words out without stammering, and now her face looked like it was on fire. She was pushing herself really hard for a supposed “seductress” and it was taking everything Nick had not to laugh at how cute he found her right now.

He **** himself not to. That would mean instant ****, both for himself and for all the self-esteem Ella had built since she came here.

“I… I guess so? If-if you want, I mean… I-I guess I could…” Nick tried his best to look awkward and embarrassed himself. He figured that if Ella thought she’d succeeded in embarrassing him with her proposition, it would help her feel more comfortable.

It seemed to work. Ella let out a tiny sigh of relief that Nick pretended not to notice, and then straightened her back, giving him a look the projected confidence, the same way a hastily scribbled-on worksheet shoved in the turn-in box five seconds before the bell rang projected a completed homework assignment.

Nick was 50% sure that if they actually went through with the kiss, Ella would probably faint or run away screaming in embarrassment. The other 50% he bet that she would turn into Cinder.

Not great odds no matter where things landed. But if he turned her down, the odds looked even worse, so…

“…Let’s not make a habit of this, okay?” He said, stepping closer.

Ella pouted, disappointment all over her face. “You don’t like kissing me?”

“N-no, it’s not that,” Nick hastily clarified. “But… a kiss shouldn’t be, like, a reward, or an apology, or something like that. We should save that sort of thing for, you know, the right moment.”

In his room, alone with his stepmother, was definitely not the right moment.

Ella was still pouting. “Is that why you haven’t kept your promise yet, and kissed Cinder?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and grilling him with her stare.

Nick winced. “I… it’s not… …Look, there’s a process to this sort of thing…” It felt weird to have a kiss being used as a bargaining chip, especially when his romantic relationship with Ella was only just beginning. But he also knew that her transformation was compelling her to enjoy kissing, so he didn’t put up that much of a fight. If she wanted a kiss...

“Would you rather kiss her, instead?” Ella prodded. “Because she’s been bugging me since I got here, if you want, I could turn things over to her…”

Now Nick was at a loss, not sure how things had gone in this direction. Then he saw Ella’s lips twitching.

Wait… she’s trying not to smile! He realized. The irritated expression on her face was a put-on! Now that he looked closer he could see that her amber eyes were shining with excitement.

She’s enjoying this! She’s enjoying watching me squirm!

Honestly, Nick should have expected that. Ella was developing quite a mischievous streak, possibly a consequence of being roommates with a certain actress. Not to say that Rose was a bad influence, but Nick couldn’t quite call her a good one.

Recognizing there was only one way to “get Ella back” and regain some semblance of his pride, Nick found that he had no other choice.

“Okay, a kiss, no problem,” he said, stepping close again. “If it doesn’t really mean that much to you, why not?”

“Eh!?” Ella’s eyes widened, surprised by his sudden willingness. “Uhum, um… w-well, actually, m-maybe not…”

She was getting cold feet, but Nick could also see the rush of excitement in her eyes, which was enough for him to not hold back. He leaned in again and planted a kiss squarely on her lips, enjoying making her be the one to squirm this time.

And squirm she did. She squeaked and mewled against his mouth, but she didn’t pull away. If anything she pushed herself in closer, pressing her chest against his as she kissed him back, barely even putting up a token attempt to pretend she wasn’t enjoying this.

Nick felt her lips part and realized she wanted more, and remembering who else was in the room with them, he pulled away, ending the kiss.

Looking down, he saw the very unsatisfied pout of a girl who had been enjoying the kiss quite a lot, but wanted to pretend that she didn’t.

Not that she did a very good job of that.

“I hope I satisfied?” Nick asked cheekily, enjoying the flustered expression on her face.

Ella opened her mouth, ready to tell him where he could shove it, but held back. That was the kind of thing Cinder would do, and she wasn’t like that. She knew Nick was just playing around with her, like she’d tried to do to him.

Even though she felt incredibly embarrassed, it wasn’t like she was really upset…

“…Thank you,” she said timidly, acknowledging that it had been quite a nice kiss. “Sorry I was kind of teasing you a little… before.”

She paused, and held up her fingers. “…But that’s another kiss you owe Cinder now,” she reminded him. “Don’t play favorites!”

Once she’d regained her pride with that last statement she scurried off to get back to cleaning, leaving a very amused- and relieved- Nick to watch her go, content with how things had gone between the two of them. Ella was a little tricky to understand, but getting to know her was definitely rewarding.