XXXmas Party: Dirty Santa

After some clamor, AP Kenning was able to round up everyone who was going to play Dirty Santa. Only teachers and staff were supposed to play. (otherwise, it would have just been entirely too chaotic). Leah noticed Coach Reed had a date on his arm and she trailed off elsewhere for Reed play. Jason was solo and Daniel was sitting very close to Mrs. Clemens. AP Kenning went over the rules of the game for those present

“As y'all know we do Dirty Santa every year. I know some folks play it a bit differently depending on where you go. But these are the rules for THIS house: Everyone draws a number randomly. We start with the highest number. They then pick a gift to open. Someone with a lower number can open a new gift—or steal a current gift. The last person to go--number one--gets to pick to draw the last unopened gift--then they can keep it or steal it. Any questions?”

As expected no one asked any questions as they were mostly familiar with the game. Leah drew a high number and cursed as she saw 18 on her folded index card. She had brought a total gag gift, like everyone else. It was a a coffee cup that looked like a Santa that was pole dancing, something she had bought as an impulse buy knowing that it would come in handy one day. It was filled with phallic candies you'd find at a trashy bachelorette party.

Mr. Howard got lucky and drew the number 1. He grinned at everyone as those around him groaned, knowing that he could steal whatever he wanted and replace someone's gift with whatever he had.

People were drawing all kinds of wild things. Leah saw the assortment of gag gifts that had already been opened before her but she wanted to grab something that hadn't been unwrapped. She could have stolen something good--but odds were she would get it stolen anyway so she elected to see an unwrapped gift. She opened up a small squat box, she figured maybe it was a candle, but it ended up being a Magic 8-ball. Leah knew it was probably a last-minute purchase from a Social Studies teacher. Clearly zero effort. Everyone drew and swapped; eventually, Mr. Howard got to go. He picked the last unopened gift, it was a bag with red and green papers stuffing out hiding the contents. He held it in his lap as he sat and looked around building suspense.

Then Mr. Howard reached into the bag and pulled out...