Caught

Alex Carpenter was sitting at his computer late one night in his one bedroom apartment and was feeling listless again. Fresh off a second divorce at 45, he had forsworn women because his failed marriages to two completely different broken women, sapped his libido.

"Fuckin crazy women that did this to me." He said as he simulated a half warmup pitch/chi8cken wing motion, as his friend DeMarcus looked on. His first wife left him a more than slightly exhausted on more than a few nights, she turned 45 minutes to an hour of intimacy into a six hour chore in which breaking rocks would be more enjoyable. Her excessive playing with a toy after an hour of fucking made him question whether or not he needed rotator cuff surgery now, and this was ten years later.

Orthopedic surgery needs aside, she would call him selfish for not wanting to put a full 8 hour shift in. He finally gave up fucking his first wife when she'd not shower for about four days and treated him like he was an asshole for not wanting to fuck her, as he adjusted slings on each arm and could smell the barnyard that was being grown as soon as she pulled her panties down to try amd entice him.

"Go take a shower for fucks sake, your...your pussy vapors are making my eyes burn" Strangely, after an argument with him over his last six bucks later that night, she left, only to be seen or heard when she would harrass him for **** money.

His second ex-wife he met in the bathroom of his best friend/**** dealer. A short black lesbian who sold his particular poison. He ended up smoking percocets with her hot stepdaughter and hitting it off. Nobody expected them to make it over nine years after starting their relationship in a bathroom doing narcotics, with multiple breakups that led her to sleeping with some trashbag. Or sleeping with some trashbag leading to breakups. He wasnt a saint either, a heroin addict, albeit free of the needle, and a penchant for liking meth led her to prison and him to sobriety in Utah, then New Hampshire. 9½ years total. No matter that it probably ended how it started, he was incredibly proud they made it far, even though she went slightly batshit and decided to hate him in the end for her own reasons.

DeMarcus looked over and said "Yo man, your windmilling there, more like two shakeweights. Here, me and Ronnie got more than that for your physical therapy."