Old Feelings

Scott ran the same route he had the first morning he was back in Franklin. It felt better this time, he felt like he belonged here, like this could be home. That was a different feeling. He spent so many years wanting to run away from this town, from his life, from everything, and then when things got really bad, he did. The Army wasn’t bad, but his marriage, the places he lived, Scott never felt at home in any of them. Now, he felt like he could belong here. He hoped he could have a healthy relationship with his family, spend time with his friends, have things go well with Suzie.

But he also felt like it was all balanced on a knife’s blade. His job, Jenn, Suzie and the Carters, Lydia and his family, things could all go wrong, and then where would he be?

Scott was spiraling in self-doubt when he reached Meadow Park. He turned and ran to the back, the same old path, the same old trailers. When he reached Martha’s trailer he was surprised to find her light was on, and it looked like she was in the kitchen. Scott walked up to the trailer and knocked. He heard a surprised yelp and the sound of something hitting the floor.

“Martha? It’s Scott.” He called out.

The sound of a door lock being undone, then another, and yet another before the door opened.

“Scott, come in, what are you doing up at this hour?”

Scott came in, hugged Martha, holding her as he talked. “Military time, can’t help it. I was going for a run when I saw your light on.”

Martha wasn’t letting go of him either, she had always been more physically affectionate than Scott was comfortable with as a teenager. “Well, I’m glad to see you, you are welcome any time of day.”

“So why are you up at this hour?” Scott asked, “Didn’t you work last night?”

“Yeah, I closed, I just couldn’t sleep, there’s this guy who keeps hanging around the bar, he was sitting in his car when I left tonight, just sat there, I don’t think he even looked my way, but it just got to me and I can’t sleep.”

“So you’re washing the dishes?”

“Yep.”

Scott went over and grabbed the washrag.

“Scott, you don’t have to do that.”

“I know.” He said, continuing to wash, “This guy, has he given you any trouble?”

“Oh no, honestly Scott, he was probably just sleeping off the booze, it just spooked me.”

“Okay.” Scott looked at her, with all she’d been through, he wasn’t surprised Martha would get spooked easily, but that didn’t stop him feeling protective of her.

He was stacking up the soapy dishes while Martha stood and watched him.

“It’s really nice having you back Scott.”

“It’s good to be back.”

“Is it Scott?”

He knew where that was coming from, he left under ugly conditions, and he let her know on his way out that he never intended to return.

He met her eyes. “I know things weren’t great when I left, but it wasn’t you Martha. There were. . . other things that I had to get away from.”

“Stuff you still can’t tell me?”

Tell her about that night? What Angel did with Lydia and him, the way it ended. . . God, he could see his life flushing straight to hell that weekend, he had to get out. He couldn’t tell Martha. Hell, Angel didn’t really know how bad that all went, that he left because of it. He couldn’t imagine how Martha would react, but he didn’t want that. He just wanted to move past that, let things be good.

“I can’t Martha.” He said, he couldn’t really go into it more without making it worse.

“Okay, I’m sorry Scott, I won’t push, I just. . . I just want you to be happy, and if you can be happy here, where I can see you occasionally, I’d love that.”

“That’s what I want too, Martha.”

She walked over to him, put her hand on his chest, just like she had ever since he grew taller than her. “How are things, Scott? The last I saw you was at Angel’s.”

Scott knew what she was asking. The last time they saw each other was when Lydia was taking him upstairs to the bedroom.

“Good, I’m dating someone now.”

Martha’s face was a mixture of happy, surprise and something else. “Who is it? Jenn?”

“No, Suzie.”

“Suzie Carter?”

“Yeah.”

Martha laughed. “I should have known, the way you looked after her when she came over.”

Scott just smiled.

“The Carter’s are a good family, and she seemed like a very nice young lady.”

“She’s going to school to be a lawyer.”

“What?” Martha looked shocked. “She’s far too pretty to be a lawyer.”

Scott laughed. “She’s not just pretty, she’s smart too.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, I just can’t see such a nice, pretty girl becoming a lawyer.”

“That’s because Angel finds you lawyers, so they’re all lecherous old men.”

Martha laughed hard at that one.

“Oh Scott, I really did miss you, things. . .” Scott heard her sniffle, she turned away to hide her face.

“Martha.”

“No, it’s okay.” She turned back to face him, her face a bit red and he could tell she had wiped tears away. “It just wasn’t the same.”

Scott dried his hands off and grabbed Martha into a big hug. She laid her head into his shoulder.

“It wasn’t all bad Scott, it’s just so nice to have you back.”

He held her away from him, looked her in the eyes. “I’m not going away again Martha.” It was a mistake. He knew it as soon as he said it. Her eyes, he hadn’t seen that look in a while, and the feelings, the memories it brought back, they weren’t bad, they just couldn’t be, he couldn’t think or feel like that now. She saw his thoughts in his eyes and pulled away.

“These dishes aren’t going to finish themselves Scott.” She said, grabbing the wash cloth and taking over washing.

“Yeah, I should probably get going, I have work today.”

“How are things going at the shop, you and Jenn working together?” Change the subject, act like nothing happened, just like always. Scott, as always, went along with it.

“She’s in charge so not side-by-side, but I see her, and it’s good.”

“Does she know about Suzie?”

“Yeah, I told her.”

“And that went well?” Martha looked doubtful.

“Seriously, we were never a thing, everyone acts like we were, but we were just friends.”

Martha laughed. “You can tell yourself that Scott, and I understand why you do, but we all saw the two of you.”

Scott scowled. Was he really the only one that wasn’t aware of how Jenn felt?

“I’m sorry Scott, you two were just kids, you just spent all your time together.”

“Yeah, it’s okay Martha. I better get going.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger, and make sure you bring Suzie around again, I like her, I think she’ll be good for you.” They didn’t hug or even say a proper goodbye, Scott just left.