And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean

Nick wasn’t at all surprised when Cinder said she needed to use the bathroom again, after they got lunch. At this point, as long as she wasn’t going in there to throw up (which she might have been…) he was fine with it.

He just hoped that she was okay. That was a pretty emotionally-charged conversation they’d shared, even if it was a positive one on Cinder’s part, so he wanted to make sure to give her as much space as she needed, just in case.

The poor girl was dealing with a lot; the last thing she needed right now was for him to put pressure on her, obviously.

Thankfully, Cinder wasn’t going into the bathroom to throw up. To her surprise, she hadn’t felt that hungry today; whatever Ella had eaten for breakfast, it must have been filling, because she lacked the usual emptiness she felt in her stomach after eating (and throwing up) a meal.

Besides, she had bigger fish to fry.

“Okay, you made your point,” she said snippily to her reflection. “Nick and I had a good time today. But this is your date, Ella. You should be the one spending time with him, not me! So come on, let’s go! Everything is safe now, the animals won’t hurt you, you can have your body back.”

Of course, the mirror didn’t say anything. Cinder might have met the legal definition of insanity (at least, that’s what her lawyer had been trying to argue in court) but that didn’t mean she was so crazy she could talk to her reflection.

…Well, she was talking to her reflection, but it wasn’t talking back, and that was what mattered.

“…Come on, Ella! Is this really what you want!?” Cinder groaned, grinding her palm into forehead in agitation at the lack of response from her other self. “You planned this whole date out, because you wanted to go to the zoo! You picked out an outfit and everything! Don’t just give it over to me because you feel bad, that isn’t what you should be hoping for!”

But again, Ella remained silent. She was somewhere deep in the recesses of Cinder’s mind, unreachable by her frustrated alternate self.

All Cinder could do was grumble in irritation and sigh, and then take a **** step back from the mirror.

“…Fine,” she muttered, shaking her head glumly. “If that’s how you feel… there’s nothing I can do about it then.”

She wasn’t happy about this at all. Even though she was enjoying her date with Nick (although telling him that would be like pulling teeth) this was still Ella’s date. Ella should have been the one enjoying all these good times with the boy she liked.

And Cinder… well, Cinder wanted to make it okay. She really did. But this wasn’t something that she was good at handling.

“…Fine, I’ll just do it myself,” she grumbled, giving her reflection one last glare before turning and storming out of the bathroom.

She made it halfway back to where Nick was waiting for her before remembering that she should try to be smiling right now. After all, a happy expression on her face was something that would make the date better, right? Nick would enjoy himself more, and that would mean things would be successful!

Only problem was, Cinder didn’t exactly have an abundance of experience being happy and smiling.

Damn it! I should have practiced my smiles in the mirror! Fucking puta! She cursed at herself, slapping her forehead. No use now; if she went back, she’d just be wasting even more time, and that was a no-go.

The only thing she could do at this point was try and fake it, and hope he didn’t catch on.

“H-hola, Nick,” she greeted him with the most uncomfortable-looking smile Nick had ever seen from someone. The awkward times his stepmother had tried to **** a smile when talking to him back when he was a kid didn’t look as painful as that smile did on Cinder’s face.

“…Everything okay?” He asked in spite of himself, looking at her, concerned. “You feeling alright, Cinder?”

“Of course!” Cinder said through gritted teeth, trying to strain her smile to widen. “Never better! Why do you ask?”

“Uh… no reason…” Nick said, shaking his head slowly. If she didn’t want to talk about why she was smiling like she was about to stab him, he wasn’t going to press the matter.

…Cinder’s smile was starting to hurt. She had **** it as much as she could, but eventually she had to give up. Her face fell and her usual stony expression returned. Oddly, she noted that Nick seemed to relax when she did that.

Well, I guess he’s not as interested in me smiling as I thought he was, Cinder thought, getting the exact wrong idea about the situation. Ironically, that led to a fainter, more relaxed smile to reach her lips, which Nick responded to much more positively.

“So what animals do you want to go see next?” Nick asked encouragingly. Cinder said that she wasn’t into the “cute” animals (though he knew that was a lie) so he wondered what her suggestion would be instead.

“Why are you asking me?” Cinder asked with surprising combativeness, crossing her arms over her chest. Not that it was surprising for Cinder to be combative; it was expected. But Nick wondered why now, after they’d developed such a good rapport so far today.

Nick scratched his head in confusion. “Well, I mean-”

“I’m perfectly fine with whatever, Nick,” Cinder interrupted him rudely. Apparently as long as she wasn’t being outright hostile, her behavior was perfectly fine in her eyes. Nick didn’t even want to begin unpacking that. “You keep asking me what I want to do, what about what you want, huh!? Doesn’t that matter? Am I the one who’s gotta put all the work into this date? That’s not fair! You should do your part too!”

Nick stared at her for a moment, confused by what she was saying. “Wait… huh?”

Was Cinder trying to… Nick didn’t even know at this point.

Cinder’s eye twitched as frustration bubbled up to the surface. She hated the way Nick was looking at her right now, it felt like he was pitying her!

“We’ve been doing what I want to do all day, and I’m tired of it!” She huffed. “This is supposed to be a mutual date, not ‘Let’s take Cinder to do everything she wants in order to make her feel like she’s having a good time’ day!”

Again, Nick was totally lost. Then he had a thought. “…Wait, Cinder…”

I think I get it now. She’s irritated that Ella turned control of their body over to her, so now she’s embarrassed about being the center of attention. As if me giving her more attention and focus is just going to make her feel put on the spot. So she wants me to do something I want to do instead, so she doesn’t feel like she’s getting any special treatment.

That was the best Nick could do in terms of deciphering the strange attitude of the girl in front of him. And it wasn’t like he had an issue with that, he could actually understand where Cinder was coming from a little bit.

After all, he was currently the central figure of a twisted reality show designed to make multiple women fawn all over him and grant his heart’s desires in order to obtain a wish. He was literally designated the center of their attention and focus, whether he liked it or not.

If there was anyone who could sympathize with Cinder feeling uncomfortable about being **** into the spotlight while thinking herself undeserving of it, it was him.

“And another thing!” Cinder added, taking Nick’s momentary pause of confusion as a sign that he was resistant to her idea, “You… Nick… you… rrgh, it’s not fair!”

“What’s not fair?” Nick asked hesitantly, trying to walk the line between being understanding and sounding condescending.

Cinder’s eyes flashed at him in aggravation.

“Everything! All of it!” She snapped. “What you were saying before, back at lunch! You were trying to convince me to tear my fucking walls down or whatever and open up to you, well, that’s not fair! Why’s it always ME who’s gotta be the one to fucking open up?! Stupid fucking men! I’m not spreading my- No, that’s not what I mean, I just… aargh!”

Cinder shook her head, her frustration and irritation at war with her driving urge to make the date a success. Her eyes flashed towards him and her expression soured.

She jammed her finger into his chest.

“…You need to do your part better!” She said finally, to a look of confusion and surprise from Nick.

“Huh?”

“This is about getting to know me? Well, aren’t I supposed to be getting to know you?” Cinder pointed out sharply. “But I don’t know crap!”

“Well…” Cinder was completely right, Nick knew, he just didn’t expect her… to actually care.

“See? Not so easy now that the shoe’s on the other foot, is it?” Cinder said with a sneering laugh. She crossed her arms over her chest, pleased to have apparently gotten one over on him.

Nick stared at her, not sure what to say.

“…Cinder, if you want to know more about me, you could have just asked,” Nick said. “I’m happy to tell you everything you’d like to know!”

Cinder blinked for a minute, taken aback. “…Fuck, seriously? …Err, I mean, well, fine! Then do it already, geez!”

Clearly she’d just been making a power play. But Nick hoped that some small part of her was at least a little curious about him.

“What would you like to know?” He asked earnestly. It wasn’t like he was a very private person. He just didn’t talk about himself much because he didn’t think anyone would really care about the things he had to say.

Cinder looked like her brain was short-circuiting.

“W-well… we can start, um, with… …What’s your favorite animal, then? …And not fish! Not that it’s bad that you like fish or anything, I just mean something we can see here,” she hastily clarified, fighting the blush spreading across her cheeks with everything she had.

Was Cinder trying to be considerate and take him to see his favorite animal? That was sweet of her! In fact, it was the sweetest thing Nick had ever seen Cinder do for someone other than Ella, which was more like doing something for herself.

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really have a favorite animal,” Nick admitted. “Even if we’re talking about fish, I just don’t. I like all different kinds of animals, it’s hard for me to just outright pick a favorite, you know?”

Cinder gave him a withering glare and he couldn’t help but return a sheepish smile. He knew that wasn’t exactly a helpful response.

“Just fucking pick one! Ugh! This is why I hate being nice to people, it’s so fucking pointless!” She groaned, so frustrated she didn’t even notice that she’d inadvertently just admitted that she was trying to be nice to him.

Again, Nick thought that was one of the most adorable things he’d ever seen. But he also knew better than to comment, given that he was dealing with Cinder.

“Well… how about wolves?” Nick suggested. “I always thought wolves were pretty cool when I was a kid.”

Cinder cringed. “Wolves? Seriously? Are you fucking crazy!? Those things are evil! They eat people! You can’t be serious!”

“Huh? No they don’t,” Nick said, shaking his head. “I mean, yeah, if someone was stranded alone in the woods and was helpless and a wolf pack found him then they’d possibly attack him, but that’s not the way they do things usually.”

Cinder frowned. “You sure?” She asked, not convinced. “I don’t think you know as much about wolves as you think you do.”

Fair enough, Nick wasn’t exactly an expert on the subject. But at the very least, he’d made it through the sixth grade. Could Cinder say the same?

“Wolves don’t even hunt in packs,” the latina said, rolling her eyes. She smirked. “Everybody knows that!”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure they do,” Nick replied, forcing himself not to smile. Cinder was so confident in her wrongness it was actually cute.

Her chest swelled with pride and she placed her hands on her hips. “You’re a fucking moron, you know that? You know the phrase ‘lone wolf’ is a thing, yeah? Wolves hunt on their own! They stalk through the forest following little girls, they break into homes and eat old ladies, they devour little pigs, everybody knows this stuff! Aren’t you supposed to be a fucking writer? HA! You fucking dumbass moron!” She cackled.

“Cinder, I’m pretty sure those are faerie tales,” Nick said, clasping his hand over his mouth because he couldn’t keep his smile hidden. “Come on, pigs don’t make houses out of straw.”

“Of course they don’t if they did, the wolf would eat them,” Cinder said bluntly. She rolled her eyes. “…Yes, I know those are faerie tales, Nick, I’m not a fucking idiot. Ella might believe in some of that stuff, but I don’t. I know that shit’s all made up to scare little kids. But they definitely didn’t make up the stuff about wolves hunting alone. That’s the whole point! ‘Don’t go out into the woods by yourself or the wolf will eat you’ the stuff about devouring granny is just dumb kid stuff.”

“Sure, okay,” Nick said, shrugging. “Let’s go see for ourselves then, sound good?”

“Fine!” Cinder sharply replied, narrowing her eyes. “And when I prove you wrong, I expect an apology!”

“…And here we have a pack of wolves, taking care of one another as they patrol their territory in a group, making sure that everyone sticks together,” Nola cheerfully announced. “Because all wolves know it’s safer to hunt as a pack than to strike out on your own.”

Nick locked his jaw and tried very hard not to say “I told you so” as Cinder leveled a scathing glare at the pack of wolves in the enclosure below.

“Wolves are fucking stupid and lame,” Cinder grumbled, stomping away. “Who wants to look at some dumb wolves? Not me!”

“Sorry, Cinder, but common media is really wrong in way too many ways,” Nick said, catching up to her as she tried to storm off. He ignored that most pop culture and media did in fact accurately portray wolves as pack animals, even if they got the specific dynamics mostly wrong.

“I don’t care! It’s dumb and stupid,” Cinder snapped. “I thought wolves were supposed to be cool!”

“You didn’t think those wolves were cool? Hunting together as a pack and taking care of one another?” Nick asked, not even realizing the danger of this conversation topic.

Cinder turned on him with a sharp look in her eyes.

“Lone wolves are cool! Hunting by themselves and being awesome and badass! But having to crowd up with a bunch of other wolves, that’s just… it’s just lame!”

Nick could see there was more going on here, but he was hesitant to push the matter. He looked cautiously at Cinder, wondering what he could say to help her feel more comfortable about all of this stuff.

“…Do you feel that way because you’ve always been alone your whole life?” He asked quietly, knowing that it was a risky question that had the chance of ruining everything he’d spent all morning building up with her.

The scathing glare in her eyes warned him of that possibility. But he kept going. “Cinder, you’re not a lone wolf. You have people who care about you. And I’m not just talking about Ella.”

“What, you mean you?” Cinder snorted. “Come on. You’re a nice guy, Nick, but let’s not pretend you’d have anything to do with me if it wasn’t for Ella.”

Her expression twisted into a smoldering glare.

“Ella’s the nice one. She’s the one everybody gets along with and wants to spend time with. What, I’m supposed to think of those other girls as my ‘pack’ or whatever shit? They don’t even like looking at me when I show up.”

“Because they think you’re going to get angry at them,” Nick rightly pointed out. “If you’re upset that people are **** to spend time with you, maybe you should look at your own behavior and ask yourself why that is.”

Cinder’s jaw dropped in shock. Nick was saying it was her fault?! “Well, maybe that’s too damn bad, then!” She snapped. “It’s not like I want to spend time with those losers anyway! Rose keeps trying to be all buddy-buddy and I can’t fucking stand it!”

“So that right there proves you’re wrong, right? Rose is trying to be your friend. So it’s not everybody,” Nick reminded her. He was coming right up to the edge now, if he wasn’t already over it. But he needed to correct Cinder’s assumption that the other girls didn’t want anything to do with her.

Fortunately, Cinder didn’t have some scathing remark up her sleeve to slap him in the face with.

“…So fucking what?” She muttered, looking away. “Like it even fucking matters…”

“It does matter,” Nick said gently. “The reason the others are always walking on eggshells around you is because they don’t know if what they’re going to say will set you off or not.”

“Good! I don’t want them talking to me at all!” Cinder snapped.

“Is that really true?” Nick asked, making her flinch. “Then why are you so upset that they don’t want to spend time with you in the first place?”

“That… …Shut up!” Cinder stomped her foot, frustrated by the fact that Nick was making solid, logical points. “What do you even fucking know, anyway?!”

Nick shrugged. “Not very much, I’ll admit,” he said gently. “I’m just trying to help, Cinder.”

“Well, stop it. I don’t need your help, and I don’t need a bunch of annoying fucking women trying to be all friendly and nice with me!” Cinder snapped at him. “So come on, just drop it already and let’s get back to our date! We’re trying to have a good time here, or did you fucking forget?!”

Nick hadn’t forgotten for one second. But he didn’t know how “good” of a time they could possibly have with Cinder in her current mood.

He tried not to let it show. But Cinder was far too experienced when it came to picking up on the moods of others, and her face twisted into a look of anxious frustration.

“Look… it’s fine, okay?” She mumbled, unable to look him in the eye. “The others don’t like me, and I don’t like them. That’s just the way it is. You don’t need to feel bad about it or anything.”

That was just her trying to be tough. So much of what Cinder said and did was a defense mechanism on her part; Nick knew that now better than he ever had before. He just wished there was something he could say that could help her get past these painful emotions filling her.

“Cinder…”

“Just… just drop it, okay?” Cinder grumbled. “We’re ruining the date.”

There was a finality in her tone, and it made Nick stop. Anything he said after that point, he knew it would just make matters worse. So he closed his mouth and nodded along with her, trying not to push her any further over the edge.