The salt

You take the canister of salt in your hand and, with the last of your measly strength, you send it barreling at the burglar’s head. It directly hits his nose, eliciting one brief word. “Ow.” Some grains of salt come loose from the open canister in the process, sprinkling saltiness across his shirt, shoes, and face.

The next moment, bright beams of white light shoot from his eyes and mouth, accompanied by a bloodcurdling scream. The white light gradually turns into a mist that floats into the air and then dissipates. While you cower in terror, Sally’s response is much more positive.

‘There! You did it! Take that, creepy ugly ghost! Try to put your gross, aberrational dick in me? No way! Not even **** puts me in your league. My sexy ghost form is still too good for no-lives like you. Just take a hint and die properly already!’ Wow, she really doesn’t like ghosts. ‘I hate ‘em! They always tried to fuck me when I was alive, too! But even in the afterlife, this pussy is proud to be ghost-free. Like I’d give it up to someone who can’t even ascend from the mortal realm correctly!’ But total strangers are fine? ‘You don’t know how good mortal cock is until it’s gone. You should enjoy it while you can, y’know!’ Uh-huh…

As the thief slowly finishes purging the ghost from his system, his usual consciousness returns. “Ah… What happened? Did I space out for a second?”

Sally is quick to grab control of your body. “Must be past your bedtime, old man…” you groan, still too fatigued to get off the ground.

“Huh? Old man!? The fuck are you saying, you dumb bitch!? I’m feeling stressed out all of a sudden. Maybe I oughta fuck your brains out a second time, make sure you learned your lesson. Might even take you for a third time, cuz that’s just how generous I am!”

You and Sally both think, ‘Oh no… This is gonna be…’

‘…awful!’

‘…awesome!’