Mail 1 (R)

The camera focused on Genet, who was sitting on the couch of her apartment. She smiled and gave a little wave to the camera. “Hey everyone! I don’t usually speak to you all directly like this, but it’s time for a tradition that some of the younger hosts started during my last sabbatical: the fanmail episode. I’m splitting up when ours air to be in between votes, so everyone at home has something to tide them over both while I get the transformations finalized and while the votes for the girls are coming in. The cast is still eating dinner, so I’ll go first to give them time to finish.”

She eyed through the mountain of envelopes, trying to decide which one to start with. Then she spotted one sealed with golden wax, and eagerly grabbed it. Breaking the seal, she read out loud:

Genet,
Congratulations on the successful completion of your first challenge. We’ve just moved your newest season to the “challenge complete” category. I even won a fiver from #46372 since you beat young Sally to it. You’ve made some great progress with your contestants so far, while letting the drama play out, which is always appreciated. Might I add that scouring your footage for the best screenshots to add to our packages for the less technologically accessible universes has been a real pleasure. Those of us who get stuck in the records room often dream of putting together seasons of our own, and this really helps scratch the creative itch.
Continuing well wishes,
O (Employee #03510)

“Thank you O.” Genet beamed. “I want you to know I’ve loved working with you too! I’m surprised Sally’s challenge hasn’t aired yet, but maybe she just needs to reach a point where she can pause her game before she finishes uploading the footage?

“By the way, I realized I forgot to give out almost all of the quarter BP bonuses. I know, I know, I keep forgetting points. I'm just out of practice on attaching extrinsic motivators to these things. If I message you with which ones need to be fixed, can you adjust them on the scoreboard while we’re running the Best Girl poll? Thank you, I’m sorry to be giving you more work during a fanmail episode.” She blew a kiss thanking him for his understanding, and set the letter down on the other side of her.

“Now which one next… Ah, here we go.”

Genet-
Congratulations dear. The season seems off to a good start, with only the one real hiccup that I was glad to help with. Shame we didn't get Luna as the master like we'd hoped though. Well, I'm certain you'll still win your bet before the end. Looking forward to the upcoming challenge, it should be quite exciting. I tried infusing this batch with cinnamon, I hope you like it.

• Shar.
• P.S. I have not shown your season to Tracy yet or you would likely have a lot more mail.

Genet smiled again as she unveiled a bottle of Irish mead cradled in a basket of roses. “Thank you for that generous gift, I might have to share it with Vaughn and Mark. They can both drink me under the table. I think everything will turn out alright with the bet too, especially with Luna involved. I think she’s kind of our version of your Tracy. Though thankfully not as ****, I think that if Helena heard from someone like Tracy she might try to depose me again.” Genet chuckled before putting it next to O’s. “Now let’s do… this one.”

Dear Genet,
Congrats on making a fun and sexy season for us to enjoy. When I heard that the master was a politician and that politics would be a thing with the season I worried, but you actually made it good. Personally I would have never touched politics with a 1,000 foot pole but you've made me see that it can work. Really rooting for you on your bet though it seems some of them are going to make you work for it. Especially that Helena. You made some progress there but I'm hoping it didn't traumatize her for life or anything. I know my interactions with Yuki have given me lifelong nightmares. Should have brought her to me instead. I could have lit a fire under her butt in a much more fun way. Well anyway good luck with your bet. Will be sending some of your girls some gifts that will hopefully help fan the fun.
Sincerely yours,
Sally

Genet nodded, smiling slightly less as she tried to decide how to answer. “Thanks for your trust Sally. I’ve got some experience with politicians if that makes you feel better. I only pick the ones I feel comfortable helping, though them being kind doesn’t always make them easy to work with. You should ask your parents about the season where I had Chuck as the Master” Genet sighed, remembering fondly her stubborn previous client. “On Hel, I wish that could've been handled differently too. She’s handled some situations that were similar and come out the better for it, so I’m hoping that she does the same here.”

The host moved on, selecting an envelope with blue lettering on the outside Shar had told her about:

Greetings,
While I may keep this shorter than my usual ones, I will address congratulations for a first week over, and a commitment to make this season’s cast not merely a Harem, but also a fully functional polycule. Always a pleasure when this show works with the contestants to make something positive for them at the end of the day. And happy the situation with Helena did end up having a positive outcome, despite a… shaky start. Not sure how much detail of Shar’s season as a contestant you mentioned while you were tuned out, but welp, that’s passed, and your Producer is likely unhappy with the outcome, so it sounds like a win. And also like he learnt fuck-all from all this time in his previous job if speculations on the forums hold. And… an interesting development for everyone involved I’d say. I have been impolitely late for this, but… I also got caught up in something recently. I guess this is going to offer a more… Inside look at this whole thing. And thankfully, with folks with similar philosophy to yours. I do hope this season manages to avoid more problems from upper management, and do get where you want it to end.
Keep going,
Hardric.
PS: Curious to know if partnerships other than Shar are considered, or more from Shar and her cast.

“It’s good to hear from you Hardric, especially now that you’re on the other side of production. I agree with your remarks on my plans for the cast. I don’t take anyone anymore unless I think I can make their lives better than it was before.

"I personally didn’t know what we were in for. Shar had mentioned to me previously that she won her season and became a host, and so I found an old tape I was hoping would inspire Hel. But then we both saw it, and we all know how that turned out.

“On Helena and Jay… I’m glad that ended how it did, she scared me for a bit there. Jay’s good most of the time, I wouldn’t have let him take over for me as Host back during a previous break if I didn’t think he could handle it. He just has some specific “I hate my wife” blindspots.”

Genet moved on, selecting another letter that HH’s mail department had been stamped with the “Host Priority” symbol.

Dear Genet,
It is a pleasure as always. So glad to see you reach your current season's first challenge and look forward to seeing the new round of TFs for the Master’s Girls. I also whole-heartily approve of TFing the Master as well. Also don’t listen to what the bitch Yuki has to say about being a real host. You are doing a great job and when my current season ends, if you need a new producer give me a ring. I won’t fuck with your season plan like your current producer is apparently doing. You have my deepest sympathies in that regard as I know the pain all too well.
Good Luck,
Your Friend and Colleague
Cassandra L.
Host of Harem Hotel: Missed Connections
P.S. If you ever need a spare TF or some more help like Shar gave you, give me a ring. I got plenty of spare magic to send your way.

“Thank you for the offer, and for the reassurances. As I told Hardric, I think Jay will settle down after this, especially if a TF of my design wins her poll this round. If he doesn’t, I might see if you’re still available in a few decades.

“I… that visit to Yuki’s was hard. I think what made it harder than Helena being with any other darksider, is that Yuki and I were friends once upon a time. I want to defend myself by saying that I was a much worse person back then, but I still remember working with her back before I was the woman I am now. It’s hard not to care about what she says, even if we’re not friends anymore. So thank you, again. Maybe we could meet for tea or drinks or whatever you want sometime.”

Genet put the letter down. I need a fun one after that. Then she spotted a charred envelope, and eagerly ripped it open:

Dear Genet,
Let me congratulate you on the start of your first challenge. I understand you had some hiccups getting there. It is certainly a task to wrangle these heathens, isn’t it?
It seems like you have also been saddled with some real tiresome individuals, so I sympathize. I also wanted to officially thank you for the kind-hearted advice you provided in your last letter. I certainly understand that I am new to this and less experienced in the realm of frivolity that you are so well versed in, so I wanted to make sure you know I have taken it to heart.
That being said, I do understand that not everyone’s tastes are as refined as yours, and I must serve my blasted audience. I think I have begun to really understand my role here and what I want to achieve with this show I have been given, so I encourage you to keep watching. Reyna tells me you are quite experienced in your role, so I look forward to our continuing friendship. As for the other matter of the lesson you discussed in your previous letter I-

What follows is a long string of what appears to be erased words, rewritten, scribbled out, and then covered in scorch marks.

I am very busy with my season, as inexperienced as I am. Maybe if I’m still around following my season, we can talk then. I have attached a parcel of Castelmagno from my hometown of Cuneo. Don’t mind the smell, it’s supposed to be that way.
Grazie tante,
Lucian Medici

Genet’s mood was restored. “It’s good to hear from you, Lucy, and thanks for the cheese. I may end up sharing it with my niece Concordia. I love Helena and my little heathens, and I’m certainly hoping this round will be even better than the first one. Everyone seems to be at least loosely on board now, and so I'm hoping to concentrate on bringing a "It's complicated" element as much as possible to everyone's relationship statuses.

"If you want to meet with me to “discuss frivolity”, or do anything else, I’m sure I can find time to accommodate your busy schedule. I’ve heard Sally might be interested too, if you wanted someone else to “discuss frivolity” with. Maybe the three of us could even “discuss frivolity” together?” Genet winked into the camera.

“Whatever you decide, I can’t wait to see what Noemi and the rest of your girls do next.”

Genet looked down at the remaining bag of envelopes. “I don’t want to monopolize all the time this episode. I think I’ll do a quick commercial break before letting the Master have a turn.”

***

The camera came back from the channel's sponsors to the Host and Master in the Master’s Cottage.

Genet reached for Richard’s empty plate of pasta. “I’ll get that out of your hair, and trade you for this.” She pulled a bag out of her purse that was somehow thrice the size of the purse itself. The bag vaguely resembled Santa’s bag in the movies Dick had grown up with. “These are all people that wanted to greet you or give you a message. Read them out loud, respond, text me if there’s anything too upsetting. I’ll text you a reminder a few minutes before everyone’s meeting at the auditorium. Sounds alright?”

“I suppose so.” Richard replied. “These are all viewers?”

“A mixture of viewers, masters and contestants of other casts, and the occasional Host. Participants from other shows are specially marked to help with crossover marketing, so I’d appreciate it if you tried to do those first if possible.” Genet explained.

The Master nodded, and Genet teleported away in a cloud of smoke that smelled of freshly cut grass. He was left alone, and after opening the drawstring on the bag started reading the first letter:

Dear Richard,
I doubt you know who I am. I only recently became aware of you after the assistant in my season insisted we write to your group in response to your first challenge…as well as a collection of clips. Even though I know countless people have viewed it already, and I myself am in much the same situation, it felt like an intrusion of privacy, so I do apologize for that. Sorry, I said all that without giving my name. I’m Caleb Ward, I am also a “Master” on a season of this gods forsaken show. I say that, but gods are probably actively watching this hellhole. Sorry, easily distracted when a thought gets to me. Like I said, I’m stuck in very much the same situation so it seems egotistical to give advice or anything.
The only thing I can think of is, do not trust the host at any point. I don’t know who is running your show, but if they’re anything like the guy running mine, they will not hesitate to cajole you into playing their way and then stab you in the back with a smile on their face. Ultimately, they care about the success of the show more than any one person there. So don’t trust them, and look after those brought here because of you. You may not have had a choice, I certainly didn’t, but now I know more than ever if anything happens to these women, that’s on me. You seem like you have a good group around you, they argue less than mine at least. I just hope you all make it out the other side relatively unscathed.
Best of Luck,
Caleb Ward

“Jeezus.” Richard frowned as he read out the warning. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Not everything here has been perfect, but from the sound of it I’ve been on a stroll through the park while you’ve been in “that hellhole".

"I say this to reassure you and wish it didn’t sound like I was bragging: I’m pretty sure my Host is better than yours. She doesn’t have the same goals as I do and she can be a bit strange, but she honestly is trying to help in her own way. I’m sorry that I can’t do anything to help you in your situation, but if there’s any way for you to come here I would do my best to protect you.” I should be doing more.

He put down the letter and moved to the next one:

Congressman,
I hope this letter finds you well. After finding out that there are other seasons of this interdimensional smut show going on, other groups kidnapped by powers beyond us, and that there are opportunities to communicate, I am trying to pay more attention to Harem Hotel Hereafter (the streaming service the show is on, though it may be branded different for you) and, lo and behold, I see your season is accepting fan mail. I thought I should write, maybe try to help.
I only caught sporadic bits of your season while writing this, but you seem to be handling this way better than I am. Then again, your Host seems much **** than my first. I’ll tell you like I told the other ‘Master’ I wrote to, it is your responsibility to get all of them out of there, as sane and as whole as possible. Eliminations hurt, even if they are earned, especially if your Host wishes to rub salt into the wound by making you write it as my season’s producer did to me. I hope and pray that your sister can earn enough points to remain a person in the arms of that fetching bodyguard of hers at the end of your pornographic ****. Family is important and I couldn’t imagine my sister being **** on me like that. I hope one of you can do the math to figure that out soon. I’d try to help, but different seasons have different scoring systems; what works for mine would not work for yours. All I can say is: the sooner you figure it out, the more likely you can find something to solve whatever problem is in the way.
I learned my lesson from the last gift I gave. So, here are a couple of (hopefully safer, less host-irritating) goodies. First, a gift perhaps more for your girls (ugh, is there a better way of referring to them as a group? Still haven’t figured that out.): a two-tailed fox plushy. It has a Calm Emotions enchantment on it. Hug it and it will take the edge off of some raw feelings; it won’t completely remove them and it is a temporary solution, but it can certainly help. Second, a grade ten mint Ebon Water Lily, sealed in the appropriate card case, for that card game from your dimension you like so much (the strange things you can find in the fan-mail gift catalogs; can you believe it’s cheaper than the plushy?). Hopefully, those can’t cause too much trouble?
Regards,
Harper

Richard nodded. “Thank you for the card and the plush. I promise I’ll find a good use for the plush, and Hel’s been trying to find me an Ebon Lily like this for a while. She’s found a couple grade eights that she apologized for getting me last year at Christmas, but hopefully she’ll stop trying so hard once she knows I already have a grade ten.

“On the meat of what you wrote, I understand how lucky we got. It could’ve gone a lot worse. Everyone here is my responsibility, since my attachment to them is what brought them here. I promise to do what I can for them.” Felicia was really bothered by what happened. I should check on her again. He sent a message to her:

Hey, are you alright? Do you want me to come over?

Her response came a moment later:

Not right now. Thanks.

Richard frowned. That was unusually formal for her. But he wanted to respect her wishes, so he opened up another letter:

From: Kevin
To: Richard
I don’t think that there’s all that much advice I can give you within the show that you won’t have already thought of yourself. The women around you are a competent and capable bunch, and while I’m glad that you have the comfort of being surrounded by loved ones, I can’t imagine what it must be like to watch as the relationships around you are bent into shape.
I’m not sure which district you represent, but as a long-time tabletop gamer—if there’s blowback about the fact that you’re in a massive poly relationship when you get home, maybe just see what you can do to reach out to the nerd population of your constituents? If the people I’ve talked to are any indication, the overlap between the poly community and the tabletop gaming community is pretty strong, that might be enough to help offset whatever votes you might otherwise lose.

“Huh. Honestly, other than the fishing bill I hadn’t really thought about much after the season. I know that is part of Genet’s big goal, but I…I’ve just been trying to take it day by day for everyone. I should talk to Ava about this. She’s friends with the owner of The Silver Dragon back in Georgetown. They might have contacts closer to my district that would help me. Thanks for the advice, Kevin.”

Richard picked up the next one:

Hey Richard,
My name is Mark. I’m the ‘Master’ on another season of this show. I actually read about your season before getting pulled onto my own. I thought it was just some smutty fiction-

Richard furrowed his brow. “So you were part of the audience before you were taken? I wonder if that made you feel more prepared for something like this.” He started reading again:

One thing I will say is: good job at not rejecting the advances of your harem members. I know it’s a tough balancing act but try to make it work for each of them. I’m sorry about Helena, I know that must be extremely awkward. Your season seems more forgiving than most for someone in her position, but it is likely to be rough on her if she can’t accept you two being together. I wish you and yours the best and that you can come out happy and yourselves by the end of your season.
Mark Garret
Master of Harem Hotel: Missed Connections
P.S. We apparently don’t get to choose our titles in the signature block.
P.P.S. I’ve included an ‘enhance vigor’ potion from my BP Store. Please see Genet if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours.

“Thanks for the potion. I’m assuming that warning attached is a joke? I’m sure it’ll come in handy at some point. Luna told me while we were having dinner together that there are bonuses for larger groups, so this could be useful for getting us to six hundred faster. With everything else you said, I promise to do my best.”

Richard was about to put it down when he realized there was a second envelope taped to it:

Greetings Richard,
I’m the host of another season. Genet is a peer that I actually like, and is far **** than most. Just ask Helena if you don’t believe me. I am a big believer in happily-ever-afters. I’ve noticed you don’t have a great place to unwind at the moment. So I’m sending you a coupon that I hope Genet will honor for a basic structure like Murphy’s, that you can design yourself.
Sincerely
Cassandra L.
Host of Harem Hotel: Missed Connections

It feels odd to get a letter from another host. “Thank you for that, Cassandra. I’m not sure what I’d use it for yet since I don’t have a ton of free time, but I’ll give it some thought.” He put both letters down on the desk, and the gifts that came with them on the bed.

To Richard, from Hardric:
Funny implications of the address asides, Greetings.
I would offer heartfelt congratulations for managing to get your sister out of the trap the Producer in charge of your season dug for her. Cannot have been easy to deal with at any point, and welp, comes from someone watching this show, and someone who can tell… Both of you aren’t the first, last, or the only ones to have to deal with Elimination risks. Good again you managed to defuse this.
Still, all props to you for dealing with this to the best of your abilities, and making damn sure the ladies with you get out too with changes they can live with. Hopefully you can work something out together that works for everyone, and welp, you have the Master spot, which means it will be a ‘You’ job a lot. Can’t be worse than politics though.

“Just like the others, I appreciate your kind words for Hel and I. I understand my responsibility to everyone.”

Dunno your feelings about Genet after the ’incident’, but I’d say you can likely work with her at least. She’s definitely on the kind side of what this show can offer to people, as Helena… can attest too (for more concrete examples of this potentially be good for people, think TF for trans).

“I… she can be frustrating at times, the way she can rush in. But she has been helpful when I know she didn’t need to be plenty of times. I trust her, at least for now.

“In your example, you’re talking about magic transitions for people? I’m curious how some of the people that have experienced it feel about going through it.”

And I’d say remain careful about her Producer. He sounds like a sore loser, liable to try something again. Especially if speculation threads about who he, Genet, and folks involved for your season is true. In that case, he’s all that. And a fucking raging hypocrite on so many levels (not including because I dunno if it would be censored, but... Antiquity was full of clubs of powerful capricious wankers).

Richard stopped again. “You all are talking about her and the Producer’s identities? I hadn’t even thought about whether they might be anyone notable outside of the show. That’d be helpful to know, if there’s a chance I may have to work with her in the far future.

“I’m assuming you want Antiquity to be a clue, given your phrasing here? I appreciate the hint, I may have to ask Aubs if she knows. I love history, but my expertise doesn’t extend much further than the French Revolution. She’s a lot smarter than me when it comes to the older stuff like that.” He started up again:

Welp, I thought circumstances on my side would make a briefer thing, but look at this.
Still, best wishes for success. And make this your happiness for you and the others, fuck everyone else’s opinions, audience included. Especially the audience included if something goes wrong.
Keep going,
Hardric.

“Thank you Hardric, for both the warning and the hint.” Dick placed it with the others.

He took the next letter from the bag, which had been stamped with a fancy red seal that felt oddly familiar. Opening it, Richard read:

Dear Dick,
I'll be honest. Most of my knowledge of your Earth culture comes from video games and manga so I don't have a perfect grasp of your job. I know most of what those mediums taught me means that there was like a ninety percent chance of you being awful so glad that you beat the statistics.

Richard stopped. “I mean, ninety percent is a pretty **** exaggeration. I know-” He tried to quickly think of positive examples to use, then pivoted when he realized how accurate she may have been. “Maybe eighty percent.” He kept reading:

You're doing pretty good so far though you need to put a bit more work into bringing those numbers up. You've brought the love category up to three but the other one hasn't changed. You need to start getting more girls on board with the fact that they are going to have to share you.

“Ok, this is something I have to partially disagree with. The ‘love category’ and the ‘sharing category’ are Genet’s things, not mine. I lose a lot of my independence, possibly even my career in politics if I need to treat her as a partner. Luna and I are aiming for six hundred VP, so we can leave on our turns and everyone leaves with a situation they’re comfortable with.” After pushing back, he went back to reading out loud:

You especially need to start putting some work into getting Helena on board with both columns since she's going to be really stubborn. Still I see potential with that obsessive insistence on reminding people y'all aren't blood related. Good luck and have some good sexy fun with Felicia!
Optimistic of your loving harem,
Sally

Richard folded the letter up and addressed the wall that he’d been imagining the camera at. He tried to look stern. “I do not plan on pressuring my stepsister into anything she does not want to do. If she changes her mind in the future, I’ll cross that bridge then. But for now with her, Ava, and Maeve, I want to be respectful of the fact that they aren’t interested in anything physical with me like the others. Felicia, of course, I’ll do everything I can for her. But please don’t punish them for not wanting to be here.” He took a deep breath, trying to refocus. “I apologize if that felt too harsh. Just don't hurt her, please.”

He set it down with the others, and picked up a postcard on top of the pile. Given the length, he skimmed it before reading it aloud and started blushing.

Dick,
You should give Hazel an extra spanking (the sexy kind, not the punishment kind) for helping out this week. Really dodged a bullet with your Sis there, but I’m glad you could Step up and make sure she didn’t get eliminated when it counted. Lots of Masters need to learn that lesson the hard way…
Make sure you pay it forward! Maeve and Ava are barely above water and there’s some big red flags waving that could spell trouble for the rest of your harem. They need Dick! (heh heh). Get to it Mr. Rich and Hard!
Rooting for your happiness!
Vee

“Given what this show is about, I’m surprised it took so long to get something so unabashedly horny. I’ll see with Hazel this round if that’s something she’d enjoy. I haven’t done something like... spanking... before, but I’m willing to experiment?

“As far as Maeve and Ava I see your point, and Sally’s as much as I was rude to her. I’ll bring up their point totals if they don’t on our dates, just to make sure we have a plan in place.” He set the postcard down, and pulled the next one from the bag. After he ripped open the envelope the paper inside unfolded magically by itself, fully presenting a few dozen pages to him. A cover page was stapled to the front, proclaiming the title of the pamphlet: Ten Essays on the Benefits of Milking Your Doctor.

“Speaking of being unabashedly horny…” Richard murmured. “Do I really need to read this one out loud?”