I'm battling my demons, running to the light

It took Ella a second to process what had happened. When she did, it looked like she was going to be sick.

“N-no, I…” She took a step back, her eyes swimming behind her bangs. But she couldn’t get away, because Dawn was still holding her wrist.

“Ella?” Dawn asked, not sure if the alter had fled.

Ella’s eyes widened and she stiffened up straight, confirming Dawn’s suspicions.

“L-let m-m-me g-go,” she stammered, trying to free herself. But Dawn held on tight and didn’t let her get away. She bit her lip and shook her head.

“Ella, I just had a conversation with Cinder,” Dawn stated.

“…Ah.” Ella went deathly silent and her eyes widened. She stopped struggling, and stopped moving entirely, she just stared blankly at Dawn as she tried to process what she just heard.

Then tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-”

“Hey! Hey! It’s okay! It’s okay!” Dawn let go of Ella’s arm, and pulled her into a hug instead. Ella’s eyes widened and she stared numbly forward, not sure what to make of what was happening.

“It’s okay,” Dawn murmured, her ear twitching against Ella’s cheek. “I heard what happened. And I don’t care about that. About any of it.”

“What… happened…” Ella croaked out, her voice aching like she’d swallowed a box of nails.

“We questioned Cinder,” Amelia sharply stated. “She told us about your stepfamily. How they were killed by your hands.”

Ella winced. “That… I… it’s not what you think!” She struggled against Dawn, and finally managed to break free from the shorter girl’s embrace. But before she could run away, Morgana grabbed her this time.

“Ella, wait!” Morgana cried. “Just… just wait a second, please!”

The shivering girl just about gave up. Everyone was surrounding her and overwhelming her. She wanted to run away, she wanted to go somewhere she could calm down and not have to deal with any of this, but she couldn’t.

For once, Cinder wasn’t trying to take over. She was on her own.

“Just leave me alone…” Ella sobbed, rubbing at her eyes. “Just stay away from me…”

“That’s going to be rather hard to do,” Dawn replied, circling around her so Morgana was on one side of the girl and she on the other. It might not have been the best idea to surround her like this, but Dawn needed to cover her bases. Even if it seemed unlikely that she’d run away again. “We care about you, Ella.”

Ella looked up at Dawn in confusion.

“…Why?”

Ella could barely remember the last person to care about her- her father. When was the last time someone had hugged her the way Dawn had? It must have been more than a decade ago since she’d felt that kind of warmth from another person.

“…Because…” Dawn tried to come up with an answer that would satisfy the woman in front of her. She could explain to herself why she was trying so hard, but would her feelings reach Ella’s heart? Maybe she was going about this the wrong way, maybe she-

“Because we’re all we have,” Morgana said, finding the perfect combination of words to explain the answer in Dawn’s heart. The cat girl’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Morgana…”

“Huh?” Ella squinted at the goth in confusion.

“We’re all members of Nick’s harem,” Morgana said. “So we have to stick together! …I-I guess. At least, I think that’s why, right, Dawn?” She pleaded with Dawn with her eyes, and the cat girl just gave her a shaky nod.

“R-right, that’s-”

“When I first came here, I didn’t have any friends back home, and my family… well, I didn’t do well with them, either…” Morgana pushed down the guilt she felt in regards to her family, knowing that it was nothing compared to what Ella must have gone through. “I was so alone… I couldn’t stand it. I tried to hide it by pretending to be this big, scary witch… trying to drive people away. But the truth is… I was scared that nobody would like me. So I wanted to make them not like me first.”

Dawn winced. She knew how painful it must be for Morgana to go back to that mindset again, even in a hypothetical sense.

“But ever since I came here… I’ve been able to make friends for real,” Morgana said softly. She let go of Ella’s wrist and her hands hung limply at her sides. “People who care about me… for me. They see me for who I really am, and… well, it’s really nice.”

A dorky smile split her pale lips in two. “They’re practically a new family for me… and I know they can care about you, Ella. I do! And I know, it’s not… it’s not normal, nothing here is normal… But right now, we’re all you have. You’re bound to Nick, after all… and that’s not going to change. We’ve all got to learn to live together… and that includes you.”

Ella bit her lip and looked down. “But… I’m dangerous,” she mumbled. “Cinder… she could hurt you… all of you. And I can’t control her…”

“She can’t hurt us,” Dawn said, shaking her head. “Dakota would never allow it.”

Of course, Dakota wasn’t going to be here forever. At some point, the show would end, and they would return to the real world. And when that happened, there wouldn’t be any rules to keep Cinder’s **** in check.

But they’d have to cross that bridge when they came to it.

“Is it…” Ella’s voice trembled. “Is it really… okay for me to be here?” She managed to whimper out, lowering her head.

“We just said it was,” Dawn said softly.

“Y-yeah!” Morgana nodded rapidly, getting flustered by the tears the other girl was crying out. She didn’t know what to do when someone was getting upset. “No one’s going to be mean or say bad things about you! We’re going to look out for each other!”

Ella fell to her knees and started sobbing. Neither Morgana nor Dawn were fully sure what to do about that, so they both tried to comfort her in their own ways. Dawn patted her on the back, while Morgana tried to make her smile.

Amelia watched this from the sidelines, feeling a queasiness in her heart.

Those two… they were able to get through to her. They made it look so easy. Getting her to open up like that with just some words. But I… I wasn’t. She bit her lip and lowered her head, forcing those negative thoughts down. She was grateful in that moment that she had difficulty expressing her emotions on her face, because she didn’t know what kind of face she’d be making right then.

But she knew she felt miserable that those two girls had been able to get through to someone as damaged as Ella, even if she hadn’t been able to do so herself.

Across the hotel, Dani was walking back from the hot spring, her hair still a little damp. She and Kim had gone their separate ways; after all, Kim still had work to do. And Dani, well… Dani wasn’t exactly sure how she should spend her time now.

Part of her really wanted to track down Carly. Because of course she did. But at the same time, she wasn’t sure if she should. Something was eating away at her, and she wanted to get some advice on what to do.

So she went to go check up on someone.

“Serenity?” Dani called, walking through the cavern. “You in here?”

A glowing head of dark hair popped out of the water, and a pair of blue eyes stared inquisitively at Dani. The siren slowly pulled herself up, bizarrely using the water as leverage until she was standing on the surface. Another reminder to Dani just how strange sirens were.

Then the former swimmer smiled.

“I thought for a moment you might have forgotten about me,” Serenity said, approaching the shore. “It’s been a while.”

“Sorry,” Dani apologized with a rueful grin. “Yesterday was rather weird.”

Serenity studied her closely. “You look… taller.”

“Huh?!” Dani blinked in confusion. “Taller… what?”

The siren nodded and stroked her chin. “Like a burden’s been lifted from your shoulders, that’s how I see it, anyway.”

Joan’s face flashed before Dani’s eyes and she smiled shyly.

“Yeah, I guess… I guess you could say that,” she nodded.

“So what brings you here?” Serenity headed for her little lounge room, and beckoned for Dani to follow. Dani was just glad she was wearing her swimsuit; she didn’t want to explain to Carly why she had been alone with a naked woman, even one they both considered a friend.

“I… I just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing, that’s all,” Dani said, following after her. She sat down on the couch as Serenity wiped the water from her shimmering body and sat down across from her.

“I’m doing fine. No complaints. The water’s nice,” Serenity shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “What about you? How’s the show going?”

“It… it’s going…” Dani stammered.

The siren raised her eyebrow. “Dani,” she said softly, “you’re one of the only people I talk to. Are you really going to be vague with me?”

She looked at the tomboy with a pleading gaze that made Dani blush. She knew that Serenity didn’t like communicating with words. But she didn’t know what she was supposed to say to her.

“I… I got a new transformation,” Dani awkwardly offered. “It was from the Siren path. Dakota used her veto to **** it on me.”

Serenity winced. “What does it do?”

Dani took out her screen and showed it to the other woman.

• Serene Serenade: Sirens are well-known for their power to lure people at sea to their doom. But Dani would never do that! Instead, her singing voice will be tuned so that whenever she sings, anyone who listens will be awash with feelings of peace and tranquility, and any troubles they have will be long forgotten. This will also give her voice a melodic quality to it that is very erotic and sensual. (Siren)

Serenity blinked, then sighed in relief. “Well… it could certainly be worse. Be thankful for that, at least.”

Dani winced. That wasn’t exactly a glowing endorsement. “Yeah… I know. I just wanted to let you know, is all.”

“And is that everything?” Serenity raised her eyebrow. She playfully gnashed her teeth at Dani, who giggled back.

Then she shook her head.

“No, it… it’s not,” she admitted. “There are a bunch of new girls in the harem, and… well, I’m not quite sure what to do about that.”

Serenity leaned forward and raised her eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Not like that!” Dani blushed, and waved her hands frantically. “I would never cheat on Carly! Or anybody! It’s just… it’s got me thinking, that’s all…”

Serenity remained silent. She was good at that. She stared at Dani with her piercing blue eyes, and let Dani’s doubts and uncertainties whittle away at her until she finally started talking again.

“…It made me think a lot about Nick and his harem,” Dani admitted. “See, my night with him… it’s tonight.”

“Oh. That sounds like fun.” Serenity’s answer was as blunt as Dani expected. She could almost hear the sarcasm in the other woman’s voice.

“I’m serious,” Dani sighed, and shook her head. “This is a big deal. I thought about inviting Carly up again, but… I don’t know about that. I feel like if I keep doing that… it’s not fair to her, you know? Or to Nick, either.”

Serenity scrunched up her face. “Not fair… to Nick? Why do you care what that guy thinks?”

Why DID Dani care? That was a good question.

“Because… because he’s my friend,” she replied. “I care about him a lot!”

“You care about how he spends his night with you?” Serenity pressed.

Dani squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. She wasn’t used to Serenity talking this much. While the siren wasn’t as quiet as Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin, she was very taciturn. The fact that she kept speaking made Dani wonder if something had changed about her.

“Serenity…”

“Dani.”

Just hearing the siren say her name felt like a door being slammed in Dani’s face. She could tell instantly that Serenity wasn’t going to play counselor for her and answer all her questions. She needed to find the answer herself.

Why was this so important to her? Why did she feel that gap of loneliness in her chest when Kim went off to work earlier?

And why did she go to see Serenity, when Carly was probably off on her own somewhere, on a glorious bit of freedom from Marley?

Nick didn’t matter more than Carly, even if he was her best friend. So why…

Dani bit her lip and looked down at the throw rug spread over the cavern floor. When she finally raised her head to look Serenity in the eye, the siren had barely moved an inch. She just kept staring at Dani with that stoic, judging gaze of hers.

“…I think… I think I know,” Dani said finally. “I know why I feel so uncomfortable with all these new people showing up.”

Serenity nodded slightly but didn’t give a verbal response. Even then, Dani could see she was coaxing her with her eyes.

“I don’t know where I stand…” Dani finally admitted.

“Stand?”

“With Nick. With the other girls in his harem, I mean,” Dani sighed. “Carly and I… what we have is special. But Nick… he’s a part of it too… kind of. He’s with Carly in their own way, and it’s like… well, you wouldn’t understand. It’s like a timeshare!”

“…A timeshare.” Serenity stared blankly at Dani as the tomboy squirmed with embarrassment. Admittedly, that wasn’t the best analogy she could have come up with.

“Look, all I’m saying is that Nick and I… our relationship… it’s unique. We’re not lovers, that’s never going to happen. But… look, you’re a lesbian too, so you must know what I’m talking about, right? You’ve been here before!” Dani urged.

A shadow crossed Serenity’s glowing face, and her lips turned down in a frown.

“…You don’t want to think of my situation,” she said quietly and shook her head. “Remember… my master wasn’t as… considerate as yours.”

Dani winced. She remembered Serenity’s story about how she’d become what she is now. “…You’re right, sorry,” she apologized, and lowered her head. “That was wrong of me.”

“Not at all. Just because I didn’t have a master who respected my boundaries doesn’t mean I can’t see where you’re coming from,” Serenity replied, shaking her head. “You’re trying to figure out your place in the harem. I can get that much.”

“Exactly!” Dani cried, standing up and pacing around the room. “It’s just… there are four new girls in the harem now! Four! And not to mention the other contestants who were already there… and Mary, too, she’s married to him still, and I… I’m just the lesbian best friend, who’s sleeping with one of the other girls.”

“And that bothers you?” Serenity pressed.

It did bother her. But Dani didn’t quite understand why.

“I don’t get it,” she admitted, shaking her head. “Nick and I… we’re friends. But it feels like I’m on the outside of everything, since I’m not sleeping with him. Kim… she’s another friend of mine, I don’t know if you’d remember her… she hasn’t been with him that way either, but she wants to. I think it’s definitely going to happen this week, and when it does…”

Dani stopped pacing and looked down.

“…I just don’t know,” she admitted. “Dakota changed the rules on us. Before, there was this hanging threat of elimination. And with that looming over me, I tried to do whatever I could think of to get out of it. But now… I don’t know.”

She raised her head and looked at Serenity. The siren was a walking testament to how bad things could have gone for Dani if she’d been a little less fortunate.

Now though… now she didn’t have those problems to worry about. She was in a position where no matter what, the chances of elimination were less than a sliver.

“I don’t have to appeal to Nick anymore,” she said loudly, almost like she was trying to convince herself. “We can just be platonic. I don’t care if that means I’ll sit at the bottom of the popularity poll, I’m fine with that! I’m fine with just being friends, too.”

“Obviously,” Serenity nodded. Dani clearly hadn’t had some major revelation about her sexuality that would turn everything on its head.

And yet… she still didn’t seem convinced.

“But… is that all I want out of my life?” The tomboy sighed and flopped down on the couch again. “I’m bound to Nick forever now… he and the other girls, they’re all trying to make this ‘harem’ thing work out. And meanwhile, I was so focused on Carly… and so hung up about what happened with Joan… I never really thought about what my place in all this would be.”

She pulled her legs up onto the couch and hugged them tightly to her chest, burying her face in her knees.

“What do you want your place to be?” Serenity pressed.

Dani didn’t know how to answer that question. But at least now, the question was out there.

“I just… I want a happy future,” she said vaguely, and laughed to herself. “How lame is that? I mean… talk about a nothing answer, right?”

She sighed again.

“Maybe it’s a good thing I’m going first tonight,” she muttered. “Maybe I can figure out what I want with him right now. Since I definitely don’t want to be another one of ‘his girls’ but at the same time… having my whole life be defined as ‘Nick’s lesbian best friend’ that just seems… ugh!”

Dani really didn’t know what to make of the situation she found herself in. She loved Carly. And if it wasn’t for this show, she would have continued to just admire the cosplayer from afar, through the other side of the screen.

Because of Harem Hotel, she’d met a wonderful girl that she could love openly, and managed to move past the biggest regret of her life.

Now, the future was wide open for her… and all it had taken was being bound forever with a boy that she genuinely cared for more than any other guy she knew.

It was such a small sacrifice. But that question kept nagging at her in the back of her mind.

With all these other issues resolved… what did Dani want her relationship with Nick to be?