Lost Sister (Natalie PoV)

Movement on the balcony caught my attention. Alexis slid the door open, pointedly ignoring me as she strolled in as if nothing was amiss. It was clear she wanted to pretend nothing happened, but what kind of sister would I be if I did that? A terrible one, that’s what.

“Well, well. Here I thought you got lost.”

“Shutup,” she muttered, continuing her beeline to the bedroom.

“Enjoy your birthday present?” She froze. “Certainly sounded like you did.”

She spun to face me. “That wasn’t—!”

I blinked, not expecting such a flustered reaction from her. I’d caught her in far more compromising positions before. We never had a typical sibling relationship and were probably too open about certain topics. As the ‘adult’ figure in her life, I never cared for her wanton attitude towards sex—mostly because I understood all too well what an unhealthy sex life looked like. Yet I couldn’t judge her because I had been worse. It took a monumental, life-altering fuck-up for me to come to my senses and realize how destructive my lifestyle was and how utterly alone I was. Fortunately, Alexis was a fair bit smarter than I ever was, but she was still in that immature phase.

Some of that was on me. I wasn’t in the right mindset when Alexis became sexually active, mostly being far too busy figuring out how to properly be an adult to play mother to Alexis. By the time things stabilized enough for me to focus on her, it was too late to course correct. Even if I knew in my heart that past me did everything ‘right’ in terms of what I was capable of at the time, present me still judged the old me pretty harshly. I didn’t regret taking her with me when I finally decided to free myself of our shitty parents, but I couldn’t help but see all the glaring failures and stumbles I made along the way.

If anything, I was happy for her. I knew how she felt about Jake, and as for Chloe... Well, that girl was the best influence Alexis ever had. So much had changed since the two of them became friends. Alexis was gradually looking beyond the present and immediate future, studying more and going out less. Some of it was because of the incident regarding us and her Gift, but that didn’t explain everything. She just seemed happier, spending a fair amount of time hanging out at Jake’s or messaging Chloe and Victoria.

If there was anyone who could get Alexis to settle down, it was Chloe.

Or so I hoped.

“... It wasn’t like that,” she mumbled, turning away.

Everything fell away as I stood, wrapping her in a hug.

“I fucked up,” she said, hands tightening on my shirt. “I shouldn’t have... we shouldn’t have...”

“It’s okay,” I said, stroking the top of her head. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’s not! Everything I touch turns to shit. You. Chloe and Jake...”

I pushed her away, firmly grasping her shoulders. “Stop.”

“But—”

“Alexis, shutup. Deep breaths.” She sniffed, wiping at her eyes before doing what I asked. “Now, why don’t you start from the beginning.”

We moved to the couch and I listened as she spilled her heart out. She veered a bit too much into the sex aspect. Listening to Alexis rave about the, ‘literal mind-blowing sex’ wasn’t the most typical of conversation topics, but I could handle that. Sharing memories had a way of smashing down walls. Hearing her gush over Jake’s size, and how… unique… her experience with him was the most unsettling part. That brought forth a host of emotions I wasn’t comfortable with exploring.

Those things aside, I was once more impressed with Jake. Considering the direction Alexis was going with her tale, I expected the three to declare themselves a couple and go for it, especially since that was the conclusion Alexis and Chloe made. He had pumped the breaks on that, giving them a week to think things over. Smart.

Not that Alexis could see that, but then again, thinking ahead was never her strong suit.

“And?” I asked when she finally finished.

“What do you mean, ‘and?’”

“Let me rephrase that: What do you want?”

“I—” She caught herself. “…don’t know.”

“You seemed pretty confident about things when you were explaining it all to me.”

She was silent for a moment, wrapping her arms around her legs and pulling them to her chest. “It hit me when Chloe and I were playing. How normal things were. Like things were right back to how they were before… last night. It’s easy to say things in the moment. Admitting I have feelings for Chloe doesn’t mean I’m suddenly not going to want to jump the first hot guy who hits on me. I’m still… me. I like being me.

“I did mean it when I said I would give it up, but now it is starting to sink in what that would really mean. No going out with Victoria, having fun, and picking from the selection of hot guys throwing themselves at us. No more Victoria and Ezra. No more enjoying the thrill of being with someone new. No more sex parties, random hookups, threesomes, or even the rare, but appreciated, gangbang.”

I wrinkled my nose, trying my best to clear that image out of my mind. I had my fair share of those experiences, but most of those memories were drowned in excessive amounts of **** that preceded them. None of what I remembered was what I would call fond memories. I still cringed at how my old self was proud of her exploits.

Alexis tightened her grip on her knees. “I don’t think Jake believes that I could give it all up, and this is his way of letting things cool so Chloe and I realize that I’m not a good fit for them.”

“Can’t Jake literally see dishonesty or whatever with his Gift?”

“He can tell that I believe what I’m saying, but that’s not the same as actually following through with it.” She cut me off when I tried to speak. “And he’s probably right too. Look how long my conviction lasted: a few hours? Now that I’ve had time to think about everything I’d have to give up…”

I mirrored Alexis’ stance on the couch, staring over at her. “That may be true, but instead of focusing on what you’ll lose, perhaps consider what you’ll gain?” I gave her a soft smile. “You said numerous times that last night was amazing. ‘Best sex ever’ was how you described it. Numerous times.”

She gave me a small smile. “It was. It really, really was.” A sigh swept away the smile. “What if that was just because it was new? Sure, it was great last night, maybe the next time will be too. A dozen times after. But what if it suddenly isn’t? What if it’s all just a spark that will fade to nothing given time?”

“So stop focusing on the sex part? A relationship is more than just sex. You already spend a good amount of time with Jake and Chloe and enjoy being with them even without sex. A relationship will carry that on, increasing and building on to what you already have with them. You have to decide which is more important to you: your current sex life, or the time you enjoy with Jake and Chloe.”

She didn’t say anything, just nodding as she retreated inward. I decided to give her time to think. Standing, I walked over and gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Whatever you choose, know that I have your back.”

Alexis gave me a weak smile. “Thanks.”

As I left her to think, I couldn’t help but curse the timing of it all. If only this happened a few months in the future, I would be much more confident in how things would shake out. A few more months at the pace she’d been going, I had no doubt where Alexis would land. Now, it was too soon. She was still in this weird transition state from the person she was before, to discovering a new, more secure self. One where friendships were more than shallow ties focused on physical pleasure and where she wasn’t as flighty when it came to facing challenges or setbacks because she had clear ideas of what she wanted and realizing she did have the strength to fight for them. She was so close to shedding off a few of her more immature ways through a natural progression of discovering the joys of deeper, more meaningful connections with the people in her life.

All this was doing now was shining a spotlight on what she was giving up while those things still mattered to her. I could see how important her relationship to Jake and especially Chloe was, and in time, I have no doubt she would too. A few months, she’d probably look back and realize how little all those things she liked meant to her in the grand scheme of things.

The problem was this wasn’t a few months in the future, it was now. Life had a tendency of throwing shit at you at the worst possible times. Alexis hadn’t had enough time in this new budding relationship with the two to see a clear future being with them would bring. To her, it was a murky future filled with unknowns being compared to known comforts.

I hated that I couldn’t help her here. I could push her towards Jake and Chloe, but it had to be her to decide what she wanted. She was lost in the transition between a more healthy and mature form of herself, and there wasn’t much I could do beyond support her where I could. I had to trust she would find her way.