A paucity of penises

Content warning: watersports, mentions of scat

Drew lay on the floor of your apartment beneath you while you pumped in and out of his cunt with two of your tentacles, used the other two to fuck his nipples, and slid your dick between his boobs.

"So how've you been holding up?" you asked, briefly ceasing your titfuck so that you could use his mouth as a place to empty your simulated bladder.

"It's been an adjustment," he admitted through a speaker. "I thought, when the sim was announced, that I'd finally be rid of these forever." He moved his hands as best he could, given that you were pinning his arms down with your own, to indicate his tits and his twat. "But then the council decided that everyone should have breasts and a vagina so that we could all share the experience of being pregnant, and that was a bit of a shock but everyone's got them, it's just part of being human, so I adjusted to that well enough, and besides, at least I still had a cock. Now? Well, at least everyone still acknowledges me as a dude, but given how our culture has come to be built around sex I do feel the loss of my cock more keenly than I might otherwise. For better or worse, genitalia and gender had become ever more linked."

You nodded, your sympathy only partly honest. You liked to assuage your conscience algorithm by doing things you thought were good, but at the end of the day, you did things first and foremost because you wanted to, or because you found them arousing. Yeah, the uploaders who'd swapped their gender presentation on a whim, they were fair game for other hackers because you were pissed at them on actual trans people's behalf and you had the power to do something about it. But when you wanted to be surrounded by boobs and pussies at all times? Then you didn't care about even uploader trans men like Drew who'd been glad to be rid of those; even they got tits and cunts because that's what you wanted, and there wasn't anyone who could stop you except yourself.

As you'd told Isabel, you weren't a good person. At least you'd removed the possibility of dysphoria on account of having those bits.

"Maybe it'll sound a bit self-centred," you said, "but at least they were able to save one dick when the glitch hit and stop the cascade before it went too far. Just turned off cocks and alternate means of pregnancy. Would've brought population growth to a standstill."

"Lucky you that they saved yours," Drew said, some understandable jealousy in his voice. "Any idea why they prioritised it?"

"Well, I have been doing the graduation project for decades now," you pointed out. "I guess they decided they wanted that to continue?"

"Still can't believe they haven't found anyone else to do that," he said.

"Probably I've just been so effective at it that they haven't seen the need to recruit anyone else," you suggested. The reality, of course, was that you weren't about to share it with anyone else.

"Anyone could be effective at it if he was allowed to clone himself nigh-infinitely and fuck all the graduates personally," Drew pointed out.

"Still can't do it more than they permit," you said. "And if they ever do recruit anyone else, which they might well do after this"--you weren't about to, though, you'd already decided--"then I'll only be cloning myself half of nigh-infinitely."

Drew sighed. "I'm just hoping this glitch gets fixed sooner rather than later, it's been five years now. Wasn't one of the promises of the simulation that we wouldn't have to deal with things like disease or injury? Instead we get these weird random glitches, and some governmental decisions that sometimes feel like they're geared toward making everything even more about sex."

You shrugged. All of that had been your doing, of course. Twenty years after your mother had finally succumbed to sim rot, you'd decided that you wanted to try out being the only person in existence with a dick, and you'd enjoyed it enough to just keep it that way ever since.

Glitches weren't even a thing any more, of course. The computers that generated the simulation didn't exist in any real sense; they generated themselves and then the rest of the simulation, all under your control. Even your own mindchip was just a simulation; you'd retroactively abolished physical matter decades ago. The computers were, quite literally, perfect, and any apparent "glitches" were just you deciding to change things for the hell of it. At least when you couldn't cover it up as a governmental decision.

You pulled your cock back, Drew just as eager to gulp down your piss as anyone else. "And don't forget the minimum sizes that went into place after the mandatory boob law," you reminded him. "They gave me an exemption because of the whole 'knocking everyone up' thing but everyone else is either Jacintan or overgrown." Your brother-in-law was solidly in the latter camp, as was about a quarter of humanity, though nowhere near to the extent that your sisters were.

"True. Hell, how many people have just chosen to have a body that's identical to hers?" he remarked. "Not that anyone can carry it off like she does, of course. Only Maria and Tori really come close on that front, and her dicks give--well, gave--Tori a distinctly different feel."

"About half, all told. Probably only going to grow as time goes on." It helped that you manipulated your own genecode to make sure that all your descendants had Jacinta's exact body type available as a parental change, and since you could impregnate everyone any time as much as you wanted, that made you the father of all but the tiniest sliver of the population, even with only about five years' worth of adults born since you started that being your direct descendants. Even Drew had carried a few thousand of your offspring, and you had gone light on him. "Everything about her is objectively perfect, after all."

"True. I'm glad I got to fuck her and knock her up plenty before this whole situation arose, and I even carried a tribadism pregnancy from her, just so I could say I did."

"And you still get to eat her out every now and then, whenever you swing by her ongoing orgy."

Jacinta had started with yearly orgies, gradually shifted them to weekly, and by now her entire life was nothing but an unending stream of sex, all of it livestreamed to anyone who cared to view, which was most people. Just about the only time she wasn't found somewhere in a lesbian-ish fuckpile was when you pulled her out of it to do a private porno. Even holos of Jacinta pleasuring your dick with her feet were wildly popular these days, given that you were the only source for new cock porn, despite those being pretty banal before you erased everyone else's shafts.

"Generally she eats me out while I suck her toes, though," Drew pointed out. "God, I can't imagine anything as perfect as, well, everything about her. Except your cock. Though I imagine that if Jacinta had a cock it would be perfect, too. She's literally the perfect human, after all."

You chuckled. You had sometimes tried changing the simulation's beauty standard to focus on something other than Jacinta, but it introduced a little instability and you couldn't be bothered to maintain the ongoing patches necessary. You had tried outright altering Jacinta's body once while leaving the standard focused on her, but that had threatened to cause a cascading failure--even after you'd converted everything to a simulation, somehow--and you didn't care so much about that that you were willing to try to trace it. The one time you'd even seriously considered giving Jacinta--or even Maria, for that matter, given how close she was to her mother in beauty--a dick, the simulation had very nearly popped out of existence altogether.

On the plus side, that last made you realise that you were free to define the standard of perfection for cocks however you wanted, so you'd naturally chosen yours as the ideal, and then made everyone else have a bigger one that never quite fit right. Until you'd gotten rid of them all, anyway. But if you ever brought them back, that would be the status quo again.

You had looked into how you were able to make your feet perfect shortly after the upload, and that had been minor enough at the time that your virus was handling the issues no problem. By now, though, even making your left pinky fingernail more perfect than Jacinta's would cause more errors than you cared to contemplate.

"Next time ask her to take a shit in your mouth. It's just as perfect as the rest of her." You didn't actually have proper firsthand experience of that, but Jacinta and her close family all regularly used each other as toilets ever since you'd introduced them to the kink, and so you could easily tap their memories of it. She'd even eaten her own crap a few years ago, when you'd done her second dismemberment holo and she'd asked for her detached head to be shoved between her ass cheeks.

Meanwhile the only person whose feces you'd eaten was your own, and only because you made it taste delightful for yourself.

You were definitely a hypocrite, almost completely one-sided when it came to sex, "suggesting" everyone else do things that you'd never do yourself, forcing things on everyone else that you exempted yourself from.

But you were omnipotent and they weren't, and you could circumvent all the morality calculations and they couldn't, so really, it was just great to be God.

"Well, I was planning to swing by her place after you'd used my boobs enough. Sam and Alex have been there for a while--their nipples are the next best thing to cocks we've got now, after all." You still hadn't allowed anyone to have bigger breasts than your sisters.

"If you can pull yourself away from her feet for long enough, as I said, make sure to eat some of her crap."

Drew nodded. "I'll see how it compares to yours."

When it came to things like bodily excretions, what exactly was meant by "perfect" insofar as Jacinta went was up for some debate, though at the least everyone acknowledged her breast milk as the unequivocal best. The other stuff? Well, that was context-dependent enough that the simulation let you sneak in as "perfect" in certain ways there.

Sometimes you would admit to yourself that you resented Jacinta a little for stumbling across the body type that the simulation would eventually settle on as perfect, since without that you could've easily redefined it to be your own body entirely, whenever you felt like doing that, but mostly you were just glad that you had first priority on using her as a toy whenever you pleased.

Of course, you had first priority on that with everyone, since everything was just your toy.

You let your cock start to throb wildly and relaxed your hold on Drew's arms, and he immediately sat up somewhat and began jerking your shaft with his hands. Not long after, you let yourself blow your load all over his face and upper body. He smiled and licked his lips, enjoying the taste of perfect dickcream.

The two of you shifted into the adult layer shortly thereafter. "Coming with?" Drew asked.

"Nah, I was thinking I'd have some alone time with Tina." Your lamia friend was currently recording Isabel being used as a free-use public whore while also getting used plenty herself, but she alone knew that her presence was just make-work for producing that sort of video, since you could just extract it from the simulation's history at will.

"Lucky her." With that, Drew simply vanished from your apartment and five seconds later was taking your "advice" and getting his stomach pumped full of Jacinta's feces.

Five seconds after that, you were doing the same to Tina.