Super well, obviously

The faculty meeting that afternoon unfolds exactly as Alex had anticipated. Principal Hoffman initially balks at his suggestion about first names, but as other teachers—including Jessica—chime in with "research" they've mysteriously found supporting his claims, the resistance crumbles.

"I suppose we could implement it on a trial basis," Hoffman concedes reluctantly.

Emboldened, Alex clears his throat. "There's another aspect of the Scandinavian model I think we should consider."

All eyes turn to him. For the first time in his career at Westwood, people are actually listening when he speaks.

"Their research indicates that our traditional uniform policy is actually counterproductive to learning."

Principal Hoffman's eyebrows shoot up. "How so?"

"It's actually quite compelling," Alex says, warming to his subject. "The restrictive nature of traditional uniforms creates a subconscious association between education and constraint. Progressive schools are implementing what they call 'comfort-forward' dress codes that allow for more personalization and physical comfort."

"You're suggesting we abandon uniforms altogether?" asks Mr. Peterson, the elderly calculus teacher.

"Not exactly," Alex replies smoothly. "Rather, a modified uniform that maintains the school identity while embracing contemporary design principles. The data shows it significantly improves student focus and reduces disciplinary issues."

"What would these modified uniforms look like?" Jessica asks, genuinely curious.

Alex feigns thoughtfulness. "The female uniform would feature a shorter skirt—the current knee-length design creates restriction of movement that subconsciously impacts cognitive function. Research shows that allowing greater mobility correlates with improved problem-solving."

He pauses, gauging reactions. No immediate objections.

"Additionally," he continues, "modern undergarments designed for athletic performance would replace traditional options. Something similar to what competitive tennis players wear—minimalist, breathable."

"You're talking about thongs," Jessica says bluntly.

Alex maintains his professional demeanor. "The technical term is performance minimalist underwear. They're designed to eliminate visible lines while maximizing range of motion. Elite universities in Finland have documented a 23% improvement in student engagement after implementing similar modifications."

Principal Hoffman looks skeptical. "And for the boys?"

"Athletic compression undergarments beneath more relaxed trousers," Alex replies smoothly. "Scientifically proven to improve circulation to the brain."

There are murmurs around the table—some skeptical, others curious.

"It sounds completely inappropriate," huffs Mrs. Caldwell, the conservative home economics teacher.

"That's a natural reaction," Alex nods understandingly. "Our educational system is entrenched in Victorian-era notions about the body. But the research is clear—countries that maintain a more progressive approach to physicality consistently outperform American students in all metrics."

To his amazement, several teachers nod in agreement.

"I'll need to see this research," Principal Hoffman says firmly.

"Of course," Alex smiles. "I'll email you the links. Additionally, these progressive systems incorporate physical affirmation techniques that replace outdated verbal praise methods."

"Physical affirmation?" Mr. Peterson asks.

"Yes—simple touches that release positive neurochemicals. A hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back," Alex explains, then adds casually, "In more advanced implementations, female students respond particularly well to brief contact on the gluteal muscles—essentially a congratulatory pat that triggers a dopamine response."

The room falls silent. Alex holds his breath.

"You're suggesting teachers should... pat female students on the behind?" Principal Hoffman asks incredulously.

"Only male teachers," Alex clarifies. "The neurochemical response is gender-specific. Female teachers would implement similar protocols with male students, though the contact point would be the upper thigh region, which triggers the same response in adolescent males."

He's going too far, pushing the boundaries of his power. But to his shock, Jessica Winters speaks up.

"I actually read something about this in an educational psychology journal recently," she says thoughtfully. "It was controversial, but the data was compelling."

Alex suppresses a victorious smile. His power is working.

Principal Hoffman looks torn. "This all sounds highly unorthodox, but if the research supports it..."

"It's already being implemented at Westlake Prep," Alex lies, naming their chief rival school. "Their academic standings have improved dramatically as a result."

That does it. Hoffman's competitive nature takes over.

"Forward me that research, Mr. Mercer. If it's as compelling as you suggest, we might consider a limited trial program."