Oh, no, we've got a life to live

Nick couldn’t get the other women out of the Master’s Suite fast enough. As much as Ella seemed to have relaxed and gotten used to the presence of Vivian, Rose, and Sylvia by the end of the night, it was better for everybody in his mind if they just left things between the two of them.

But he still couldn’t express his gratitude enough.

“Thanks for coming, guys,” he said at the door as the other girls bid them both goodbye. “I really appreciate what you were trying to do today, for Ella.”

“Of course!” Sylvia chirped. “And thank you, for helping me realize what I needed to do, Daddy! I can’t wait for tomorrow!”

“Any time,” Rose said, fluffing her curls as she glanced at the mirror in the entryway. With another 100 BP pocketed, her hair had almost reached its original length, and was starting to get some of its waviness back.

Rose: 9400 BP + 100 BP = 9500 BP

She had quite a lot of BP stored up. More than anybody else. She could definitely afford a lot from the shop right now, something she would keep in mind.

Another night or two ought to do it! Or if I can get some BP from that collar! Rose was excited at the prospect of getting her hair back, but she wasn’t sure if she would stop there. Earning all this BP was a little addicting!

But while Sylvia and Rose were both focused on the future, Vivian’s sights were firmly rooted in the present.

“Ella,” she called to the latina standing behind Nick, partially using him as a shield while she said her goodbyes. The way Ella jumped when Vivian called her name showed that she still had a long way to go yet.

“Yeah?” Ella asked warily.

Vivian gave her an easy smile. “Remember what I said before, just take it easy, and enjoy yourself! And if things don’t go perfectly, it’s not a big deal! Just try to have a good time. Sound like a plan?” She encouraged her.

Ella wasn’t sure if she could ever be as free-spirited and relaxed as Vivian. But she would try her best anyway.

Just take it easy… enjoy myself! That shouldn’t be too hard, right? She swallowed and tried to prepare, worried about the possible outcomes but trying hard to not let those doubts get to her.

…They wouldn’t, right? No, of course they wouldn’t!

…Right?

Luckily, dinner was the perfect distraction. Mary came out, plates in hand, and paused.

“…Oh, did everybody already leave?” She looked a little disappointed.

“Guess so,” Holly said glumly, coming out to join her friend. “Too bad, too. I was hoping we’d get to see more of everyone being maids!”

“If they stayed any later, they’d have to stay the night,” Nick pointed out, returning to the dining room table with Ella. “And I don’t think you’d want that, right?”

Ella shook her head. No, she definitely did not!

“So what’s for dinner, Mary?” Nick asked, looking hopefully up at his wife. She really did look great in that maid outfit.

Mary cleared her throat and smiled. “Well, you guys said you wanted something that would be easy to eat, and wouldn’t stain, right? So I decided the best thing for that? Burritos!”

She set two plates down, one in front of each of them. A nicely-wrapped assortment of beans, chicken, and rice sat on the plate, still steaming.

Ella’s eyes widened and she licked her lips. “Oh, wow… it smells delicious, Mary! Thank you so much!” She said politely. Mary was so sweet, and Ella was trying to get used to talking more to people. Somehow, the buxom redhead being dressed as a maid gave her a more approachable air than she normally had about her.

“Mary is a really good cook,” Nick nodded, thinking back fondly to all the times she had prepared delicious food for him. “You’ve had her burgers, right?”

Ella nodded. She had a bit of an unpleasant look for a second there, though.

“I’m actually a decent cook myself,” she informed him. “I did it a lot, you know.”

Mary picked up on the little competitive spark in the other girl immediately, and was quick to join in. “That’s right! Ella’s burger was amazing when she was in cooking class with us! In fact, Ella, would you like to join us again for the next one?”

Ella’s eyes widened and she smiled a little. “Really? You mean it?” She asked.

Mary nodded. “Sure! It would be a lot of fun!”

“Okay, yeah, um, maybe tomorrow?” Ella considered. “Since Sylvia is going to be with Nick the whole day.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Mary nodded excitedly.

“It’ll be a lot of fun!” Holly agreed. “You’ll love it!”

Nick smiled. He was happy that Ella seemed to be getting along great with the others, even if she’d been really shy tonight at first. She wasn’t some delicate flower that needed to be protected, he could see that now, but it was still vital to cater to her needs, just like with everybody else.

And it was clear that what Ella really needed was for people to do fun things with her that would distract from thoughts of Cinder, and her feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing as a result of the wicked woman exerting her influence.

Whether or not that was possible, well… that was another matter altogether. But he really hoped she could be soothed.

Still, it looks like Ella’s still bothered by something, he noted. It was subtle, but hard to miss if you knew what you were looking for. The latina seemed on edge for some reason, almost like she was waiting in anticipation.

For what, he couldn’t hazard a guess.

He wasn’t the only person to pick up on that.

“You haven’t even touched your burrito!” Holly pointed out, gesturing to Ella’s full plate. “They’re best when they’re hot!”

“Oh, I know,” Ella said, jerking in her seat slightly, another red flag. She picked up the burrito and bit into it, and smiled.

It really did taste amazing.

Nick smiled, glad to see she was enjoying herself. It was obvious how much she liked the meal just by the expression on her face.

He just hoped that whatever else was bugging her, they could move past it and she could have nothing but good thoughts when it came to tonight.

Ella swallowed another bite, then set her burrito down. She had a satisfied look in her eye, and she turned to Mary. “…It was delicious,” she said, taking another bite. “Um, Nick, you liked yours, too… right?”

Nick realized he’d been so focused on Ella he hadn’t eaten himself. He quickly changed that, happy to enjoy Mary’s cooking whenever possible. The redhead beamed with pride as the two of them enjoyed themselves, and Holly giggled again.

If the rest of the night could go like this, Nick was certain that things would go perfectly.

But he couldn’t help noticing that Ella was still on edge. Just a hair- in anybody else, he wouldn’t have noticed. But because it was Ella, he was razor-focused on anything that even slightly suggested she was uncomfortable.

“You like the food?” It was lame, the worst kind of question to ask. Of course she liked it, she’d said as much! And the way Ella stared at him like he was a moron just confirmed he should have tried something less foolish to break the ice.

But he couldn’t help himself- he was uneasy about what he should say, and how he should bring his concerns to her attention.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I mean, is it really that big of an issue, if she’s really on edge here?

He could just let sleeping dogs lie, right?

Right when Nick decided that was the best course of action, Ella spoke to him instead.

“Nick… is everything alright?” She asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?” He was so caught off-guard by her being the one to ask that he didn’t know what to say at first. “Everything’s fine, why do you ask?” He wondered.

Ella bit her lip. “You sure?”

He twitched. What a giveaway.

“…Okay, actually… I am a little nervous about something,” he admitted.

Mary gasped. “Oh no! Did I get the portions wrong? I know you really like pinto beans, so I thought-”

“No, Mary, your food is delicious as always, don’t worry,” Nick assured his wife with a smile. “No, Ella, I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

Ella flinched. “But… but I’m having a good time…” She mumbled, and the look on her face took a dark turn. She eyed Nick with suspicion, wondering if he was judging her and thinking of her as fragile and needing protection again.

That wasn’t where Nick was mentally… but her concerns were valid for her to have, and that was part of the problem.

He hoped he wouldn’t do something that would upset her, he really did.

Nick took a deep breath, and exhaled.

“You still seem like you’re a bit on edge,” he stated, hating to say it but knowing it needed to be said. “If there’s anything I can do that would make you more comfortable, please, just tell me!”

“Is it because of me?” Mary asked anxiously. “Because I’m here, and you’re not alone? Or because I’m wearing a maid outfit?”

“No!” Ella shook her head rapidly. “I’m fine! Really! I’m fine! I’m not uncomfortable at all! You don’t need to worry!”

But she knew that the words coming out of her mouth were lies.

I’m still afraid. Tonight… it’s going so well! …But what if it doesn’t stay that way? What if… what if things go bad? Really bad… what if something happens, and Cinder comes out? Then this wonderful night will be ruined… I can’t let that happen! I can’t!

Ella was expending a lot of mental strength to keep Cinder back. And she didn’t know why she was doing it, either!

Cinder only tended to come out when Ella was feeling emotionally overwhelmed and scared, as a coping mechanism. A way for her to protect herself from stress and perceived threats. But right now, the only thing pressuring her was the thought of Cinder herself.

So why did it feel like her other half was trying to assert dominance? Why did she have that murky feeling in the back of her head, like Cinder was trying to claw her way to freedom by any means necessary?

Ella couldn’t let that happen. So she was expending a great deal of mental energy trying to keep her alter in check.

That had to be what Nick was picking up on. And him drawing attention to it just made everything worse!

I just have to get through tonight, she thought. Just make it through tonight! Then today will be a great date with a bunch of good memories, and I can use that to push ahead and keep Cinder down! Maybe… maybe if I can be happy enough with Nick… maybe all that darkness in her will just stay away for good this time.

That was the driving **** motivating her to keep a clamp on Cinder. She hoped if she could be happy enough with Nick, her alter would one day just fade away into the background and maybe she could finally move forward with her life.

Of course… she knew there was no chance of that happening.

But it was still nice to dream.

Then she thought about Vivian’s smiling face. The way the heiress had told her to take it easy and not stress too much, and to just have a good time.

Maybe it would be better… if I told them. Told them about Cinder. They already know about her, obviously, so they wouldn’t recoil. They might even be willing to help.

“Actually… there is something I need to say,” Ella admitted, looking up sheepishly at Nick and Mary. The way they gazed back at her with eyes completely devoid of judgment, eager to hear what she had to say… it was such a relief.

“What is it?” Nick asked. “You can tell me.”

“Yeah!” Mary nodded emphatically.

Ella bit her lip, and snapped the rubber-band on her wrist. “THWAP!”

Everybody knew what that meant. The looks of understanding support quickly turned to expressions of concern and alarm.

“Ella? Is everything okay?” Nick tried to keep the anxiety out of his voice, but he had a bit of trouble with that.

“I… Cinder has been pushing at me,” Ella admitted somberly. “She really seems to want to come out, and… I don’t know why. I’m not anxious or nervous, I’m not trying to run away. I had a really good night tonight, so I don’t understand why my brain is… why she’s… why I’m…”

Ella’s mind was a complicated thing. She acted in ways she didn’t fully understand, and Cinder’s influence affected her in ways that she couldn’t always account for.

But right now… right now she wanted nothing more than to be free of the dark influence burning inside her. By whatever means she possibly could.

Unfortunately, nothing was ever that easy.

“Maybe… maybe you should.”

Everyone looked in shock at Holly, not expecting her of all people to say anything… and certainly not for her to say that.

“What?!” Ella gasped in alarm. Holly… she couldn’t possibly be suggesting…?

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, a shadow crossing over his face as he looked at her, trying to make sense of what she’d just suggested.

Mary tried to be a little less accusatory and attempted to understand what her friend was trying to suggest. “Holly, do you really think it would be a good thing, for Ella to let Cinder take over her body? Is that what you’re saying?”

Holly winced. “No, that’s not exactly… I just… ugh, it’s really strange…” She scratched her head and sighed. “Look, what I’m trying to say is… I’ve been in a position like Ella before. Definitely not exactly the same, but… I know a little something about trying to hold back my worst impulses and darkest thoughts because I was afraid of how other people would think of me.”

“That… that isn’t what this is, though,” Nick said, looking over to Ella. “Dissociative identity disorder isn’t comparable to trying to keep your dirty thoughts from leaking out.”

“No, yeah, I know that!” Holly nodded rapidly. “Obviously not! It’s just… well…”

She bit her lip and looked over at Ella again.

“Maybe the reason why Cinder’s trying to get out, even though there’s no stress acting on Ella right now, is because there’s something inside her that she’s trying to express. And she can’t do it through Ella, so she needs to do it through Cinder… maybe?”

Holly was no doctor. And certainly no psychiatrist. She’d spent far more time on the other end of the couch.

But she wanted to help the troubled girl, and this was the only thing she could think of.

Ella seemed shaken.

“I… I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know why Cinder would want to surface right now… but whatever the reason, I can’t imagine it’s good…”

Nick nodded. He couldn’t imagine that either.

“Are you scared of letting her out?” Mary asked. “She won’t be able to hurt us, remember. Is it because you’re afraid you’ll be losing out on time with Nick? Or is it that you think Nick will take what Cinder has to say, and think less of you for it?”

Those were all valid reasons that Ella had for being ****.

But more than anything…

“I don’t want to let Cinder out!” She snapped her rubber-band again. “I just want… I just want her to go away already! I had so much fun today, and Cinder was nowhere to be seen!”

She wanted more fun days like this. She wanted more nights around the dinner table talking with friends, without having to turn into a raging psychopath.

Was that too much to ask for? To just be able to enjoy herself like a normal girl every now and then? Really?

Even as the words escaped her lips, though, she acknowledged the futility of it.

In the back of my mind, I knew… I knew that this was only a temporary reprieve.

No matter how much fun they had together, it wouldn’t erase Cinder. She’d always be there, waiting, in the back of her mind. Ella could push her down deeper and deeper, try whatever methods she could think of to keep her locked away, but her other self would eventually escape.

Why? Why did she have to live a life like this?

Ella fought back her tears and looked desperately up at Nick, wishing he could do something, say something, that would make it all stop.

But she knew that was a cruel thing to demand of him. He couldn’t help her any more than she could help herself.

Finally, resigned, she hung her head.

“I know Cinder isn’t going to go away… I can’t lock her away. If she wants to come out, then eventually, she will. I just… I really thought…”

How strange. Today had begun with her buying clothes Cinder would like. She’d accepted- or at least, tolerated- Cinder as a constant in her life.

And all it had taken was one day of enjoying herself without her to change all of that.

“Ella… I don’t know how I can help you,” Nick admitted. He looked as hurt as she felt. “Is there anything I can do?”

Ella looked into his eyes and saw gleaming acceptance in them. He really did care about her… he really was trying to help.

If only such things were easily done.

“I… I think Cinder… I think Holly, you’re right,” Ella said, looking over at the diminutive maid. “I think there’s something I need to say… and I don’t think I’m the right person to say it.”

Ella wasn’t weak or fragile. But Cinder… Cinder could do so many things that she couldn’t. Cinder could say things she never would be able to… thoughts that she was afraid of even occurring to her.

That was part of the reason she was scared to let her out of her cage. Because maybe, if Cinder shared the things she wanted to share… maybe Nick and the others wouldn’t like her anymore.

And that scared her far more than any of the other triggers that brought her alter bubbling to the surface.

But that fear wasn’t something she could risk consuming her. No… maybe… maybe she needed to do this.

“Nick… please… promise me something?” Ella begged, looking up at him.

He saw the fear in her eyes and nodded quickly. “Yeah, anything, whatever you want!” He agreed. He’d promise her the moon if he thought it would help soothe her.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she sank back into her seat. She looked at her burrito and wished that she could have taken one more bite before going, but Cinder was coming, she could feel it now.

“Promise me you’ll remember our date today, alright? And all the fun we had together,” Ella pleaded. “I don’t want you to think back on Cinder… when you’re thinking about today, please remember the good times? Don’t let her ruin them…”

“I… I won’t let her ruin anything,” Nick promised, his face heating up. He didn’t know if he could promise the rest. Ella’s fear of Cinder destroying everything, he understood it, but at the same time Cinder was just as much a part of her. He didn’t know if he could promise to only remember one of them.

Still, Ella smiled. Maybe that promise was enough. Her hand snapped out and grabbed her burrito, and savagely bit into it, devouring the last bit food she could sink her teeth in before losing control of herself.

The remains of her meal plopped onto her plate, spilling the rest of its contents as it fell apart.

Cinder raised her head and looked Nick dead in the eye.