Where are you? Where's my heart?

Amelia was not at all surprised by Sylvia’s proposal. But she didn’t have to be pleased that the young lady was trying to push this agenda onto her.

The teacher was very perceptive. She had observed the way Sylvia interacted with the other girls on the show, pushing them to upgrade their transformations so passionately. Although Amelia thought little about her own transformations, she did understand that the young woman had a deep affinity for them, seeing them as a positive instead of a negative.

Amelia… took a contrary position.

For Amelia, these transformations were a questionable thing. To say the least. She was not at all thrilled by the transformation that made her position her body for the purpose of seduction whenever her stepson was in the room. And the last challenge had left her quite aware of the downside of her Frigid transformation that made her heat up from sexual contact. And although it had yet to manifest, the transformation that encouraged her to “take the lead” in “guiding” other women in pleasing Nick was also not something she wanted to explore any time soon.

On the other hand, there were also one or two that she wasn’t all that concerned with. Maternal Instinct was unusual, but not very intrusive; she saw no downside in deepening her feelings towards the other contestants, even if it did make her more aware about who her stepson was having sex with, which was a little strange. And her Developmental Concerns transformation? Well, that one just seemed redundant.

It was perfectly natural for a stepmother to be concerned about her stepson’s sexual development, she wasn’t sure why that even needed to be spelled out in a transformation in the first place.

In the meantime, though, Amelia was stuck dealing with the woman in front of her, and Sylvia seemed very, very invested in the positive aspects of these transformations, and exploring them with all her heart.

And now she’d come to push that on Amelia.

“Please, Amelia?” Sylvia begged, clasping her hands together. “I want to get the most opportunity I can out of this transformation… and that means experimenting with upgrades! I only get to use it on a person once per round, are you telling me you want to forgo this opportunity? That isn’t very smart, my girl!”

Amelia raised her eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Sylvia shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “No! See, think about it like this! Remember the last challenge, when Rose totally got you with the aphrodisiac gun, and took advantage of your Frigid transformation?”

Amelia’s face darkened and she narrowed her eyes towards Sylvia. “…Yes,” she calmly replied. “I remember that very well, of course.”

Sylvia nodded. “Right. Well! The problem is that because you were so **** to experiment with your transformations, you didn’t understand the full consequences of them! Which let Rose take advantage of you that way,” she pointed out.

“That… is an argument you could make,” Amelia conceded, though she was a little disconcerted that the other woman was making it.

She’d never thought about things that way, and with good reason. It was an absurd conclusion! From what Amelia could tell, Sylvia was arguing that she should have allowed Nick to touch her sexually in order to understand the full extent of her transformation and how it would affect her body, so she could be better prepared for another contestant attempting to take advantage of the transformation.

She had to understand how completely absurd that was, right? It was so absurd that Amelia did not even see any merit in pointing that out. She just stared blankly at the grinning girl, trying to figure out how she should express the feelings she had at the moment.

Meanwhile, Sylvia was smiling from ear to ear, taking Amelia’s lack of response as consent to continue the conversation in this direction.

“Look, Amelia, it’s not a big deal, okay?” Sylvia said, shaking her head. “This kind of stuff just happens! And when it does, well, it’s nobody’s fault, really.”

“I would argue it was Rose’s fault,” Amelia replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sylvia blinked. “…Right, well, nobody who matters,” she said, tossing Rose under the bus without hesitation if it furthered her argument. “Transformations are simply a fact of life! And if you want to get ahead, you need to make use of them! Think about it rationally; you’ve been here for almost two rounds, and look at how few Victory Points you’ve gotten so far!”

She pointed to Amelia’s hand, and Amelia looked down at it. Sylvia was correct; she’d barely gained any VP since coming onto this show.

“Now, I get it, you don’t want to have sex with Daddy,” Sylvia said, her tone of voice so bland and detached it almost gave the impression that she did not understand the seriousness of a woman behaving sexually with her stepchild. She shrugged. “And that’s fine. Dani’s doing surprisingly well for herself without having sex with him! And then there’s me, of course.”

She tried to mask it with her smile, but Amelia didn’t miss much.

“…The point is,” Sylvia continued, “Dani may not get in on the sex stuff, but she tries SUPER hard when it comes to the challenges! You, you were the first one eliminated.”

Amelia’s eye twitched. She couldn’t argue with that.

“…It was an unfortunate occurrence,” she replied.

Sylvia nodded, a vague expression on her face. “Right, yup, real unfortunate,” she agreed. “But see, that’s just the thing! It doesn’t HAVE to be that way! You got eliminated first because Rose took advantage of your transformation, right? Well, we’ll avoid that next time! See, next time, we’ll make it so that you know everything your transformations are capable of, their upsides and their downsides! And the best way to do that is experimenting! Don’t you think?”

She gazed up at Amelia with those big blue eyes of hers and batted them like a cute little kitten.

Amelia wasn’t impressed.

Sure, she could understand the logic behind Sylvia’s rationale; the younger woman was doing an exceptional job of justifying herself and her beliefs.

That didn’t mean Amelia had to put any stock in them, though.

“Do you expect me to agree with the conclusion you’ve arrived at?” Amelia asked, raising her eyebrow.

Sylvia shrugged. “Maybe a teensy bit?” She chirped, squeezing her fingers together tightly and squinting really small.

Amelia’s calm expression shifted subtly into a slight frown. “…I see.”

“What? Hey, come on, it’s not like it’s a huge deal,” Sylvia groaned. “I’m just trying to help you out here! Have a little love and faith, my girl!”

Amelia had faith. She had faith that Sylvia really believed what she was saying, and thought that it was in Amelia’s best interest.

Whether that was the case or not, well, that was a different story, wasn’t it?

And Amelia wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to endorse this behavior from the other woman.

Certainly there were merits to the idea Sylvia espoused. And it wasn’t as if Amelia was opposed to exploring what her transformations were capable of. As inconvenient as some of them were, she’d done a decent job of mitigating several of the downsides. And some didn’t affect her at all, like Developmental Concerns.

So was she just being stubborn, then? Honestly, it was somewhat hard to say. Amelia was well aware that she could be a stubborn woman.

But she also wasn’t the kind of woman who made rash choices without thinking through the consequences, not anymore.

“…I will give it some thought,” she conceded with a slight nod. “Once I have carefully weighed all the pros and cons-”

“Blaaaah, boooor-iiiinnnnng,” Sylvia loudly interrupted her with an exaggerated groan, slumping her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

Amelia pinched her lips together in a scowl. “Excuse me?” She lowered her voice slightly. “Young lady, that is exceptionally disrespectful.”

Sylvia flinched and shifted to stand up straight, arms at her sides. “S-sorry, I didn’t… it’s just… I wasn’t thinking that way…”

“Indeed.” Amelia understood the impulsive nature of the girl in front of her. But that didn’t mean she had to support behavior like that.

“It’s just… do you have to think through the consequences of every action you take?” Asked the woman who hardly ever thought about the consequences of any action she took.

“Should I not?” Amelia bluntly replied.

Sylvia shook her head. “Not if you run the risk of depriving yourself of future happiness,” she pointed out.

“What?” Amelia wasn’t even sure what she was talking about now.

But Sylvia was happy to inform her.

“Look, it’s so cool that you’re a calm and rational person who thinks everything through! It’s like, super mature of you,” Sylvia said, nodding encouragingly. “You’re totally rational and shit, and that’s why you’re such a good stepmom for Daddy!”

Amelia did not consider herself a vain person, but she couldn’t deny that even she felt a little swell in her chest at the other woman’s praise.

“…But we already have Dawn for that,” Sylvia pointed out. “And even she’s started to open up and be way less boring and stodgy.”

Amelia pinched her lips together in a frown. “In that case, it would seem there is a vacancy that I can fill,” she pointed out right back.

Sylvia scowled. “Well… but wouldn’t it be better to have fun? Come on, you and I both know you’re not a stranger to making wild, reckless choices without fully thinking through the consequences, Amelia! Let’s not play around here.”

Amelia’s stoic frown transitioned to a full-on warning look. She didn’t like what Sylvia was insinuating. “Excuse me?” She asked.

Sylvia reached up and began to play with a lock of her brightly dyed hair. “Look, I’m not trying to start anything with you, Amelia, okay? I’m just saying, well…”

Realizing she may have painted herself into a corner here, Sylvia tried to figure out how to dig herself out of this pit. It wouldn’t be easy, not with Amelia giving her those warning looks she did so well. The former host felt like she was trying to navigate through a board meeting of unsatisfied producers, one of the few things that she didn’t miss about her old job hosting the show.

“…Amelia, you were, what, how old when you decided to run off and marry a musician from another country?” Sylvia pointed out, understanding that the exact age wasn’t relevant. “A guy way older than you, over a decade, with a son closer to your age than he was?”

A shadow crossed Amelia’s face, and Sylvia didn’t miss it. She knew she was touching on a sensitive subject here, and she needed to be careful.

“…That wasn’t a carefully thought-out decision where you properly assessed the risks, was it?” Sylvia gently pointed out. “And look how that turned out for you. What if you went into that with the mindset you have now? The idea of carefully and cautiously considering the possibilities, and the downsides? Come on, my girl, you never would have married Daddy’s father if you thought the way you’re currently thinking back then!”

The phrase “Daddy’s father” would have brought a snicker to Sylvia’s lips any other time, but this was way too serious for her to joke around like that.

Amelia frowned. She understood what Sylvia was trying to say, she really did. But that didn’t mean she had to like what the other woman was insinuating.

“…I cannot deny that my decision to marry my husband was a folly of youth,” she conceded with the faintest shrug of her shoulders. “It was not a choice I made upon carefully weighing the pros and cons of the relationship.”

That was a massive understatement, almost bordering on flagrant dishonesty. The fact of the matter was that Amelia’s decision to fly halfway around the world and get married to a single father from a different country had been so poorly thought-out it bordered on outright recklessness.

But…

“But it all worked out for you, right?” Sylvia said, looking deeply into Amelia’s eyes. “Just think about what might have happened if you hadn’t taken that leap of faith? Do you think you would still be happy?”

Amelia’s frown deepened.

“…Well, I mean, okay, on the surface, you don’t look that happy,” Sylvia admitted, smiling a sheepish smile. “But I get it, alright? I understand that you have problems letting your feelings show. But you were really happy, right? As Daddy’s mom.”

Again, “Daddy’s mom” was another funny turn of phrase that occurred to Sylvia. But as the words passed her lips they sounded downright tender.

“…Yes,” Amelia said. It was so easy. People often misunderstood her. The brusqueness of her responses were because she struggled with expressing her complicated feelings. She didn’t enjoy the inefficiency of inane discussions (like this one) and preferred to express herself simply and directly, often assuming that the other person could understand her intentions.

It had taken a great deal of therapy and counseling to unpack that and become more open and honest. And she still struggled with it. Even now, if her stepson came up to her and asked her to name all the things she loved about him, she might very well respond along the lines of “That would be a waste of time” and crush his heart in doing so, when really all she meant was that there were so many things she cherished about him that to list them all would take far too long.

But a simple question that asked for a simple answer? “Were you happy?”

That she could do.

“Yes” was an answer she could give all too easily.

It was an answer that brought a smile to Sylvia’s lips. She nodded slowly, her eyes watering. “You see? That’s the best thing,” she said, clasping her hands together. “You didn’t plan it. You didn’t overthink it. You just jumped in, and you found happiness.”

She approached Amelia and held out her hand to the other woman, almost like she was asking Amelia to take it.

Sadly, Amelia didn’t. She felt no urge to do so; after all, Sylvia was not in a sexual relationship with her stepson, and thus Amelia felt no motherly compulsion towards her. And without the effect of her transformation, touching others was still not something she felt comfortable with.

Sensing that, Sylvia awkwardly lowered her hand. “You were happy,” she echoed, smiling a little. “And Daddy was happy too, I know he was.”

Amelia nodded slowly. “That is… fortuitous.”

Of all the words she could have chosen to express her feelings about their relationship, “Fortuitous” was right up there among the most awkward and clumsy.

“…Right, uh, ‘fortuitous’ sure, that works,” Sylvia said with an awkward smile on her face. She scratched her cheek. “Maybe don’t tell that to Daddy, ‘kay?”

Amelia frowned. “Why not? He is aware of my feelings.”

“…Is he, though?” Sylvia pinched her lips together in a tight expression and tilted her head to the side. “IS he aware? Though?”

Amelia frowned. Maybe Sylvia raised a valid point.

“Look, it’s no big deal,” Sylvia said, holding up her hands. “It’s just a thing! Not every mother is good about showing how they feel towards their child! See, that’s why I always made sure to dote on Mimi, so she would know just how much I loved her! But that doesn’t mean you were a bad mom, Amelia, just because you struggled sometimes to-”

“Do not do that.”

Amelia’s harsh tone startled Sylvia for a second and she looked at the other woman in surprise.

“Wh-what?” Sylvia stammered, taken aback. “I don’t… huh?”

Amelia was giving her a really piercing look right now, and not one she liked. But past the harshness in her gaze, Sylvia saw something else.

Compassion.

“…Do not mistake your situation,” Amelia said firmly. “It is not the same at all.”

Sylvia winced. “N-not… the same? No, but… I-I really… I love Mimi… and Marley! I do, that’s not… look, we just have different ways of showing, that’s-”

Amelia’s eyes widened, realizing that Sylvia had taken her words the wrong way. “Forgive me,” she immediately interrupted Sylvia’s stammering, giving no heed to the rudeness of her actions. “That is not what I intended to express.”

Sylvia blinked. “…Eh?”

“I was not commenting on your own actions as a mother,” Amelia clarified, although Sylvia’s role as a mother was a somewhat nebulous thing, given the way the relationship worked. “I was talking about… your own mother.”

Sylvia’s shoulders sagged. “…Oh. Uh…”

“It is not the same,” Amelia said again. She placed her hand over her heart. “I may struggle to properly express my feelings for my son, but that is not at all like how Dakota treats you. Do not mistake her actions towards you as gestures of love and affection.”

Amelia was not certain that Dakota was even capable of expressing those things. At least, not to anyone other than Nick.

“Yeah, uh… I know,” Sylvia muttered, scratching her head. She really didn’t want to talk about this stuff right now. “Can we just drop it?”

Amelia nodded. She was happy to do so. After all, a topic like this one must have been extraordinarily painful for Sylvia.

She knew well herself how difficult it was to deal with a problematic mother.

“…Great, then, let’s get back to what we were saying before,” Sylvia said, trying to distract herself from the complicated emotions that had just welled up in her chest. “We were talking about you being a great stepmother and taking some chances, right? Well, this is another great chance, Amelia! You can really express yourself now! Take a risk! Make a big change! Who knows? Just like last time, you might end up happier than you ever thought you could be!”

Amelia nodded slowly. She could understand the logic in Sylvia’s words, but at the same time…

“Or,” she said carefully, “I could end up sleeping with my stepson.”

Sylvia blinked. “…So?”

Right. This was clearly not going the way Amelia had hoped. With a sigh, the older woman took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, deciding she should probably just give up now.