Aftercare.

I wake up, on high alert, the sun is still low, still calm, barely coming through Vi’s curtains yet. I feel like I’m being watched, I woke up from a dream of hundreds of unblinking eyeballs staring at me, the walls, the floor, I shiver. Why do I feel like I’m still being watched? I slowly turn my head, and I see Vi. Head propped on one arm, eyes on me, an unreadable expression on her face.

“You alright?” I ask groggily, my voice still raspy and rough.
“Are you?”
“I’m a bit creeped out, I won't lie.”
She frowns. “I’m serious.”
I sit up slightly, resting the back of my head against the bed frame. “What do you mean? I slept okay?”
She nibbles at her fingernail, “About seeing it in person… Last night? With Max.”
I sigh. I figure it’s best to run her through everything.

–

“Oh… Are you sure you want to keep going?” She asks, “I won’t deny it. It feels fucking good. But I’m more than ready to stop and call it off. He’s not that good.”
I chuckle, closing my eyes and yawning.
“It’s all an act, right?”
Vi purses her lips. “No. Not all of it.”
“What’s real?”
She fiddles with the blanket bunched up between her fingers, “His dick is big.”
“Bigger than mine.”
“Not by much… But it feels good of course…”
“And I…” She hesitates, “I enjoy… the dirty talk…”
I nod, “So do I, I asked you to do it remember.”
“I enjoy the taboo of it. But, not so much that I would do it and not tell you about it.”
I grab her hands. “Do you want to take a break from the swinging?”
She bites her lip in thought and nods. “Maybe for the rest of summer… Just some light teasing here and there?”
I smile and squeeze her hand with mine, “Are you sure? Is this what YOU want?”
Her jaw tightens, and she shakes her head, “It’s fun… But I don’t want to hurt you, you nearly stopped us yesterday!”

“Yeah, but that’s because it was so much at once, but I heard you, I trust you.”

I inch close and put my forehead against hers. “I love you, Vi. I trust you fully. Won’t you cheat on me, right? Not emotionally, not behind my back?”
She whispers, her voice cracking, “I love you too. I would never, you’re my forever.”
“Then we don’t have to stop, we can keep having fun. I trust you.”
She collapses against my chest, “Thank you… I don’t want to lose you or make you feel like you’re losing me..”
“You’ll never lose me. We just have to keep being honest and open, right?”
I feel my shirt get wet as tears fall from her eyes, “Yes, completely honest. I love you so much.”
I hold her close.
She could be lying, she could be fucking other guys already.
But she’s not. I know she’s not.