For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her

Nick tended to remember his dreams, for the most part. He’d heard that a lot of people didn’t, but he was never really one of those people. It had just been normal for him; it had always seemed strange, in fact, that other people didn’t remember their dreams.

Of course, most of the time his dreams were complete nonsense. As all dreams tended to be. Not counting nightmares, he’d had several very bizarre dreams in this last round, both related to his current situation and not. In one of his dreams he’d been working as a train conductor, in spite knowing that he was more qualified to be a pilot (which he wasn’t) and in another weird dream he had gotten into a very fierce debate with a man with a mustache about how it only made sense to build this newest skyscraper out of green LEGO bricks, and that the man was a fool and a scoundrel for daring to suggest they use yellow bricks instead.

Yeah. Stuff like that. Which was why he didn’t give much stock into the stuff Morgana said about how dreams meant something, just like he didn’t believe that his fate was dictated by Tarot cards, or his star sign, or any nonsense like that. …Of course, if you asked his wife, she would espouse for hours about a zombie carpenter with holes in his hands, so it wasn’t like he could throw stones.

But the point being, Nick wasn’t the type of guy to give his dreams very much credence. Not even the dreams that seemed meaningful, like that one he’d had after his date with Ella the night before, where somehow she and Cinder had split into two separate people and both were pulling him in opposite directions before Vivian arrived on a white horse to rescue him from the clingy women at gunpoint.

He blamed that one on the spicy food.

That night, though?

That night, he dreamed a very strange dream indeed.

Nick had been a kid again. And even though he was viscerally aware of the fact that this was a dream, as occasionally happened, he also felt a strange sense of familiarity with this dream; as if even while knowing that, it didn’t matter.

He was with Dakota, and that was what mattered. But not the Dakota he remembered her being, not the little girl who had once been his best friend. This was the present Dakota, in all her warped and gorgeous glory, even though he was a little kid.

They were playing tag. And somehow, she just couldn’t catch him, even though, as an adult, it would have been incredibly easy to do so.

“Slow down!” Dakota wailed from behind him. Even though she was an adult, as far as he could tell, the whine in her voice was all too similar to her childish self. Nick snuck a peek over his shoulder and saw her pale face flushed with color, as it looked like she was running the last leg of a marathon, and he was only increasing the distance between the two of them.

Then, suddenly, he wasn’t running alone.

“Woooo!” A voice called to his left, and he snapped his head around to see an adult Gina running alongside him, her eyes flashing with glee as the wind swept up her black hair and carried it behind her. “Go, Nick! You can do it!”

“Waaaaaaiiiiiitttt!” Dakota’s voice was fainter now, and it strained with desperation. Nick’s heart throbbed with pain and in the back of his mind, he knew he should slow down, but he couldn’t. No matter how much he wanted to slow down and let Dakota catch up to him, he felt like if he did, he’d be making the biggest mistake of his life.

Even though he knew that this was all just a dream.

The minute he remembered that, he realized that the field around them had changed. It wasn’t the field from back at camp, it was different now, but at the same time, so very familiar. And suddenly, Gina was gone as well, there was no sign of his childhood friend all grown up.

“Gina?” He stopped running, sensing he no longer needed to. (The way you just knew things in a dream, with no explanation. It was bizarre.)

Nick searched for his missing childhood friend, but she was nowhere to be found. After an agonizing five seconds of not finding her he gave up, and that’s when he realized that even though Gina had vanished, that didn’t mean he was alone.

“Nick!”

He turned to see a freckle-faced girl about his age run up to him, her choppy orange bangs bouncing off her forehead. Her chubby cheeks were pulled into a delighted smile and she wore the cutest little white dress that seemed to just fit her perfectly, and he knew that he recognized her but he didn’t know where.

She gave him a little wave and giggled, but before he could ask her who she was, another voice interrupted them.

“Leave him alone!” The snooty little voice snapped as another girl stomped over, her hands on her hips. “He’s mine!” She had fiery blue eyes and blonde hair pulled into pigtails, and she glared at the redheaded girl with a pouty look on her face.

“You can’t claim him!”

“Yes I can! I said so!”

“Nuh-uh, I saw him first!”

“Cheater!”

As the two girls bickered Nick felt like his head was throbbing. He staggered back, a migraine pounding through his skull, and suddenly he tripped over something hard and landed flat on his back with a loud “Thump!”

Dazed and weary and completely lost in the strangeness of his dream, Nick blinked his eyes and tilted back his head, and looked to see a brown tabby cat staring right into his eyes with a cold expression on her face.

Oddly, she was wearing glasses.

“Idiot,” the cat meowed at him, confusing him even more. Why was a cat badmouthing him?

“Who are you?” Nick asked, wondering why the cat seemed so familiar. (But not questioning at all that she could talk.)

The cat opened her mouth and a loud yawn came out. “Can you do quadratic equations?” She asked him.

“…What?” Nick didn’t even know what that was. “I’m just a kid.”

“If you can’t do quadratic equations, you won’t be able to eat the spaghetti,” the cat warned him, and then plodded away, disappearing into a field of flowers and leaving behind a very confused little boy.

Nick stood up, noticing that the bickering girls were gone. Not sure what to do and all alone now in the flower field, he picked a random direction and just started walking, somehow sensing that this was the right way to go.

He walked for what felt like hours (but probably wasn’t) as the world stubbornly refused to change around him. How far did this flower field go, anyway? That was a question that didn’t even occur to him, as he just knew he had to keep walking.

And keep walking.

And keep walking…

He passed by another adult, who he immediately recognized as Dani. She waved at him with one hand, clearly recognizing him, as another held a water pot that she was using to water two particularly large sunflowers with matching faces on them. One was bright and tall with a smile while the other slumped over with an exasperated look.

Even though Nick saw someone he recognized, he didn’t bother stopping to say hello. He just waved and kept walking, thoroughly confused.

Then it was nighttime. Not in any way that Nick could perceive; the sun didn’t set, it didn’t suddenly become dark, no transition at all from day to night had occurred as far as Nick was aware. It was just suddenly nighttime, as though that had always been the case. Maybe it had been that way for hours, and he just wasn’t aware.

How did he know it was nighttime? Well, because it was! The sun was gone, the stars were out, and a black-haired woman dressed as a witch was zooming in circles on a magic broom in front of a massive full moon that engulfed the horizon, bathing the field in brilliant moonlight.

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” The witch cried off in the distance.

Then a light flickered in the corner of his eye and he turned his head, at last finding something new. The little flickering light reminded him of a firefly, and as he ran towards it, leaving the beaten path, it suddenly zoomed right at him and he raised his arms to shield himself.

But there was nothing to be afraid of. As the glowing object moved closer he could make out the tiny body of a girl in the center of it, a glowing little girl about as big as his hand with pointy little ears and tiny gossamer wings, and the most mischievous smile on her cherubic little face as she zipped about, throwing her skinny arms across his face in a hug as she practically suffocated him with her tiny little body.

“Yay! You found me! I knew you would!”

The faerie pulled back far enough that he could make her out clearly, and Nick recognized her immediately.

“Holly!?” He sputtered, his face turning red as he realized that she wasn’t wearing any clothes. Her curly brown hair cascaded down her back, and she posed for him without any semblance of modesty whatsoever.

“Hihi!” The faerie Holly waved at him, batting her eyelashes. “Like what you see? I know I’m not as big as you prefer, but aren’t I just so adorable like this?”

“Holly… what the heck?” Nick had a lot of questions for his brain. “This is a dream, right?”

“Uh, yeah? Why do you think I’m naked right now?” Holly asked, as if that made any sense at all.

“…I don’t know, can you put some clothes on?” Nick was just a child in this body, and even though he had all the memories of his adult self, part of him felt very uncomfortable being around the naked faerie like this.

“Nope, can’t,” Holly said, shaking her head. “I don’t make the rules here, you do. And if I’m not wearing any clothes it’s because you don’t want me to, obviously.”

She licked her lips eagerly, her beady little eyes aimed right at him.

Nick just stared at her. A second later she was clad in a thick, frumpy sweater, the kind Mary used to wear, completely covering everything.

The little faerie crossed her arms with a pout.

“What am I doing here?” Nick asked, finally finding some sense of stability in what had clearly been a very bizarre dream up until this point.

“Uh, you’re dreaming.” Holly rolled her eyes.

“No kidding. I mean, this field. Can I just wake up?” Nick had been able to put a sweater on Holly so he should be able to wake up, right?

“Nope, can’t,” Holly said, shaking her head. “You haven’t found her yet. You just found me.”

“Found her? Found who?” Nick sensed something meaningful behind her words, but he couldn’t understand entirely what she was talking about. But there was a strange sense of- well, sense in what he was experiencing right now, as if this part of his dream was grounded in reality the way the rest of his dream wasn’t.

Holly smiled a dewy-eyed smile at him. “You’ll find her, I just know it!” She assured him, pressing her hands together. “Until you do… I’ll help you out.”

Nick brightened. “You will?”

“Mhm!” She nodded. “With my faerie magic, I can grant you what you desire most! Just watch!” She held up her hands and closed her eyes, and mumbled something backwards that Nick couldn’t understand.

The frumpy sweater she was wearing poofed out of existence and she was naked again.

“There, wish granted!” Holly opened her eyes and smirked, before zooming off. “Good luck, Nick!” She called behind her. “I know you’ll find her! Once she finds you!”

Nick wanted to call after her, but his mouth wasn’t working for whatever reason. So with Holly gone, and the flower field gone, and the sky gone, and everything gone, he did the only thing that made sense given what she’d told him, and he walked over to the missing person’s booth that just so happened to be right in front of him, sitting in the empty void of space like nobody’s business.

“What do you want?” The beleaguered teller asked with a sigh, looking up at him. It was only then that Nick realized he was an adult again, and being treated like an adult by the tired-looking asian woman behind the counter.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious he scratched the back of his neck. “I’m, uh, I’m looking for someone,” he stammered out. “Can you help me find them?”

The woman sighed again. “Well-”

“Looking for someone? I’d say you found them!” A voice with far more pep drowned out the teller’s response as a bright-eyed brunette pushed past her and skipped up to the counter, batting her eyelashes at him. “Vivian Carrington, at your service! Don’t mind my grumpy friend here. It’s supposed to be her day off, but I had her come into work anyway because I was just too lonely here all by myself!” She laughed.

Her partner wasn’t laughing. She had a dead look in her eyes, and stared at this Vivian woman like she wanted to push her into traffic.

“Vivian, um, hello,” Nick greeted her, recognizing her name but not sure from where. “I… I’m looking for someone-”

“Yes, and like I said, you found someone,” the woman replied immediately again. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the counter, cradling her chin in her hands. “And I’ve been waiting soooooo loooong for you…” she swooned.

Nick blushed. But he had a weird feeling that this wasn’t who he was supposed to be meeting. “No, uh… I’m… I don’t think I’m looking for you, I’m looking for someone else…”

“Oh, who, then?” The woman looked disappointed, but she still smiled.

Problem was, Nick didn’t have a good answer for her question.

“…I don’t know,” he admitted.

“So… if you don’t know, then how do you know it’s not me?” The teller pressed insistently. Nick admired her persistence but he just knew somehow…

“No, I-I don’t know, I just… I know it’s not you… you’re great, but the person I’m looking for, she’s…”

She was something. Something this woman was not. But what she was, he just didn’t know. His mind was straining itself every second, and it felt like he was staring at a multiple choice question where all the answers looked familiar, but he just couldn’t remember which one of them was correct.

Then, he was actually doing that.

Which of the following is correct?

A) B

B) F

C) 12

D) All of the above

“Well? Have you finished your test yet?”

Nick’s head snapped up and he realized that he was sitting in a classroom now, and his stepmother, Amelia, was looking down at him with a stern expression on her face, riding crop in hand. Unable to answer her, he found himself powerless when she snatched the paper up off of his desk and looked it over, before letting out a sigh.

“…Not one answer is correct,” she said, shaking her head. “At this rate, you’ll never be able to catch up to Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin.”

Nick turned to look at the only other student in the classroom, a bright-eyed brunette bimbo who stood in the corner with her hands proudly on her hips and a misspelled “DUCNE” cap on her head.

“I-I’m sorry!” He apologized. “The questions were too hard!”

Amelia sighed. “If these questions were too hard for you, then you’ll never be able to answer the final question properly.” She gestured towards the blackboard.

Final question? He didn’t like the sound of that. But as Nick struggled to read the illegible scrawl on the chalkboard the whole classroom fell away, and then he was back.

In the field.

And a kid again.

A surge of panic shot through his chest as he looked around frantically, feeling an impending sense of dread. Everything seemed to be getting clearer by the second like a television coming into focus, and then…

He was on a picnic blanket.

With a girl right next to him. Two girls, actually, and they looked identical. They had the same dark complexion and tousled hair, only one was blindfolded and the other had amber-colored eyes. Nick squinted and tried to make out the face of the girl who wasn’t tied up, and saw a wicked grin on her lips as she held the other girl close.

Between them sat two goblets.

“Alright,” the amber-eyed girl declared with a bold smile. “Where is the poison?”

“Huh!?”

Poison?!

“The battle of wits has begun! It ends when you decide, and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.”

Nick looked at the girl, and then at the goblet in front of him, and realized that he very much did not want to drink from either glass.

“Uh, I would rather not drink either, if I’m being perfectly honest,” he said, and the girl pouted.

“It’s just chili powder,” she pouted. “Why are you ruining the fun?”

“Yeah!” The blindfolded girl agreed from beside her.

“Because that’s who he is.”

And then both girls were gone. And in their place stood a woman Nick knew all too well. Dakota. She had finally caught him. And somehow he knew that if he tried to run this time, he wouldn’t get away. Not from her. Not like this.

But why did he even want to run away? That he didn’t understand. And as Dakota approached him, he found himself approaching her, and as he did, she finally smiled.

“Dakota, what’s going on?” Nick asked. “I… I have to find someone or I can’t wake up, but…”

“You have to find me,” Dakota said gently. Her voice was so soft and innocent now, like when they were kids. “That’s who you have to find.”

Nick blinked, confused. “But… you’re right here,” he stammered in confusion.

She shook her head. “Not me,” she corrected him. “You have to find Dakota.”

Nick had just enough time to be confused before the dream started to collapse around him again.

“And you don’t need to find her to wake up,” she whispered, the last thing Nick heard before he found himself awake in his bed.

Nick stared up at the ceiling for a moment, struggling to make sense of what had just happened. His mind was a hazy cyclone of confusion and he just rubbed his eyes, feeling incredibly heavy for some reason.

“…The heck was that?” He muttered to himself, scarcely able to remember a trace of what he knew had been a very, very bizarre dream.