Fudged a Roll

Aelene

Aelene is frustrated, glowering at the kill stealing mermaid. All that work and I got nothing to show for it. The precious XP all went to the ranged casters. While I’m glad that the human Mattie got a kill, the mermaid didn’t need all the rest of it. I feel bad for my betrothed’s wife. Ugh, that is going to be awkward to explain to our mother.

The others are staring at a collection of television props: a blindfold, a ball gag, a set of hand cuffs, a set of nipple clamps, and a pair of ponygirl boots. The kill stealer is explaining the upcoming “boss fight.” Aelene is too busy stewing to really pay much attention.

“I can’t wear the ponyboots or the clamps because of my armor, but I’m good for wearing the others. Be nice to be able to contribute,” Mattie states. The absurdity of thinking that wearing television props would be helpful caught the high elf’s attention.

“What are you talking about, Ms. Mattie? You were helping.”

“I barely did anything. My little cold laser spell is just so weak.”

The kill stealer tries to comfort the captain, “They get stronger when you gain some more levels. You were better than Tina’s first few times her through the dungeon.”

“Blondie sucked?”

“I still have to remind her on some basic things. So, don’t worry about your lack of power right now. You’ll get much stronger soon.”

Skye, still a little sad about how one of the shiny black globs destroyed her rope bra, grabs the nipple clamps. She winces as she puts them on. “Do you need help with the boots, Ms. Daphne?”

“Oh, sure.” The kill stealer wiggles her toes as Skye helps the mermaid slip on the boots. “Oh, these are going to make my weird human legs feel even weirder. Someone help me practice with them?”

Skye helps pulls Daphne up to feet as the kill stealer wobbles. Mattie gives her some instructions on how to walk. Skye takes a seat by Aelene.

“Ms. Aelene, right? Are you okay? You seem grumpy.”

“<That kill stealer took all the XP.>”

Said kill stealer pipes up in an accented Elvish, “<Check your phone. We all speak Elvish here, Aelene.>”

Aelene growls as she’s done what she’s been told, looking to rub her lack of XP in Daphne’s face. The results are surprising.

Aelene: +16 XP (Killed 5 Level 4 monsters, x0.8 penalty [over-leveled])

Daphne: +8 XP (Killed 5 Level 4 monsters, x0.4 penalty [over-leveled])

Mattie: +20 XP (Killed 5 Level 4 monsters)

Skye: +11 XP (Killed 5 Level 4 monsters, x0.57 penalty [over-leveled])

I gained almost 2 Levels in one fight? How... Aelene’s brain breaks again. The changes the game made to the realities of experience and Levels continue to astonish her. She feels a hand rub the small of her back. Her betrothed’s wife is smiling at her.

“Thank you, Champion, for your care about me. I am obviously misjudging the situation. Sorry for taking my misunderstandings out on you, good mermaid Daphne. Now, can you explain the purpose of these television props you are wearing again?”

Josie

Tina bounds out of Prudence’s office, incredibly excited for her nerd date sponsorship. Glad I don’t really meet the date’s theme. Josie stays behind for a few moments.

“So, Prudence, I know that the transformation didn’t win, but I was wondering if you’d be interested in us maybe doing the agent/talent thing on a more voluntary basis? Assuming you actually were doing the work?”

“Of course I did some preliminary work, Ms. Wulf. I take my job seriously. But, the question is why?”

“Well, I need a job once the show is over and I really think that the cumulative effects of my transformations are going to make getting a normal gig impossible. Gym gear influencer sounds like a pretty good job, assuming I can be successful at it.”

“Unless you buy the transformation, this will be a lower priority, but Ms. Campbell and the show don’t take up all 24 hours of a given day. We can try it out? But you’ll need to do your part, too. Have you...”

Josie points the selfie camera on her phone at her and does the social media breast drop fad. She winks at the camera then hits post. Prudence sees the pending Insta-Thot post waiting for editing. Josie leans back in the chair, sports bra still pulled up to her collarbones, and smirks.

“Alright, Ms. Wulf, I’ll represent you for now. Keep up the good work.”

Josie rolls her hips as she struts out of the office. Great. Time to see if we get to delve today.

Scarlet

“Please, Mistress, breed this stupid slut!”

Dinah has a manic look in her eyes as she weakly attempts to grab at Harper. Harper’s face is a tempest of emotion: disgust, shame, guilt, anger. She can’t look into Scarlet’s eyes.

“Harper, what just happened?”

“In DoD terms, I felt Dinah was about to critically fail a Wisdom saving throw. The results of that failure felt dire. Not even an hour with this new transformation and I already gave into it. I’m disgusted with myself. How can I make it up to her? Can I even, at this point?”

“Mistess, you can make it up to your brain-dead breeding slut by placing your children in her womb! Please! Breed me!”

“Ms. E? We need to talk, now!” Harper is shouting at the ceiling of the Cat Cafe. Ariel appears with a splash from a staff tube instead.

“What is the matter, Mistress?”

“Fix. Dinah. Now.”

“Do you need to read the transformation again, Mistress? It’s a 24 hour temporary transformation effect. She’ll recover on her own by this time tomorrow.”

“I said. Fix. Dinah. Now!”

A dark rumbling energy radiates off of the mermaid host. Like deep sea currents crashing around and through her. Dinah starts to cower among the kittens in the playhouse area, clutching onto Vix. Ariel starts speaking in whalesong, but Scarlet can somehow still understand it. “<Perhaps you are biting off more than you can chew, elf. Do not push me. I am not a stupid Beckie that will let you just do as you please. Frankly, I think her current state IS fixing her. Ask again, and I will make the effect permanent. Do you understand me, elf?>”

Harper is doing those breathing exercises. She hasn’t done that in a while. The smoke detectors go off. Then the sprinkler system activates. Scarlet looks around and sees that she caught her chair and the table on fire. I should do those breathing exercises too. In. Hold It. Out. Repeat.

Harper snarls through gritted teeth, “Fine. I won’t ask again. You get to babysit. I have obligations to the rest of the harem. Scarlet, you calmed down enough to get out of the sprinklers?” With a snap of her fingers, Vix is on her shoulder. Harper walks over to the counter and grabs a slice of cake for the familiar, then walks out without saying another word. Scarlet runs to catch up.

Harper

Once Harper is out of the host’s sight, she sets down the slice of cake for Vix, curls herself up in a ball, and starts to cry. An almost uncomfortably warm arm wraps around her.

“Hey, I’m proud of you, love. You seem to be getting along with Vix now. You let Dinah know how you feel. You protected her from herself. You even stood up for her. We can work on how you did it later. How did I understand Ariel in there, by the way?”

Given something other than self-loathing to focus on, Harper pulls out her phone to check on Scarlet’s character sheet. Ah. There it is.

Harper answers in Aquan, “<You’ve got a proficiency in Ignan now. It’s the fiery dialect of Primordial. Aquan is the watery dialect of the same language family. Kind of like Spanish and Italian. They are close enough to where, if you know one, you can comprehend the other.>”

Scarlet starts speaking in fire crackles? Feels weird, but intelligible, “<So, you can understand this?>”

“<Yup. Don’t ask me to repeat it, though. Sounds weird to me.>”

The two start giggling, then Harper is yanked up to her feet. Josie gives her a brief hug. Harper sees Scarlet get the same treatment from Tina.

“Hey, old lady. A certain bunny insists that we go delving. Blah, blah, blah, I want more magic, blah, blah blah. So, we’re going. C’mon.”

“You want to go, too, Josie. You can tell me.”

The thruple and Harper head to Dungeons for Damsels. Harper hops over the counter, “Any sales for Daphne while we’re here?”

“Nothing for me. Still, it’s a good a time as any to pay you back, old lady. Here.”

Josie transfers 70 BP to Harper. Good. The transformations I want this round are going to be expensive.

Josie: -70 BP

Harper: +70 BP

“Love, I actually do want that massage transformation. It’s too good to ignore. Might as well give myself as much time as I can to spread the stat boost around. That’ll be it for me for now.”

Harper adds it to the kiosk cart. “Tina, anything for you?”

“Not at the moment. Maybe after the delve?”

“Ok, give me a few minutes to theorycraft. Daphne gets a better commission if the total sale is greater than 100 BP and we are a little short. I am getting both of those transformations as soon as possible, but I can only afford one right now. I need to figure out which is better.”

Harper starts to figure out which she wants. Ultimately, invocations are generally supposed to compensate for a warlock’s lack of SP by granting one-off free casts of spells. If the spells were added to her book, it would be different, but she would be leaning towards some of the more random effects that may not help get her stronger much. Maneuvers add more effects to her basic attacks and help stack on the damage. Time to master the blade. Adding it to the cart, she hits checkout.

Scarlet: -80 BP

Harper: -100 BP

Daphne: +45 BP (Commission)

For the benefit of the audience, the transformations are displayed as the transformations take effect:

Nimble Hands, Nimble Fingers – Scarlet’s monk abilities are able to deliver sexual pleasure or sexual pain with a touch. Let’s lean into that. Scarlet gains +1 Dexterity, a proficiency in Sleight of Hand, and an expertise in Sexual Massage. In addition, once per day, she can double the effectiveness of her Pulse of Pleasure healing ability to a member of the harem for 8 hours by administrating a sexual massage to her. If both Scarlet and the member of the harem orgasm during this session, the member also permanently gains 1 Endurance; the permanent effect cannot be applied more than once per harem member (Monk).

Mistress of the Blade – All elven warrior cultures combine martial tactical prowess with mystical study for those trained to be protectors. Harper could use some more martial skill to keep her sluts in check. Harper gains both the Fighter Initiate and a (modified) Martial Adept feats. For the Martial Adept feat, Harper starts with 2 Battle Master Maneuvers, plus 1 for every Bladesinger feature granting level she has earned. Her superiority damage starts at 1, plus 1 for every Bladesinger feature granting level she has earned. She may perform maneuvers a number of times per day equal to her Intelligence modifier, plus 1 for every Bladesinger feature granting level she has earned. As she gains Bladesinger feature granting levels, all effects increase accordingly (Elf).

Harper makes her maneuver decisions (obviously taking the duelist fighting style) and then the group is off to the white level selection room. Josie once again heads to the highest level room she can (Level 7) and the others are **** to follow.

The level opens to a dreary, drizzly village, the sun refusing to peek out from the gray clouds above. The village seems quiet. Perhaps too quiet. A lone, rotund man waddles as fast as his stubby little legs can carry him towards the group.

“Adventurers! Wait!” the man huffs, “Our village is experiencing a terrible masturbation plague! Please! Surely adventurers as sexy as you can figure out how to cure it?”

Tina and Josie both cackle. Scarlet looks less amused, “Masturbation plague? Really, Daph?”

The group follow the waddling man regardless. Harper asks, “What can you tell us about this plague?”

“It started a few days ago. The victims start to masturbate constantly. There are weird things crawling underneath their skin. Please, you have to help. My sexy, legal-age daughter is one of the victims. Please, examine and cure her!”

As Harper mulls things over, Tina is much more blunt, “This level seems different than the others. Like, having an actual plot is cool and all, but still...”

As the group moves, Harper pulls out her DM tablet. Doing a quick scan, she goes, “Huh. Looks like the dungeon took my work on Skye’s one-shot and adapted Daphne’s work to better fit my DM style. So, now we get something approximating plot instead of just a dungeon to walk through.”

“Wanna help us cheat then, old lady?”

“Nope. I didn’t even spoil the surprise for myself. Just be ready for one.”

The building they enter is the largest in the village. Whitewashed walls with timber accents. The interior is lit with oil lamps. The wooden floors creak. The man huffs up the stairs and directs them to a side room. Inside, is what appears to be an incredibly pregnant and incredibly obese woman, with something wriggling inside of her. She is masturbating so hard that she is bleeding, yet she doesn’t stop. It’s almost as if the sensations are beyond her. The room smells foul, like waste and sweat.

“If this is sexy, NPC guy has some gross tastes.”

With a lusty moan, the woman shudders to the edge of orgasm, then pops like an overripe balloon. Crawling out of the viscera is a blue frog lady thing? Harper doesn’t know if it’s just the allergy transformation messing with her, but the frog lady thing is hot, in a Cronenbergian way. It croaks, “So many pretties! Goodie! Roll initiative!” With a manic laugh it hops to it’s feet, claws at the ready.

Skye

Ms. Daphne laid out the plan, saying she’s learned her lesson from last fight. So, Ms. Aelene leads a blindfolded, hand cuffed, and gagged Ms. Mattie into the room as the mermaid unleashes a giant purple sphere. The giant goo girl has a purple swirly effect around the part of the goo shaped like a head, but the more formless blobs are unaffected mentally.

Skye casts Hunter’s Mark again and rushes to work. It’s hard to nail a key point in the goop, but her initial 2 hits land true. The goo girl starts to slowly mumble something, but Ms. Daphne starts her whalesong; the spell from the goo girl fades into nothing.

From the corner of her eye, Skye watches Ms. Aelene dash to the formless blobs; she stops at one and another Ms. Aelene appears in front of the other. Her new shiny blade staff thing slices into the blob once, twice, thrice. The blob splits once and is sliced to nothingness from the other two swings. The reflection strikes so hard the blob just collapses in one blow.

The blob awkwardly swings a couple of pseudopods at Skye. The first forms a mitt around her hand and the other was aimed very poorly at her face. She just dodges. Daphne casts another spell and the blob slows down. Skye strikes again, dodging a very slow, poorly aimed pseudopod easily. Then the Misses Aelenes rush to the opposite side of the goo girl. Ms. Aelene’s first slice knocks the blobby head off of the goo girl; the blob slowly starts to attack again, only to be cut down by the second blow. All of the bondage gear disappears. Ouch. Nipples hurt.

Skye: +9 XP (Killed 2 Level 4 monsters, x0.57 penalty [over-leveled] and 1 Level 6 monster, x0.86 penalty [over-leveled])

Aelene: +12 XP (Killed 2 Level 4 monsters, x0.8 penalty [over-leveled] and 1 Level 6 monster)

Daphne: +6 XP (Killed 2 Level 4 monsters, x0.4 penalty [over-leveled] and 1 Level 6 monster, x0.6 penalty [over-leveled])

Mattie: +14 XP (Killed 2 Level 4 monsters and 1 Level 6 monster)

“What is this thing!?!?” Ms. Aelene shrieks as her shiny sword staff thing turns into something more phallic.

“Your weapon’s sex toy mode, I suppose, Nerves. Loot time?” Ms. Mattie opens the loot chest. “I see a rope, a rock, some wood, a scroll, and some bubble gum?”

“Alright, Mattie, time for the boring wizard work. I’m going to ritually cast Detect Magic and you’ll help me Identify the magic items. Ritually cast Identify on the scroll, since that is almost guaranteed to be magical. Let’s get to it.”

Skye, not having anything to do about the magic work, goes to check on Ms. Aelene. “You were quite impressive, Ms. Aelene.”

“It was nothing, Champion. The blade did most of the work. While we wait, how should I address you? Do you prefer to go by your title? I understand that you are my betrothed’s wife.”

Skye blushes a little. “Mrs. Skye is fine.”

“I hope our relationship will not be too complicated, Lady Skye. That transformation that changed my history means I have known a version of our Lady Harper for quite a while. It’s a little strange to have memories in your head that you know have just been produced from nothing. I hope Mother will accept all of this.”

“Family can be tough. One of my moms and my sister rejected the Lady of the Dance’s gift. It still hurts when I think about it. We can always pray about it? Would you like to join our Evensong?”

“Not who I normally pray to, but, given that She sent me here, I should give Her the proper respect.”

“If not The Lady, then who?”

“Corellon.”

Skye makes a face at that. Eww. Worshiping a male.

Ms. Aelene doesn’t quite interpret the look correctly. “He does love his wild dancing daughter, you know, even if he is a little distant towards her.”

“Hey, Teeth,” Ms. Mattie asks loud enough to interrupt, “What’s a Scroll of Legend Lore do exactly? I mean, I get it casts a spell called Legend Lore, but...”

“It is a 10 hour chore to add to my list of things to-do. Great. The gum and the rope are also magic. Pick one and I’ll do the other. Ladies, put your heads together and figure out what the rock and the wood are.”

Ms. Aelene knows what the wood is immediately, but is quiet while the casters do the Identify thing. As the resident smith, Skye examines the rock. I mean, the last time we got raw resources, it was a rare metal. She is unfamiliar with it, but it looks like a raw ore.

When the casters are done, Ms. Daphne hands Skye the rope and Ms. Mattie, smirking hard, hands the gum to Ms. Aelene.

“Skye, that’s a Rope of Entanglement. A pretty classic DoD magic item. Should help if you want to tie yourself up.”

Ooooooh. Neat. Skye starts to redo the rope bra she was wearing, cinching the extra length into a make-shift corset. “How do I look?” Ms. Daphne and Ms. Mattie whistle. Ms. Aelene blushes a little.

“And, you, Nerves, get some gum that temporarily makes your boobs bigger. Blow a bubble with the gum, and your boobs grow bigger. It wears off when the bubble pops.”

Ms. Aelene blushes deeper, but holds onto the gum tightly. Ms. Daphne giggles slightly, “Shhh. Don’t tell Dakota we took that from her set.”

“I presume this is for you, Captain. It’s mithrilwood. Not literally as strong as mithril, but about as close as wood can get. Lady Skye, what’s the rock?”

“Some sort of raw ore? I don’t quite recognize it.”

“Sarge promised me a gun when I hit Level 3. I’m guessing I have to make it? We have a workshop or something?”

“I have a forge. Perhaps that will do?”

“We’ll check it out later, Mrs. Skye. Thanks.”