Where? Where?

I stood frozen a long moment while the unbearable remorse over my blatant irresponsibility stole over me and while I mentally backtracked to everywhere I had been tonight and where I could possibly have lost Curry’s token of Rava. I had certainly had it at the pub, since I’d taken the little silver rook out to show Roland. Almost certainly, I’d lost it at his place, probably when I pulled my shirt off. Except—I sort of thought I remembered feeling its weight on my chest while I finished in the privy. Or was I imagining that?

It was after eleven, which was probably too late to go back to his place tonight, but on the other hand, maybe it was less awkward to wake him up tonight to find my necklace, than to come back tomorrow and have to face each other in light of day, when I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see him again. Abruptly I decided I wouldn’t be able to sleep, if I didn't go back and make sure. It was more important to find it and have the whole thing over with. I began hurriedly redressing, checking my cloak pockets and all my clothes, to be sure the chain hadn’t caught on a snag somewhere, and even the insides of my boots. But it was nowhere to be found.

By eleven-thirty I was back at Roland’s and knocking guiltily at his kitchen door, hoping this wouldn’t be extremely awkward, or piss him off. But after a few minutes he came to the door, taking me in with a puzzled smile.

“I’m so sorry to bother you after I already left,” I rushed to explain, “but I got home and I realized I lost my rook charm, and it’s really important to me—can we check your front room really quick?”

“Of course, come in,” he said, motioning me inside.

Roland lit the lamp and helped me pull all the cushions off the sofa, checking each one carefully in case the chain had caught somewhere, and then checking the springs inside. When that yielded nothing, we combed over the floor, and he moved the sofa to make sure it hadn’t gotten kicked under there. It wasn’t in the water closet, or on the kitchen floor, and by this point I had all but given up on finding it here.

“Sorry I bothered you,” I said in a small voice, after he’d spent almost a half hour helping me search for it, and hating it that I was acting this way in front of somebody I knew so superficially. “I just… I guess I still can’t believe I actually lost it. I think I’m just lingering here stupidly hoping that since I already gave up looking maybe now I’ll notice something I didn’t before.”

Roland made a funny little motion that was almost definitely him stifling the impulse to give me a comforting pat of some kind, which was exactly the kind of reason I hated to let somebody see me like this. “Gods, I’m so sorry,” he said. “What if—I’ll get the lantern—what if we retraced our steps from the pub? I’m completely up for it. I’d feel so much better if you had some company for the search.”

I shook my head. “Honestly. . . I don’t think we have basically any chance at finding it. Thanks though.”

Roland looked so sorry for me that I almost started to cry right there. “If it turns up somewhere, somehow,” he promised, “I’ll make sure you get it back right away. I’m really sorry our evening had to end on such a down note.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, because I was holding back my tears until I could leave. “Um, I’ll see you around then. Sorry again.”

“Do you… want a hug or something?” he offered, looking like he’d only offered because he didn’t know what else to say in such a strange situation.

I shook my head again. “No. Thanks. I’m going to go. But thanks again for letting me keep you up.”

“Not at all. I was only reading.” He opened the door for me.