Chapter 19

It wasn’t long after I lay down that a sound drifted up from the room below. Mirri’s voice - low, breathy, and unfamiliar. It wasn’t pain. It was something else entirely. A moment later came another sound, sharper, more intense.

I stayed still, but my eyes slid toward Serah’s bed. She looked asleep, eyes closed, yet her breathing was quick and shallow.

Mirri and Seth must be having sex.

She’d said it felt magical. That it pulled cries from you whether you wanted them or not.

I wasn’t an idiot. I’d seen animals mate, heard the noises they made—the growls, the hisses, the whimpers that sometimes sounded like ****. But Mirri didn’t sound hurt. She sounded… overwhelmed.

That tightness returned to my chest, making it hard to draw a full breath. The ache I kept buried pressed upward, sharp and insistent.

Did I want them to stop? No. Mirri wanted this. She’d wanted it desperately, waited for it, chased it.

Did I wish it were me down there instead? I didn’t know. I didn’t want to take anything from Mirri, but curiosity gnawed at me. I wondered what they looked like, what expressions crossed their faces, what that closeness felt like.

Did that mean I wished I was there with them? The thought scared me. Heat crept into my cheeks. That wasn’t something I could ever do. And yet - wouldn’t it be easier if Mirri were there, guiding me, telling me what to do, how to do it? Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so clumsy, so awkward and foolish. But that wasn’t how things worked. Was it?

My thoughts drifted to the old stories - warriors and warlords with many lovers, strength measured in conquest. But at the same time? Together? I’d never heard of such a thing. The idea only made my curiosity sharper, more uncomfortable.

Mirri’s moans became screams. Serah shifted in bed, having trouble getting comfortable. She had to hear it. How could she not? Still, her eyes stayed closed despite her restlessness.

The screams came to a crescendo and then stopped.

I had no sense of how long it had lasted. Minutes? Hours? Time felt strange, stretched thin. The silence that followed felt heavier than the noise.

Should I check on them?

I couldn’t. No matter how much a part of me wanted to. They wouldn’t want to see me now. They’d be embarrassed. I would be too. I don’t know if I could get over something like that.

So I stayed where I was, fists clenched in the hides beneath me, breathing through the tightness in my chest until it finally loosened enough for sleep to claim me.

* * *

I woke as the sky began to pale. Mirri slept beside me, her face nuzzled against my chest, her arms still wrapped tightly around me. I smiled, taking in her warmth and the quiet memory of the night before. I hoped no one had heard us. She’d been loud - though that hadn’t bothered me at the time.

Carefully, I eased myself out of her embrace, moving slowly so I wouldn’t wake her. She hummed softly and curled deeper into the blankets as I slipped free. I kissed her forehead, gentle and lingering, then dressed and stepped out into the hall.

I stretched and made my way to the kitchen, where I found Grams already awake, moving with practiced ease as she cooked. She glanced over at me and smirked. “Have fun last night?”

Heat rushed to my face and I felt my ears burn.

She laughed. “Mirri’s right. You really are easy to tease.” She poured me a cup of tea and slid it across the table.

“Sorry if we… I mean, I hope we weren’t too loud,” I said, the words tumbling over each other.

“Too loud?” she scoffed, cackling as my blush deepened. “Even if half the village heard you two, no one would complain. Long as you keep her happy, you can be as noisy as you like.”

I cleared my throat and took a sip of tea, immediately coughing as it went down the wrong way. I set the cup down quickly, trying to recover what little dignity I had left.

“Breakfast’ll take a bit,” she said once I could breathe again.

I nodded. “Ok. What do you need done in the meantime?” I asked. She gave me a questioning look. “Do you have wood to chop? Have you fed the chickens and goats? Can I fix a fence? I can’t sit around. I want to do something. I’m sure you’ve got something I can help with.”

She considered for a moment, then nodded. “Feed’s in the shed out back. Seeds for the chickens, hay for the goats. Two bowls for the first, a small bale for the second. There’s a shovel and hoe if you feel like cleaning the coop. And I could always use more water from the well. Bucket and barrel are out front.”

“Got it,” I said.

I finished my tea, set the cup aside, and headed out to make myself useful.

* * *

By the time I finished my chores, the sun had cleared the distant mountains. I figured it had to be around eight, though without a clock it was always just a guess.

I found the girls in the kitchen with Grams. Mirri looked practically radiant, talking animatedly and gesturing as she spoke. Ashlara, on the other hand, refused to meet my eyes, her face coloring faintly when I stepped inside. Serah didn’t even acknowledge me, carrying on with the conversation as if nothing had changed.

Grams pointed me toward a small building out back so I could wash up. It turned out to be a crude shower stall, little more than a bucket mounted overhead with a cord to tip it. The water was icy, and I sucked in a sharp breath as it hit me, certain my balls tried to retreat into my chest. I scrubbed myself as best I could with stiff, numb fingers, shivering the whole time. Afterward, I washed my clothes, changed into a spare set, and hung the wet ones outside to dry.

When I returned to the house, Grams set a plate in front of me - a slice of egg and meat pie, a glass of milk, and a few muffins still steaming. I thanked her and dug in, the food every bit as good as it smelled. The conversation slowed as we ate, settling into a comfortable quiet.

As we finished, Grams turned her attention to Mirri. “Council wants to speak with you.”

Mirri’s smile faded. “Why?” she asked.

“Didn’t say,” Grams replied. “Just that it should be after lunch.” She glanced around the table. “Sounds like they wanna speak with all of you.”

* * *

Mirri’s mood soured, but she refused to talk about it. Grams kept her expression carefully neutral, her mouth set in a thin line. Ashlara and Serah seemed to take the news in stride. I didn’t.

This council - whose word was law. This council that had banished Mirri for something beyond anyone’s control. This council that didn’t know us from Adam. They wanted something. People like that always did, and they never asked unless they were sure they could **** an answer.

I was buzzing with nervous energy, unable to sit still, so I asked Ashlara if she wanted to spar. We set up just beyond Grams’ yard and began, but it didn’t take long to realize something was off. The orc warrior was distracted, her movements sharp but unfocused.

“Is something wrong?” I asked as I picked myself up from where she’d knocked me flat.

“No,” she replied, her tone making it hard to believe her.

“Ashlara-” I started, but she swung at me, forcing me back as I parried. “If there’s-” I reposted and she blocked with her shield. “-something wrong-” Her axe whistled toward me and I ducked, coming up behind her. “-I want to help.” She spun and slammed her axe into my staff. If it had been ordinary wood, it would have split clean through - and me with it. The enchanted metal held, ringing under the **** of her blow.

“Nothing’s wrong!” she shouted, following it up with a shield bash that sent me sprawling.

I rolled to my feet and brought the staff up again. “Is this-” I parried. “-about-” She blocked my strike. “-Mirri and me?” Her face twisted, a dozen emotions flashing across it too quickly to name. I slid my staff beneath the blade of her axe and wrenched.

The weapon tore free of her hands.

We both froze.

I’d never managed that before. She was always stronger. Faster. Better. But she was distracted - and my words had clearly struck something raw.

“No,” she said, her voice firm. Then, quieter, “Maybe.” Her jaw tightened. “I don’t know!” she shouted, turning and storming into the woods, leaving her axe lying in the dirt.

I stood there, staring after her, my staff hanging uselessly at my side. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone - but somehow, I already had.

I picked up Ashlara’s axe, my fingers tightening around the haft. It was heavy - far too heavy for me to use with any real skill. The dark metal curved in cruel, elegant lines, and for a moment it felt like I was holding a piece of her - strong, beautiful, and deadly all at once.

I needed to do something. I needed to fix this somehow. But I had no idea how. I clenched my jaw until it ached, the frustration burning hot in my chest.

“It’s nearly time to meet the council,” Grams said, and something in her words snapped into place inside me.

“Fuck the council,” I said flatly. “I’m going after Ashlara.”

I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and marched into the woods, her axe in my hands, not looking back.

* * *

I was in unfamiliar territory. Ashlara was an accomplished woodsman, and on any other day she could have lost me without trying. But anger leaves a trail of its own, and she hadn’t bothered to hide it.

I followed heavy bootprints pressed deep into the earth, snapped branches, and the sharp, angry crack of breaking wood until I came to a narrow stream. Several large trees lay toppled nearby, their trunks split and broken as if they’d been nothing more than kindling. Ashlara sat on one of them, shoulders slumped, her head bowed.

I approached slowly, loudly enough that she would hear me. The last thing I wanted was to startle her and get snapped in half.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down beside her.

She immediately shifted away from me.

I exhaled through my nose. “I’m… really not good at this sort of thing.” A quiet, self-deprecating laugh escaped me. “I’m not good at much, honestly. But the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.” I stared ahead at the water, my hands clasped between my knees. “I’m sorry that I did. I don’t want you to leave. I like you. A lot. And I care about you.”

I swallowed. “I know you’re always the one saving me. And I hate that. I hope-” I shook my head. “I hope that one day I can be the kind of man who could save you. Not that you need it. Just… if you ever did. I’d want to be there for you.”

I let out a breath and gave a small, humorless smile. “Christ, that sounded stupid.”

I set her axe gently beside her and stood, turning as if to leave. After a step, I stopped. I knelt in front of her instead, meeting her at eye level even though she refused to look at me.

“You make me want to be better,” I said quietly. “You make me better. I’m sorry for the mistakes I’ve made. And the ones I’ll probably make. And I’m sorry I hurt you.”

I stayed there, waiting. Hoping.

Nothing came.

She needed space. I could understand that.

Just as I shifted to stand, her voice reached me - so soft I almost missed it.

“I hate you.”

My heart broke.

“I hate the way you make me feel,” she whispered. “I hate that I can’t think when you’re around. I hate the pain in my chest that won’t go away.” Her voice trembled, but slowly grew stronger. “I hate that you make me feel weak. And foolish. I hate that you’re the last thing I think about when I fall asleep, and the first thing I think of when I wake up.” Her voice dropped again, barely more than breath. “And I hate how terrified I am that I could lose you.”

I’d never seen Ashlara like this. So exposed. So ****.

Before I could overthink it - and before she could tear me apart - I wrapped my arms around her.

She stiffened instantly, but I held on. Slowly, cautiously, she returned the embrace, her powerful arms closing around me. She was warm. Her skin was scarred, marked by old wounds and the symbols of her tribe. Dark tattoos broke up the green of her flesh. She smelled of pine, sweat, and metal. Her short, dark hair brushed my cheek, softer than I’d expected.

I rested my head against her shoulder. After a moment, she rested hers against mine. My shirt grew damp as I realized she was crying.

I didn’t say anything. I just held her. Bit by bit, the tension bled out of her body.

I didn’t know how long we stayed like that. I didn’t care. Eventually she sniffed and pulled away. I let her, though my hands lingered on her arms. She turned her face aside, not wanting me to see her like this.

“Hey,” I said softly. “Are you okay?”

She nodded.

“And… are we okay?” That question felt heavier than the first.

She nodded again.

“Good,” I said quietly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Her eyes flicked to mine, then away as a faint flush touched her cheeks. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then stood.

With a long breath, she rose and washed her face in the stream. When she turned back, she looked like herself again - steady, composed.

“We should head back,” she said. “The council’s waiting.”

“I told them to wait,” I replied. “You’re more important.”

She shoved me, nearly sending me sprawling.

“Don’t be like that, Ashie,” I said with a grin.

“Gods, no! Not you too!” she snapped, and then chased me through the trees, her mock fury easing the knot in my chest and leaving me smiling as I ran.