Defeating the Bugbear

"Well, if it's a fight you want," Karlach taunted, drawing her battleaxe. While she had been hoping to avoid a direct conflict, she was still a bruiser from the streets of Baldur's Gate. She never backed down from a fight.

The bugbear growled as he charged her, club held over her head. Bugbear's were fearsome opponents, and were not to be underestimated. Karlach was still confident, though. She had faced down hulking demons in the Blood War. What was a single hairy oaf?

It turns out, even less trouble than she was expecting.

"Doug" was clearly still hungover and barely functioning. He was relying on pure rage and physical strength to win the fight. Karlach, meanwhile, was a skilled combatant with all her faculties. Sure, the tadpole seemed to have weakened her, sapping her strength and messing with her abilities. However, she still knew enough to take the bugbear down.

After parrying the swing of his club, she struck him in the back of the head. She used the flat of her blade, not wanting to shed blood over something so trivial. The bugbear stumbled forward, disoriented but still standing. He attempted another charge, but this one went even worse than the first. Karlach did not even need her battleaxe, simply delivering one strong punch to his jaw. Doug collapsed to the ground, just as **** as he had been a few moments earlier.

"There!" Karlach shouted, returning her battleaxe to its place on her back. "Some 'divine champion' ya got!"

"You defeated the Absolute's chosen," the priestess muttered, her face shocked and distraught.

"Yes, I did," Karlach replied. "Which I hope teaches you all a valuable lesson on blind worship. Now, I was actually here to-"

"If you can best one with the Absolute's brand..." The priestess interrupted, "That means you are even stronger than the Absolute!!!"

"Wait, no, fuck, that's not what-"

"PRAISE THE TIEFLING!" The priestess yelled. "WHO VANQUISHED THE ABSOLUTE!" In an act of defiance against her old faith, the goblin tore off her dress, which bore the Absolute's mark. The shredded cloth was thrown to the ground, where the now naked goblin stomped on it angrily. Her group followed her lead, tearing off any brand of the absolute they may have and tossing it to the ground.

"This was really not my plan," Karlach sighed, pinching her temple. The crowd of half naked goblins did not seem to notice her annoyance, crying out in a chorus of cheers.

"PLEASE, ALMIGHTY SAVIOR," the priestess continued. "TELL US YOUR NAME SO THAT WE MAY KNOW WHO WE SERVE!"

"Look, it's Karlach, but-"

"PRAISE KARLACH!" The chant was repeated by the group over and over, getting louder each time.

"Alright, ENOUGH!" The tiefling roared, silencing the crowd. "I don't want you lot to go around yelling my name!"

"Then please, great Karlach, teach us how to worship you!" Coming from the now naked goblin priestess, the request felt like it had an interesting connotation. Looking up at the barbarian with devoted eyes, she added "We want nothing more than to serve you faithfully!"