Alice tells her story.

“You know Mila, Grace, Sarah and I used to hang out all the time. I suppose we’ve never said it, but… I was a really late bloomer,” Alice said. She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “My chest started growing way later, so by the time we started getting interested in boys… those three got all the attention. Grace and Sarah began to experiment with dating, Mila was more reserved but even she had a boyfriend for a while. Me? No guy seemed to be interested in me and… it was difficult. My friends were growing, becoming prettier and they talked to boys while I still looked and felt like a child.

“It was in high school that I finally started seeing changes. My breasts grew to the point where I could compete with Grace. My hips widened more than my waist did, I got taller… and so boys began to look at me with different eyes.

“It was around that time when… someone approached me. A tall, muscular, good looking guy from our year. He…” Alice swallowed and her lip quivered. Her grip on my hand got stronger. “He was so casual about it. He complimented me, he was nice to me, he showed interest in me. It was exactly what the other girls had but I never experienced. I was… ecstatic. Not only was someone interested in me, but he was such a handsome guy, too.

“He asked me out on a date and I said yes. I was… God, I remember thinking it was perfect, but it was nothing but a movie and a meal. He was on his phone most of the time, but I was so excited that I didn’t pay it any mind. I wasn’t even brave enough to ask him why he was on his phone. I was afraid he’d get angry and leave.

“For about two weeks he was super nice to me. We would talk during recess and he would… tell me how beautiful I was. Soon after, though, he… began to ask for things. He began to ask for pictures of me, and… I did send him one or two. But they weren’t the kind he wanted. They were awkward and with… too much clothes on. He started to get impatient. He started to invite one of his friends to hang out with us and he would start talking about the things a girlfriend was expected to do for a guy. I never dared to ask Grace or Sarah about the things they did with their boyfriends, so I… sorta just believed him. I didn’t feel ready, though. I was afraid. I didn’t know anything.

“I… didn’t even know we were dating. We’d never said anything. This guy continued to get pushier and pushier. He would ask me to do things for him, and when I said I wasn’t comfortable doing it, he would start yelling at me. His friend would talk to me and convince me I was the one at fault, so the next day, when he would give me the most heartfelt of apologies, I believed him and forgave him like an idiot. This happened like three more times in the next two weeks and every time he would apologize, telling me how much he cared about me and how important I was to him. I kept believing it.

“Then one day… he tried to do more than just convince me. He…” Alice swallowed hard. She began to shake in my arms and her voice began to crack. “He tried to **** himself on me. He started kissing me, touching me, and when I asked him to stop, he got more forceful. I was lucky we were in his house and his parents came back. I left in a hurry, went directly to Grace’s house and told her everything. A few days later the matter was solved. He hasn’t so much as glanced my way since. But it was at the cost of Grace, Sarah and Mila getting their hands dirty and staining their reputations. They keep telling me they don't mind, but... It's my fault. It still keeps me up at night."

Alice took a deep breath, stopped for a moment, then continued.

“I’ve driven a fast car down a mountain pass countless times, I’ve spun it and been close to crashing, and yet I’ve never been more scared of anything in my life than that time this guy **** himself on me.

“I couldn’t bring myself to start any other relationships. I kept thinking back on what happened before and it terrified me that it may happen again. It was only like half a year ago that I dared to try again, but then the guy also just wanted me for one thing, so… I broke up with him.”

Alice turned to me with a weak smile. “And then there’s you. What went through my mind the other day at Grace’s house was… ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ I was afraid of sex, of being used, of being shamed and defiled, and yet I’m having an orgy with a single guy, letting him do all kinds of things to me and… enjoying them! I talk about thinking that being watched having sex is hot, I tell you that you can own my tits and do anything to them, I let you fuck me in school grounds…! It was like that realization hit me all of a sudden. Like I was being used exactly in the ways I was afraid of.

“Sometimes… you say similar things to what he used to say. That you care about me, that I’m important to you, that you’d never hurt me. And just like I did with him, I believe you.”

My heart hurt so much that I thought I might be having a stroke. My own lips quivered and I felt my eyes itching. I began to believe that my words and my actions, as well-meaning as they were, had caused Alice immense pain. I almost pulled away from her, afraid that touching her would only make everything worse, but she held me close and stopped me.

“It was stupid of me to think that stuff,” Alice immediately said. “After I calmed down, I thought back to every decision that led me to that orgy, to letting you do all I let you do.

“It’s different. It isn’t even in the same realm. I knew you for almost two years before we even started considering dating, you’re Isabelle’s brother. You have Mila, Grace and Sarah’s full trust, too. You even made it so that I could be with them again! You don’t hide anything. And probably the most important thing is that… I want you, too.”

She grabbed onto my clothes to stop me from even thinking of pulling away and looked me straight in the eyes. “Oliver, I’ve wanted everything we’ve done together. Everything. I’ve never felt safer than when I’m in your arms. Remember when I told you I had a nice dream at Grace’s house? I dreamt of us living together.

“I love touching you, I love it when you touch me, I love it when we kiss, I love it when we hug. I enjoy our talks and even the silent moments we spend together.

“That day I wondered, what if I’m just reading things wrong again? What if he’s just lying and acting sweet to get me to trust him? But it was dumb of me to even consider it. Before, with that other guy, the signals were all there. I just chose to ignore them because I was afraid. With you… This is turning out to be the relationship I always wanted, the ideal I fantasized about.” She chuckled. “Okay, maybe I didn’t imagine there being four other women, but that’s another topic.”

“Alice…”

She gently put her finger on my lips to silence me. “I’m sorry. Please let me finish. I know you’ll start apologizing for things you haven’t done.”

She got me there.

“And if all these signs weren’t enough, there’s our connection.” Alice pressed her forehead against mine and smiled. “It was faint at first, but it’s getting stronger. You feel it too, don’t you?” I nodded. I could feel Alice’s thoughts more often and more clearly. Now I knew she was definitely on the same boat. “When we started going out, I decided that I’d trust you. Everything we’ve done so far, I’ve loved. I love you, Oliver, I truly do. I didn’t want to dump all this crap on you like this, but having my silence hurt you and worry you for even a day longer is even worse. I don’t want you to treat me differently. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be delicate with me.” She grinned and squeezed my hand. “I want to be a dirty girl for you, and I’d like you to be a dirty boy with me. I want us to play and laugh as hard as we can, enjoying ourselves together to the fullest, without regrets.”

I couldn’t hold it back anymore. A few tears began to roll down my cheeks. The amount of trust Alice had in me was overwhelming, especially considering how hard it must’ve been for her to give even a smidge of it after what she went through. I didn’t feel like I’d done enough to earn it, either.

Alice giggled softly and wiped one of the tears away from my cheek with her thumb. “Sorry. I got carried away and told you what I want without asking you. So, Oliver? What about you? Do you still want to stay with me? What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be happy,” I told her. “You already make me happy, so I want to make you happy, too.”

Alice chuckled and shook her head in resignation. “Continue being yourself and won’t have to work very hard.” She leaned in and pecked my lips. “Me too. You already make me happy, so I want to make you happy, too.”

She kissed me. It started gently at first, but soon she slid her tongue inside my mouth. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her chest against me, now wordlessly getting her feelings across.

Cake jumped off the bed and sat on my chair, leaving the bed for Alice and I. My girlfriend and I made out on it for about twenty minutes, completely lost on each other and putting all of ourselves into proving the strength of our feelings to the other.

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