Working out some ground rules

After a moment of panic Jack spoke again.

“To start with can you make it so that I don’t ever accidentally harm myself or make myself cease to exist?”

“Of course.”

“And maybe to prevent any accidents on my end only do something when I begin with ‘I wish’ and then when you or the Domain or whatever is doing something you say ‘granted’. And if there is anything unclear then ask for a clarification, don’t just do something without checking.

“To clarify, is that a wish?”

“Oh good catch. I wish that you only granted wishes for me when I start by saying I wish and that you clarify if anything is unclear.”

“Granted.”

“Lovely. I guess I wish that no wish of mine ever removes my power to wish. Or that if there is a risk that some change could remove me or this power that you would clarify what I wanted and explain the consequences.”

“Granted.”

“So just to be clear, what would happen if I wished for something to have changed in the past?”

“I would make such a change if such a change could be made in such a way as to ensure that you did not cease to exist and that the series of events leading you to claim the domain with your blood and essence remained unchanged. In the event that I could not do so then I would seek clarity from you regarding such a change.”

“But like lets say I wanted to change it so that I had sex with someone in the past. How would you arrange that?”

“I would make the minimal changes necessary to ensure that happened.”

And would other things change? Like if I wished I had sex with Kelly Brook would that have been in the news? What would her life have been like afterwards?

“It would depend. If you just wished to have had sex then I would identify a time period that would require the least intervention. In that case then during her relationship with Jason Statham when he was filming abroad and she was based in the UK while you were in university I would have arranged for a one night stand in her hotel room. Without further detail I would alter the past to ensure that you were both drunk and that it occurred to her as a mechanism to retaliate against a perceived injustice in her relationship where she suspected her partner of cheating on her at various points. As it stands it would not have a major change to other parts of reality as it would not be reported on and Kelly Brook would regard it as a strange lapse in her standards fuelled by ****.”

“A drop in her standards?”

“Yes.”

I mean I know I’m not a celebrity but am I that bad?

“From Ms Brook’s perspective yes. Your body is not in good condition in comparison to those she finds attractive and your penis is smaller than all the other men she has ever slept with it.”

“Oh. Well. Fuck her so. Wait, I could change that right?”

“You can change anything.”

“But would that not change a lot? If I had a big penis I’d probably have been more confident when I was younger.”

“Yes.”

“Right. But then I’d be a different person right? With different experiences?”

“You would be the same person with different experiences. I am guided by changes requested rather than any philosophical concept of the self.”

“Well can I keep my original memories even if I change the past?”

“If you so wish. The human brain is not designed to hold competing memories so too many changes could lead to harm. In line with your previous wish that could restrict future wishes being made in that I might need to clarify your intention.”

“Oh. Well could I fix that now?”

“You can make any change you want.”

“Well I wish that I was able to hold as many competing memories as I wanted arising from any wish that I make while still knowing what happened as a result of a wish.”

“Granted.”