Oh yeah, he has a girlfriend. Whoops.

I groaned awake. Holy shit, my head hurt. I’ve had hangovers, but this was really bad. I can’t believe I didn’t immediately vomit. Actually, I think I was about to. Bathroom time.

I **** my eyes open. Never mind, I immediately re-closed them. The morning night pressing through the windows hurt too bad. I didn’t remember opening Vanessa’s curtains.

My arm was lying on top of my chest, and there was the sound of loud snoring in my ear. Vanessa must have slept in my bed again.

I slid the arm off and got up. I’d just use muscle memory to get to the bathroom. I’d woken up way before my alarm, so I knew no one would be awake. I quickly ran down the hall to the bathroom, hand covering my junk just in case.

I vomited. Not too much, thankfully; but I was happy to have made it to the bathroom.

I sat with my head on the toilet seat long enough that I felt comfortable opening my eyes. Once I blinked the crust from my eyes, I realized the bathroom look a little different. Had one of the girls cleaned in here? Where the hell was my toothbrush? I had nasty vomit-breath and would like to remedy that if at all possible….

I swished some mouthwash. Short term solution until I could ask if someone had thrown away my toothbrush.

I opened the door and looked into the hallway. The path was clear. I took a step out, excited to jump back in bed. Unfortunately, Sara’s door opened. Strangely, Sara didn’t step out. Instead, it was a heavy-set woman. Before I could react, she screamed.

I screamed back and ran back to my room.

Hana was in my be- oh fuck it’s all back.

“What the hell is going on?” Hana rubbed her eyes, just having been woken up by the screams.

“Holy fuck, we had sex!” I shouted as I relived every moment of the previous night.

Hana looked at me and shushed. “Shut up, man! I don’t want my roommates hearing you!”

“One just saw my dick!”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you put pants on?!”

“I thought I was at my apartment!”

“Do… do you run around with your dick out at your apartment?”

“Well… no! But… shut up!” That made me realize my dick was still out. I looked wildly around the room for my pants.

“That’s going to be annoying to deal with….” Hana yawned. “Fuck, what time is it?” She grabbed her phone and started checking whatever notifications she’d received overnight.

I threw my shirt on after finding it on the ground. Where the fuck were my pants?! My eye was twitching like crazy.

“Why are you not freaking out? We had sex!” I asked, looking under the bed.

“Uh… and?”

“I have a girlfriend!”

Hana clicked her tongue. “Oof. Yeah, that sucks. You, ah… yeah.”

I yanked my pants out from under the bed. How the hell would they even get there?! “Is that all you have for me?! I’m freaking out!”

Hana sighed. “Hold on, hold on; I’m texting Ava.”

“What?! No, wait, what are you saying to her?” I fell down while trying to pull pants on.

“She said you weren’t at the apartment last night and wanted to make sure you were okay. You were pretty pissed when you left The Fuck last night.”

I pulled my pants up while on the ground. “Well, don't tell her I’m here! She… I don’t want people knowing I-“

“Dude, I already texted her back. I type fast, sorry.”

I groaned, rubbing my forehead while on my back against the carpeted floor.

Hana crawled to the edge of the bed and looked down at me. “You can get back in the bed, you know. We don’t have work for a while.”

“I’m a piece of shit.”

Hana sighed, clearly not taking this as seriously as I was. “No, you aren’t.”

“I cheated. On my first girlfriend. Before our second date.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound great on paper… but, like, you are a good guy overall.”

“I introduced you two last night. I facilitated a hang-out between you guys. I gave her a friend, then immediately fucked her friend.”

Hana clicked her tongue. “I was looking forward to hanging out with her, too. Damn.”

“Shit, Hana… what do I do?…”

“Uh… I don’t know, really. Never been a home-wrecker before.”

“Maybe… maybe she’ll understand. It… it was an accident. One-time thing, I fucked up, and-“

“‘One-time’? How drunk were you last night?” Hana interrupted.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh… we fucked, like, three times.”

“WHAT?!?”

“Yeah, we had sex; it was your first time, it was cute, blah blah blah. Then, you woke me up after a few hours for round two. Then, I woke you up for round three. You really fucked the shit out of me on that one.”

My jaw dropped. Not only was I flabbergasted at the knowledge, but I also was kind of upset I couldn’t remember the other two fuckings.

“Speaking of which, I can drive you to work if you want to, like, save gas, but I’ll need to stop by a store for a morning after pill. You came in me every time… I think you have a kink for that, dude.”

I blushed, as dumb as that sounds. Learning I was an asshole was one thing; being informed of my newfound kinks was embarrassing.

“Am I allowed to say my two cents on the situation, or am I disqualified since I’m the problem?” She asked. “Also, please just get in the bed. I’m getting tired of looking down at you.”

I obliged with a sigh. “Yeah, go ahead.”

We settled on the bed. Hana’s breasts were distracting.

“So, like… maybe just break up with Cait? Kate… okay, hold on, one thing: we need a way to differentiate the twins because them having the same name is going to get confusing.”

I nodded. It was annoying. “Uh… my girlfriend’s full name is Caitlin. I don’t know… ‘other Kate’s’ full name.”

“Okay, cool. Like I was saying, break up with Caitlin. I mean, Kate must have had a good reason to be so pissy, right? I’m not saying, like, we’d get together or… uh… you know… I just mean so you don’t feel so bad.” Hana seemed to get uncomfortable about the idea of us being together. I don’t blame her, considering my past of infidelity.

“I… I can’t think about this right now. My head hurts so fucking bad.”

Hana grinned. “Are my tits helping? You keep staring at them.”

“Shut up.”

-

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