A first attempt

As Mitsuru was setting up my... birthday present, I took a moment to contemplate what was about to happen. It all happened pretty fast, in retrospect. I saw a black hole, Mitsuru told me a completely ridiculous story, gave me a bar of Latinum as some kind of evidence, and then Mitsuru told me I would have a lovesick Rangiku Matsumoto slaving over my every desire from the moment now until the end of time. My brain turned off when I heard that, but she was taking so long that I was starting to think about the logistics of the situation.

"So, Mitsuru..." I started, sitting on... some kind of machine behind her. She grunted in acknowledgement while she was fiddling with what I assumed was the probe she was sending to Rangiku. "What's actually going to end up happening here?"

"Well," She said, her focus mainly on the machine, "I send the probe on through to Rangiku's exact location, she reads the letter, sees a picture of you on it, and sits on the probe's seat while it sends its signal back to me, I activate the rift again and she rides it on through."

I looked at the probe she was configuring. It did indeed have a chair on it, as well as a little robot arm containing a sealed letter and a picture of me I don't remember taking. No doubt the result of Mitsuru's usual degree of privacy. But I also had more questions. "How do you know she'll be able to read it? How do you know where to send the probe?"

She looked over her shoulder at me, annoyed as if I should know the answer to this already, "There is an infinite number of everything that can and can't be conceived of in the multiverse. Just as there are infinite versions of us that are having this conversation, there are infinite versions of Rangiku that are currently painting her nails in her room spending her entire day fantasizing about exactly what's going to happen." It made sense, and oddly comforted me. Just as there were infinite Rangikus waiting to be summoned, there were infinite Mes summoning the... other ones. "Furthermore, the AI is set to automatically make them reproductively compatible with you, appear (unless specified otherwise) to be a human capable of existing in reality, and seek out versions of them in private places with enough time and curiosity at the moment to read the letter on the little machine that just came out of the hole in reality, among several other automatic scripts. Capable of speaking English, not carrying any airborne pathogens, immune to all known diseases, that sort of thing." That was good. I wasn't going to get an actual cartoon girlfriend. I was hoping to show a girl to my mom eventually. If Rangiku here resembled an actual human (hopefully an absurdly hot one), mom will likely approve.

Mitsuru seemed to be ready. "All set. Now we open the rift, wait a few minutes, and the probe should be ready to return with your blushing bride-to-be." She motioned to me to activate the controls, which was really a pre-set script and a big green button for me to push. When I did so, the atmosphere of the entire room changed. The rift seemed to wobble, and my eyesight along with it. I decided that trying to look directly at it was pointless, and that sating some kind of scientific curiosity wasn't worth it when I was about to have an absolute estrogen elemental fawning over me in a moment. There was no sound besides the whirring of the machines, and then Mitsuru's voice. "Shut it down now," she said loudly, but with no **** in her voice. I pushed the big red button, the machines quieted down, and the rift stabilized. I'm not going to get used to that. I tried to deduce if it had grown, but I couldn't tell.

Apparently Mitsuru did the same "No apparent change, certainly not as dramatic as last time. It went from the size of a sedan to a truck last time, if you were wondering." Nice of her to speak human for once. I had nothing to say in return, so I just nodded.

"So now we wait? And the probe will tell us when she's... sitting on it?" I asked, simultaneously trying to get my mind off of how woefully irresponsible this was as well as just get all my details right. Mitsuru nodded and smiled the way you would when a child finished a jigsaw puzzle.

We didn't have to wait long. The computer picked up that the probe had been activated. Mitsuru jumped into gear, operating the rift controls "Stand directly in front of the rift there, Jason," she said forcefully, which I obeyed. I had no idea why, but I figured she knew more than I did. "And brace yourself." Brace myself? For what?

The rift opened just as it had before, wobbles and machine sounds and all. And where there was no probe before, one had returned. And seated upon it was the woman of the day, who promptly stood and made eye contact with me. She was... well first of all she was definitely Rangiku. A Caucasian woman (actually at this moment I just realized I didn't know if she'd be white, as her design suggested, or Asian, as Bleach was an anime and you're kind of supposed to accept all anime girls are Asian until implied otherwise) with striking, flawless features. Cascading hair, a color somewhere between blond and ginger, big gray eyes, full lips, invisible pores. She wore a black robe, the name of which escaped me at the moment, and had a pink scarf lining the back of her neck and cascading down her body, accentuating her curves.

And curves there were. Rangiku has been considered peak woman by a lot of the internet for a very long time, and it was no secret why. A thin waist, tied with the usual sash on a Shinigami robe, wide hips with doubtless a bubble butt hidden from me at this angle, and long legs further hidden from me by her robe. But what was not hidden were her tits. Her cans. Her honkers. Awooga. Her gratuitous breast size with a chain necklace that fed into her cleavage was absurd. She was peak woman. The kind of which a guy unfollows all his other Instagram girls for, and the kind girls talk shit about online or cope that they must be implants.

Of course, I only had a moment to appreciate this before she leapt at me with the inhuman speed only a fictional character could conjure.

"HUBBY!!!!!!!"