ENF-027 - REMOTE

Item #: ENF-027
Object Class: Pink

Containment Procedures: ENF-027 is currently located in the central break room of Research Facility 1-A, where any staff member may use it for recreational purposes. It is advised that Dr. Blithe has dibs on it for Thursday movie night.

Description: ENF-027 is an all-purpose remote control with a number of nonstandard, unmarked buttons. When pressed in combination, these buttons are capable of modifying the content of any film, television show, video game or other piece of animated media, regardless of its format, in an internally consistent and aesthetically satisfying way. Possible alterations are almost limitless in number, but tend to incorporate a particular recurring theme.

Addendum 027-01: I think I've figured what most of the buttons do by now. See below for test log. Message me if you have any suggestions.

Media: Avengers (2012)
Result: A subplot is introduced where Loki curses Black Widow (as portrayed by Scarlett Johansson) with a spell that gradually transmutes her uniform to honey, compelling her to fight his alien army in the nude.

Media: Pirates of the Caribbean
Result: Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) is stripped completely naked by the evil Captain Barbossa and **** to swab the deck before walking the plank. The island on which she is stranded turns out to be home to a native tribe of villainous lesbians.

Media: Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Result: Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) has her bikini removed by Boba Fett, and is made to dance naked before Jabba the Hutt before getting dropped through a trapdoor into a pit full of Tatooine tentacle monsters.

Media: The X-Files (1993)
Result: By using the remote on a DVD selection screen, researchers were able to generate an entirely new episode in which Scully (Gillian Anderson) goes up against a telekinetic pervert running amok in the New York fashion world.

Media: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997)
Result: When Willow is kidnapped by an invisible "spanking goblin", Buffy and Cordelia must perform a tantric ritual to send the creature back to Hell before it reddens every bottom in Sunnydale.

Media: Seinfeld (1989)
Result: An Elaine solo episode where she suffers a series of increasingly implausible wardrobe malfunctions, culminating in an accidental cameo during a hit Broadway musical with nothing on but a feather boa and heels.

Media: Super Mario 64 (1996)
Result: Mario replaced by a high-poly version of Princess Peach, with realistic skirt physics and clothing damage, who is followed everywhere by a Lakitu with a camera who uploads footage of all her adventures to the internet.