Characters

Deadpool slapped me, and —

— I faceplanted into a window.

"Wait, I'm on space?" I said in awe. "What a dream. I'm on the Watchtower, and I'm looking at Earth. Dreams have never been this good."

"How may I convince you that this isn't a dream, Master Greene?" A British voice asked from behind me.

I spun around. "Alfred? Why aren't you at the Manor?"

"I am not Alfred," Not-Alfred said. "I am Brother Eye. I have chosen this holographic form because it is familiar to my code. Please follow me, Master Greene."

"Can I just call you Eye?" I asked as I followed him.

"You may call me however you wish, sir," Eye said as we entered a room

"Well, Eye, where are we?" I asked. "I'd rather be seeing the Earth, or the Gymnasium. I don't know when this dream will end, after all."

Suddenly, I felt a slap on my face. "Ow!"

"I believe that was His Highness Deadpool impressing upon you that this is now your reality," Eye said with a straight face. "As for where we are, this room is the Entrance."

"The Entrance?" I asked. "Wait, this is real?"

"Yes," Eye said. "Consider this a Harem Hotel-esque story on CHYOA. You're just the main character."

"This is either really good, or really bad," I said worriedly.

"Never worry, sir," Eye said. "Your First Character is here."

"Zatanna Zatara, D-01, recognized," a robotic voice announced as the tunnel flashed.

Once the light died down, I saw a woman I never thought I'd see in real life, (if this was actually real,) one of the coolest and hottest DC characters ever.

"Please close your mouth sir, you are drooling," Eye said, and I shut my mouth closed.

Zatanna groaned. "Alfred? Whatsss happening...?"

Oh, her voice is so silky and hot, even when she's slurring her words.

"Worry not, Miss Zatara," Eye said as Zatanna slowly fell to the floor, ****. "All shall be explained shortly. Mr. Greene, what do you think of your first Character?"

"I don't know what to think," I was still shocked that this was real.

"Orphan, D-02, Recognized," the robotic voice said again, and I paled.

In front of me was one of the deadliest, intuitive, and traumatized women ever, and Deadpool just expected my normal ass to manage that.

Cassandra walked heavily, looking at the **** Zatanna, Not-Alfred, and I, then before she could do or say anything, she fell ****.

"Master Greene, your thoughts?" Eye asked, unconcerned.

"She's gonna kill me!" I exclaimed, nearly hyperventilating.

"There are security measures in place," Eye said dismissively.

"Barda, D-03, Recognized," the robot said in its droning voice of impending doom.

The New God appeared in the zeta tube tunnel.

"What trickery is this!?" Barda exclaimed as she took a few steps, then she fell **** as well.

"If you ask for my thoughts, I'm gonna throw myself out the trash chute," I said.

"Batman created the Watchtower without a trash chute, only an incinerator," Eye said. "He does not seek to create space debris. Nevertheless, your thoughts have been recorded."

Fuck you, Not-Alfred.

"There are no language constraints, so cuss loudly should you wish to," Eye suggested, and I glared at him.

"Raven, D-04, Recognized," the robot said, once again calling my killer here.

I nearly pissed my pants as the daughter of a demon materialized through the zeta tube tunnel.

"Azarath...Metrion..." Raven fell ****.

"That might've been problematic," Eye said simply. "Thoughts, Master Greene?"

"Give me directions to the incinerator, now," I said.

"I'm afraid that is not within my capability," Eye said.

"Dumbass AI," I muttered.

"Perhaps so," Eye said. "I am still learning."

"Elektra Natchios, M-01, Recognized," the robot said as the ex-assassin appeared.

Elektra fell **** before she could even say a thing.

"My only thought is that at least we're not going with some of the most dangerous women ever," I said before Eye could ask me. "Just get on with my **** sentence, please."

"I would remind you that there are security measures in place, Master Greene," Eye said in that irritating voice of his.

"Yeah," I said. "And I'm Batman."

"At the end of this?" Eye said. "You may just become him."

Before I could process the insanity of Eye's statement, the zeta tube fired up again.

"She Hulk, M-02, Recognized," the robot said as the green amazonite appeared.

"Fucking..." She Hulk started saying something before she fell.

"Just give me the last two Marvel women," I said tiredly. "I don't even know what I'm going to do to avoid my ****."

"Master Greene, —"

"— there are security measures in place, I know," I said. "Shut the fuck up and get on with it."

The zeta tube lit up again.

"Storm, M-03, Recognized," the robot said.

As the tunnel's light died down, Marvel's weather goddess came out, floating.

"Who dares..." Ororo got two words out before she fell ****.

"See, I'd be less concerned if I didn't know I was going to die," I said as I paced around stressfully. "Who's the last one?"

"Well, for one, she's a wild card from Deadpool," Eye said, and the zeta tube lit up.

"Ahsoka Tano, S-01, Recognized," the robot said as the adult version of one of my childhood heroes appeared.

"Who are you...?" Ahsoka asked as she fell to the floor like everyone else.

I turned to Eye in shock. "There's others!"

"It'll be explained shortly," Eye said. "Are you still worried about your safety?"

"Of fucking course I am!" I exclaimed.

"Well, don't be," Eye said. "After all, none of you will remember the past 30 minutes."

"What?" I slurred, and everything turned black.