Round One

You hang the lasso on the door knob and move to one side of the room. Wonder Woman stands, rubbing her wrists, and moves to the other side.

“You realize that even without my powers I still have over a thousand years of hand-to-hand combat experience? That I’ve been trained by actual gods? Or are you one of those men who thinks they can defeat any woman just by virtue of having a penis?”

You shake your head, “I don’t generally fight using my penis. But I can see how dizzy and a little sluggish you are. So I figure that will balance things out.”

The Amazon shrugs, “As you wish.” You open your mouth but she cuts you off, “Yes I’ve seen the movie; no I don’t mean I love you.”

You make a mock pouty face. “Aaaaww, I thought we were having a moment,” and start to move forward in a fighting stance.

You expect Wonder Woman to come at you directly, so it’s a surprise when she instead darts towards the lasso. You move to intercept her, but it turns out that was a feint! She pivots and launches a snap kick at your head. Her technique is flawless, but the **** throw her timing off so you’re able to high-block it and close inside. You punch her hard in the stomach and she lets out a pained exhalation, but before you can follow up she pushes off you into a roll that takes her out of your reach.

The Amazon rolls to her feet, wobbling a little on the landing. You try and close again, but she drops low and kicks your feet out from under you. You land on your ass, the cheap commercial carpeting doing zip to cushion the fall. It takes her a second to get her own balance back, so she’s unable to press her advantage before you scramble back to your feet.

This time she takes the offensive, coming at you with a complicated combination of blocks and punches that she’s obviously done a hundred times before. But she’s used to executing it with super-speed, so again her timing is off; she still manages to clock you upside the head, but it’s only a glancing blow. You grab her arm and again punch her in the belly, but she twists free from your hold, elbows you in the gut, and dances away.

You both stand and catch your breath for a minute.

“You’re right,” the beautiful heroine says, “I’m definitely off my game. But you’ll still need more than a couple stomach punches to take down an Amazon.”

“I can’t wait to see what it does take,” you say, and the two of you close on each other again.