Intermission - Fernanda and Diana.

It was a very conflicting feeling. Fernanda, for all her flaws and failings, still wasn’t totally blind. She could tell what this woman, Diana, was trying to do with that comment about her bartending training. Putting herself down for Fernanda’s sake, trying to show her that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is good at things from the get go. It was conflicting because she appreciated the thought, and IT DID make her feel better, but she also hated that her own insecurities were so obvious that people felt they needed to treat her with kid’s gloves. But then again, if they didn’t treat her with kid’s gloves, Fernanda would sink even deeper down.

A fucking mess.

Still, this was better than what Fernanda feared. She thought Diana was going to ask her about her parents, ask why they were looking at her weirdly. Actually, she had stared at her weirdly, too. Should she… apologize? It would be the right thing, but it would also draw attention to the fact she HAD stared weirdly. Hell, even now it was difficult to look at her directly.

Fernanda was pretty sure she wasn’t into women, but this was probably the first time she was seriously blown away by how beautiful a woman was. It made everything even more awkward for her.

Something interrupted their conversation, though with that sudden pause there was nothing to interrupt, and in fact it helped fill the silence. A man in black pants and a white shirt got behind the counter, unlocked some drawers and began to set up the bar, bringing out cups, glasses and liquors.

He turned to her and Diana with a smile. “Were you waiting for the bar to open? I’ll be done in a minute. What would you like to order?”

“Oh, so it does open at a certain hour,” Diana said before turning to Fernanda. “I want to try their hand. Would you like to drink something? It’s on me.”

Fernanda felt a chill in her chest and her stomach turning. “I don’t really drink…” she said. “I’m… a little afraid to.”

She didn’t feel mentally strong enough to handle drinking. If she ended up enjoying the sensation of being drunk, she feared it would lead to addiction. An overreaction, maybe, but…

“I see. That’s understandable. How about a soda, then?”

Fernanda nodded. “Y-Yes, that’d be fine. Thank you.”

“A soda and an old fashioned, please,” Diana ordered.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Diana snickered. “Ma’am? He’s about my age, if not older. Do I look that old?”

“Um… H-How old are you, actually?” Fernanda asked.

“How old do you think?”

“Uh… Th-Thirty?”

“Ouch.” Diana laughed. “I’m only 26, you know?”

Fernanda’s face burned with shame. “I’m so sorry! It’s just… you look very mature.”

Diana placed her finger between her eyebrows and pushed down. “It’s because of this. I always end up frowning and glaring a lot. They tell me I scare people off. Thankfully it didn’t work on Oliver.” Diana chuckled, a fond smile on her face. “How old are you, Fernanda?”

“I turned twenty not long ago.”

“Are you in university?”

“Yes, but… I froze my semester.”

“I see. You needed some time?”

Fernanda nodded. “My parents supported me on this, so… I… I’d like to make the best of this time. It’s why I was looking for a job. There’s so much I need to do.”

“...” Diana furrowed her brow, and for a moment Fernanda thought she had suddenly gotten angry. “How you do things is up to you, but… Try not to do everything at the same time. Focus on one or two things before moving on. Take on too much and you’ll just fry your brain.” Diana closed her eyes, sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t meddle.”

“N-No, it’s fine. Th-Thank you, I’ll… keep that in mind.”

That had felt different. She wasn’t trying to cheer her up, nor did it sound like advice. In fact, it sounded more like… a warning. Speaking from experience, she supposed. Fernanda took it to heart. It really was something she had to keep in mind.

…

Why, though? Why was this woman talking to her? She had only asked two questions about Maria, yet they were still here. Fernanda felt uncomfortable, yet she didn’t want to leave yet. This felt like a good opportunity. Talking to someone she didn’t know, someone older who seemed to be trying to understand her. Escaping this would be escaping from a chance to grow, even if inches.

“Um… You said you are a bartender?” Fernanda asked.

Diana nodded. “I’m working at a hotel, and we’ll finally be opening the bar in a few days. It’ll be when I return from this little vacation.”

“How do you deal with customers? How do you deal with… the fear of screwing up?”

She had to ask. Screw embarrassing herself with that question. It was better to ask this to a woman she may never see again than continue living with the stress of work.

“Good question,” Diana said, nodding to herself. “It’s not like I’m fully over that fear even now, but... Mmm. You know, I used to live on a ranch. We had all sorts of animals, from chicken to horses. Sometimes they got sick or injured and we had to call a vet. I remember thinking that jobs like those of vets and doctors had to be awfully stressful. If they screw up, someone could die. When I started working, I compared my tasks to those and realized that nobody would die if I dropped a glass or didn’t mix a cocktail well. Sure, being a bartender has its own challenges, and even its own dangers, but it helps to remember that it’s not a life or **** situation.”

…

Oh. Oh shit, she’s right. Doctors probably have it way worse. Haha. It’s almost funny to think Fernanda is worrying about getting a coffee order wrong when there are surgeons working out there that literally have people’s lives on their hands.

“And also…” Diana smiled wryly. “This is a meaner way to think about it, but I’ve witnessed plenty of incompetency in the jobs I’ve worked. People who forget things, people who do things half-way, people who intentionally try to sabotage others… It’s real incompetency, and I’ve seen them be just fine, not care and even keep their jobs. Unfair, isn’t it?”

“Yeah!” Fernanda nodded fervently.

“So I tell myself that if I do a better job than those people, then at least I can be satisfied with myself. Comparisons aren’t always good, but sometimes you have to do something to keep your spirits up.”

Crap, that made sense, too. Though didn’t have any incompetent coworkers to compare herself to, but… she did feel her drawings were better than most. Still not better than professionals, but… yeah, she was better at it than a lot of people, so maybe she could take some pride in that? Shit, it did feel mean, but it also helped.

The waiter came over with a tray and placed their drinks on the table. After he did, it was Diana’s turn to ask Fernanda a question.

“And what do you do for fun? Games? Parties?”

Fernanda swallowed. “Drawing.”

Without realizing it, the two spend half an hour more talking. Fernanda told Diana about her art, Diana told Fernanda about her goal of having her own bar one day, and so on. It wasn’t until Fernanda began to feel tired that she decided it was time to leave. She had walked for five hours, after all.

“Rest well, Fernanda,” Diana told her. “I hope we can talk again soon.”

“...” Fernanda smiled. A genuine, heartfelt smile. “So do I. Thank you for everything. See you… tomorrow?”

“Of course. See you tomorrow.”

Fernanda could’ve skipped all the way to her room if she hadn’t been too embarrassed to be seen doing it.

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