Floor Two Fireworks

I descend the stairs, the faint hum of GhostScoutDrone in my ear as it flits ahead, cloaked and silent; optic lens cycling softly, thrusters whispering like a ghost's breath. I tap into its system, programming it to tag any compatible tech so I can keep my eyes on what matters: body count and loot.

I pull my “Divorce Settler”, the sleek Tediore rifle; still gleaming black and yellow like a luxury **** toy, barrel warm under my palm from its incendiary rounds.

30 enemies on this floor. Bit more of a challenge. My kind of warm-up.

My vision highlights a table in the corner of the room, coated in dust and rust, forgotten amid scattered papers yellowed with age.

A push lawnmower's silhouette is highlighted, half-rotted tires deflated and cracked, dull blade and undercarriage caked in grime; but potential? Oh yeah.

I hit it with a pulse of my purple wave, the familiar shhhhrkk sound as metal twists, assembles, and readies for ****; blade sharpening with a high-pitched whine, engine coughing to life in a puff of black smoke.

Sentient Companion: LawnRipper [Lawnmower] – Ground Class

Engine powered Samurai

Attack: Spinning blade

Perk: High crit damage on organic enemies

• Mows, mulches, and edges… enemies.

He stands, a blade-spinning samurai-mech ready to redecorate the walls in arterial spray, carving a shallow groove in the concrete floor. Time to get messy.

We move.

LawnRipper hums beside me, slicing through the first group like a yard care serial killer; blade whirring to a blur, furrowing through flesh with wet shreds: torsos parting in clean lines, screams cutting short as limbs drop smooth as butter, blood spraying in fine mists.

I pepper the room with incendiary rounds from the Divorce Settler; trigger pulling smooth, barking with rhythmic kicks; setting bodies ablaze, skin blistering and popping like overcooked sausages, fat sizzling as flames lick up limbs, the air thick with the **** reek of burning hair, shrieks rising over the crackle like a hellish choir.

I switch to secondary fire and pull the trigger. A mini nuclear rocket sails through the air; whistling with a high-pitched keen; impacting a cluster with a blinding whoomp. Five bandits disintegrate instantly, vaporizing in a radioactive bloom, bones shattering to dust, their shadows permanently seared into the wall behind them like a fucked-up graffiti tag, the blast wave knocking debris loose from the ceiling in a rain of dust and sparks.

GhostScoutDrone tags a piece of compatible tech as I slide behind a busted table for cover; wood splintering under stray bullets, splinters nicking the air.

Bullets whiz past; lead singing through the space, ricocheting off walls with angry whines.

Eight enemies left.

Correction; GhostScout picks one off with a silenced shot; piff; skull cracking open in a quiet spray of gray matter.

Seven enemies left.

I hit the compatible tech without looking; purple pulse arcing across the room; my HUD updating automatically as the circular saw on a workbench vibrates to life, blade spinning with a vicious buzz.

Sentient Companion: SawBonez [Circular Saw] – Ground Class

Fast, Deadly

Attack: Fires auto-returning spinning saw blade disc

Perk: High armor penetration, limb separation

• Cuts both ways… literally

SawBonez whirs to life, saw blade spinning with a satisfying vrooom as it fires into the fray; disc whistling through the air, embedding in armor with a metallic screech before chewing through: limbs severing clean, arms dropping with thuds, blood fountaining from stumps, screams gurgling wet as throats open mid-cry.

Two more enemies lose limbs and vital parts; torsos bisected, the floor slick with viscera underfoot.

Five left.

LawnRipper glides in, smooth as silk, a quick slice across the midsection drops another, the bandit clutching at his spilling innards with a final wheeze.

Four.

Second tech tagged; a desk lamp, flickering weakly on a battered desk; bulb cracked, base dented.

Why not?

Purple pulse.

Its base shifts, glass gleams, and the glow sharpens; filament humming bright as it assembles into a stubby bot.

Sentient Companion: BrightEye [Desk Lamp] – Flight Class

Blinding and Precise

Attack: High Powered Flash Bang that sizzles skin, melts eyeballs.

• Enlighten… then eliminate.

BrightEye pops a strobing flash into the room; blinding white burst searing retinas, bandits screaming as they clutch at their scalding faces, pupils roasted like marshmallows, eyes melting in sockets with bubbling pops. But he takes hits from blind fire; bullets punching through his casing with sparks. He hops between two of them and detonating in a flash; bodies dropping, twitching, corneas fried to blackened husks.

Two left.

SawBonez spins up again, firing the saw blade; disc howling through the air. First target? Decapitated clean, head bouncing like a basketball across the floor, trailing blood and spinal fluid in a sticky arc.

The last bandit? Cocky idiot ducks under the blade, laughing through gritted teeth.

“Missed me, bitch!” he jeers, flipping me off .

The saw blade curves back like a boomerang, catching him from behind; shearing off the top of his skull like a can opener under his nose, glistening pink domed top, dropping behind.

His tongue flops, pooled in the bottom half of his jaw, gurgling nonsense as he collapses.

The blade clicks neatly back into SawBonez’s chassis. It spins inside, flicking off the gore to gleam cleanly, splattering the walls.

Floor 2. Cleared. And my loot just keeps climbing as I pass the bodies; credits chiming in, inventory filling with scavenged clips, and blood-soaked eridium shards.