Now to deal with the good professor.

Madison stood anxiously when Andrew reemerged from the bedroom.

"He'll be ok," Andrew told her encouragingly. "He just needs a little time. It's a lot for the poor guy, but I reminded him how lucky he is to have you."

Madison threw her arms around Andrew. "Thank you," she said through her tears. "You're a good friend."

"I was just saying that," he said with a half-smile. He held up the scripts with a triumphant grin. "And I've got the scripts."

"Good," Erica said. "I've got an idea."

Kim and Joe were walking to their 9:30 Principles of Scripting II class and complaining about the professor."I swear, I'm about to just say fuck it and start wearing yoga pants to class," Kim griped. "I hate the idea of that creep Chambers staring, but ass gets As."

"At least you have the option," Joe said. "All I can do is try not to... what the fuck?"

They weren't the first to notice the odd spectacle happening in front of the Yetzirah building. In addition to his usual round glasses, combover, and unkempt mustache, Dr. Chambers was wearing hot pants and... nothing. Sweat glistened on his hairy chest as he sashayed up the steps. All around, students were staring in shock and holding their phones up to record the bizarre spectacle.

"Hello, boys," he said in a bizarre British accent as he approached two students walking out of the building. They stopped and stared as he pouted and thrust out his flabby chest. "I don't suppose you could do me small favor?"

They were both too stunned to reply. Chambers took their silence as encouragement. "Oh, what's the matter?" he asked as he drew a finger across the taller one's lips.

"What the fuck?" Joe repeated. Kim already had her phone out and was grinning ear to ear.

"I'd like you to deliver a message to dear old Zachary for me," he said with an impish grin. Zachary Keane was the head of the Occult Sciences department. "Sadly, I must tender my resignation from my post at your fine institution immediately."

The students were backing away slowly as a crowd formed. The stocky 50-something twirled, luxuriating in the attention. He stretched sensually, the thickets of his armpit hair expanding with his loose skin.

"I expect some consternation is in order, but..." He stared hungrily at the crotch of a nearby young man and his shorts began to tent obscenely.

"I'm afraid I must remain firm." With that, he sashayed back the way he came, strutting down the stairs like a model on a catwalk. Before he left the quad, he pivoted on one heel to make a parting remark.

"And please tell his wife she simply must do something about her pH balance." He smacked his lips theatrically. "Far too acidic. It's not healthy, you know."

Dr. Chambers slipped into the front seat of his Volvo and, blowing a kiss to the onlooking students, sped out of the faculty parking lot.

Once they were several miles away from campus, he spoke. "My adoring fans are out of site, darlings. How did I do?"

Andrew and Madison threw off the blanket they were hiding under and burst into laughter.

"That was amazing, Cecil!" Andrew cried.

"A tour de ****," Madison agreed, wiping her eyes.

The professor frowned and glanced down disapprovingly. "You know, I'm not fond of being mocked. Why you would bind my script to this specimen is beyond me."

"Can you believe you actually complained when you were bound to my body?" Madison asked.

Chambers looked her over through the rearview mirror with a critical eye. "Of course I did. It's too soft, darling. Too spongy. Men need a little more support than your pillows can provide. Still, it's a sight better than this." He grabbed his flabby paunch and jiggled it with a grimace.

"Well, you did great," Andrew said.

"Obviously," he scoffed. "I'm the devil, baby. On the day that I require validation from the likes of you I may as well hang up my boots and join a convent."

"You could have just said 'thanks'," Andrew muttered.

"And you could have said nothing, but here we are." The car pulled up to the curb several blocks from Ross's apartment and the professor turned to face them.

"Now get me out of this dreadful man, please."