You Aren't Alone

Journal of Rowana, daughter of Rowetha
22 / 04 / 2120 of the Fourth Age, cont'd

Bebe was crying when we tossed the last body into the burn pit. It was dark, it had taken hours to strip the corpses and carry them away from the house. I could see the tears ran down his face, and he shook. Swayed slightly back and forth as I lit a sheaf of dried grass and held it to the grass we'd piled on top.

It wasn't enough. I knew that. The bodies on top might get crispy, but there were too many bodies, not enough fuel. There had been too much ****.

The skinny Orc hugged himself and shivered, but it wasn't because of the cold. I had seen this before. New soldiers, after their first skirmish. Seeing dead bodies, maybe not for the first time, but the first taste of real combat. Brain not able to process the brush with ****, the way these people had been alive and walking and then were just gone.

"Hey," I said, and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "Come on. Talk to me."

He let me guide him away.

"Dat wuz...dat wuz Khemil," Bebe said, his accent thicker than normal. He stared straight ahead, not really seeing things as I steered him back to the house. "He'd use me, sometimes. Wuzn't mean about it. Jest...jest couldn't get wid any of da girlz. Ask me ta bend over and ah did. Quick about it. Not tryin' to hurt me. Not like da big ones. An'...an'...in da kitchen, he...I could see he knew it wuz me...he wuzn't even angry, he jest...he wuz so rough, dis time..."

Bebe looked up at me.

"He's dead. Dey'z all dead. Dey wuz...dey wuz gonna..."

"Yeah," I said, quietly. "Probably. It's one thing to hear about it. Rapine. It's different when you know the people doing it. When it isn't just history or propaganda, but you can put a name and a face to it. A lot more personal when you realize there are people you know that...I don't know if it's just the idea that it's allowed, or expected. There were a couple folks in my own unit that..."

My arm tightened around his shoulder as I remembered the ones I talked about. Greenward and Eomidson. Always visited the local women when we were in a town or village. Whether or not they had any money. Tried to put the moves on any women in the unit, if they thought they could get away with it. The rest of us had to warn the new ones. We didn't think about the men until one time, after a patrol that went nasty and the new guy had gotten his first kill. Those two had gotten him drunk and...well, he'd been sent back to the medic with an anal fissue.

I'd been in charge, then. Put Greenward and Eomidson on point after that. They lasted three missions before biting a couple of bullets. It had never occurred to me to ask whether an Orc had fired them, either.

Maybe that was when I made my decision.

Azzie had given up scrubbing at blood stains, just sprayed bleach on anything red and left the door and windows open to air things out. She raised an eyebrow when she saw my arm around Bebe, even though she was taking this all in stride like a trooper.

"Lock up," I said. "Bebe needs something to eat."

We didn't eat in the kitchen, where it had happened. I dug out my last MRE and let the heating element cook the macaroni and cheese, let him eat it out of the pouch as he sat on our bed. Azzie had found a can of beer, and was petting Búrzi. We hadn't really let him in the bedroom, he'd always been in the sleeping bag since we'd basically adopted him. I left him there for a moment, spooning bright yellow gooey noodles into his mouth as I went to the bathroom. A nod of my head, and Azzie got the hint. She followed me a second later.

"I've seen this before," I said softly to the short Uruk-Hai. "He's traumatized. He needs...comfort."

Azzie pulled her lower lip back in the way that made her little fangs poke up over her upper lip.

"You want to..." she stared, then caught herself. "No, no condoms. You want me to...?"

I sighed. "I was thinking both of us. If you're still up for a little anal action. You get prepped, I'll get him hard."

"Are you sure?" she whispered, her brow furrowed as she searched my eyes. "I was saving it for you."

"I know, Precious," I said, as I met her gaze. "And I love you for that. But I think he needs it more, tonight."

For all that I thought I knew Azzie, I wasn't prepared for her sudden smile, or the way she leaped onto me and planted a kiss right on my lips. I staggered under her sudden weight, hands clamped around her ass as she wrapped her thighs around my waist and hugged me close.

"You're the nicest person I've ever met," she whispered, and kissed me again. Then she climbed down and headed toward the bathroom. I watched her ass shake, still tasted her lips. I thought about the number of Orcs I killed today. People who had names. Friends and families somewhere, who would never see them again and never know what happened to them. Whose faces were burning away in a pit right now. There was a knot in my stomach as I stepped back into the bedroom.

Bebe was still seated on the edge of the bed. He'd finished the mac'n'cheese, and had tucked the packing away in a bag. More to trash to deal with. But before that...there were things that needed to be done.

I took off my shirt. The skinny Orc stared at my scars, evidence of my combat experience, my augmentations. Then my bra came off. He blinked, slowly. I sat down next to him and unlaced my boots, set them aside. My arm brushed him from time to time, but he didn't seem to know what to do. By the time I undid my belt and pulled off my trousers, his not-so-little green pecker had pushed past the waistband of his boxers.

"Wut," he said, barely able to process.

"Bebe. Buddy," I said as I carefully pulled his shirt up over his head. "You've had a traumatic day. If you want, we can stop. Get some sleep. But right now, I think you need to know that you're alive. That you're okay. That you aren't alone. We care about you."

I had to undress him myself. His dick was harder than I'd ever seen it. Now that I had a close-up look, I could see that the shaft was darker and greener than the rest of his body, and the swollen head was trimmed with a deep purple around the rubbery glans. My hands rubbed his skinny little thighs as I let my mouth work, salivary glands going overtime as I breathed in the man-scent of him. My drool dripped down on his cock, and Bebe barely dared to breathe. I wondered how many times he had jerked off, thinking about something like this exact scenario.

When his head turned, ears spread wide, I knew Azzie had been done cleaning herself out with the hose in the bathroom. She wasn't wearing any clothes, just the ring that hung between those great green globes. The bed creaked a little as she crawled up onto it, and she said something to him in Black Speech. I lowered my mouth, just enough to let my tongue play around his head. The thing looked like it would blow at any moment.

"Precious," I said. "I think he's ready. Let me lube you up."

If anyone had ever told me I would have my nose in the crack of my girlfriend's green ass as my tongue swirled around her freshly-cleaned asshole so that our housemate could overcome a lifetime of trauma through vigorous anal sex, I would have had several questions about which Valar sent them that highly specific prophecy.

As it was, I could see Bebe carefully start to stroke his own dick. Eyes wide as if afraid to blink, to miss anything. All those nights out in the hall, listening to us make love, touching himself. His hairless green balls tightened as I pulled away, a strand of spittle connecting my mouth and Azzie's anus for a moment.

"Come on," I said, as I pulled her cheeks apart, to showcase the bright green line of her ass crack.

I had a good view as the naked Orc carefully positioned himself behind Azzie. His cock looked huge, but I could see that the shaking had stopped. His eyes were locked on the little emerald starfish as he pressed his spit-slick shaft against her gobhole.

"Slowly," I said. "Don't try to **** it. Just press forward. Wait for her to relax. It'll almost feel like she's...sucking you in."

Azzie's hands gripped the sheets hard as Bebe slowly fed his dick into her hungry asshole. He held his hands up to his chest, afraid to even touch her without permission.

"Precious?" I asked, as I took my hands away, to let her cheeks clap on that great green shaft. "How are you feeling?"

"Full," Azzie said. She wiggled her hip a little. "You want to guide him?"

I nodded. Bebe was stuck in place as I positioned myself behind him. So short I could put my chin on his head. He didn't fight me as I placed my hands on his wrists and guided his hands down to Azzie's hips. My hips pressed forward, panty-clad crotch against his bare buttocks. His dick slid forward, well-lubed cock into well-lubed tunnel. Azzie must have squeezed him, because Bebe gasped. I wondered how many times he had been on the end of giving instead of receiving.

His skin was smooth, and for the first time I thought about that. No combat scars, ritual scars, no tattoos, no augmentations. Those things designated status in Orc societies. His smoothness was a mark of how low he had been among the White Hands. Something to be used, to be bought and sold. It made me a little angry, and sad, and gave me an idea for later.

We moved together. The three of us. It was weird. Awkard. Yet also sort of freeing. There wasn't much of each other we hadn't seen at that point. Now the clothes were off and we were exploring each other. Bebe even started to come out from wherever his brain had gone. As he started to find his rhythm, that fat green prick slipping in and out between Azzie's cheeks even easier after I spit on it a few times, he trembled and asked me...

"Rowana. Could you...could you finger my ass? I can't...I can't really cum without..."

His cheeks burned dark. Voice barely above a whisper. Yet given what he'd been through, I knew how much trust went into what he'd just asked me.

So I sucked my thumb. Took a gentle grip on those swollen, warm eggs between his legs. Let my wet thumb play over his taint, and just touch his own little hole. He tensed—for a moment, his whole body was so stiff I thought we'd gone too far—I could feel his pulse pound faster against his pert little pucker. Then his asshole relaxed. My thumb slipped inside. The hot, tight little tunnel had been used so many times, it slipped in easily. I found what I was looking for after a moment. The hard little bumb. My other fingers still clutched his balls.

"Tell me when you're ready," I whispered, as his hips started to move again.

Azzie had her own hand down between her legs. Flicked her clit as she threw her ass back to meet his dick, to take it in deep. I could only imagine how her ass must burn. Our breathing was out of synch, Bebe and Azzie moaned, and my cheeks burned. On sudden strange impulse, I planted a kiss against his skinny neck, let my teeth touch his skin. Just a light bite, the kind Azzie liked.

"Now!" he whispered hoarsely.

So I pressed hard as his asshole clenched tight around my thumb. His whole body seemed to throb and shake. A strangled cry burst from his throat. Azzie gave a quiet little gasp. I wondered, for a moment, what it felt like. I'd never had anyone cum in my ass before. Never felt a hot little Orc twink empty his big green balls inside me as if a part of him went to the halls of his ancestors. If that was what happened with Orcs when they died.

We ended up collapsing sideways onto the bed, still together, Bebe sandwiched between us. I pulled my thumb out of his ass and wiped it on his stomach. I think his dick was still plugged inside of Azzie, holding all of his spunk inside of her as I said. "House. Darkness."

The lights went away. Búrzi leaped on the bed, and settled on my head, the way cats do.

Would it be enough? A hard fuck wasn't going to deal with long-term trauma. At best, it was a bandaid. Something to stem the tears, an outlet for the tide of emotions we all felt. There had been times, after a patrol, when we...well, there were things Rangers didn't talk about, when we got back to base. Secrets we held with each other. That was how we kept sane, most of us.

As Azzie began to softly snore, and Bebe snuggled between the two of us as I brought up the sheet, I thought to myself that this was the first time we would all sleep together as a family.