10. Your youth group leader asking you to come over for coffee

“Hey Elise! I figure you’re home for the holidays, why don’t you come over to my place and we can catch up!”

Alex had known you since your teen years. He’d led youth group at church and he liked to check in even after his kids were no longer youths. You smile and happily agree to come over. It wouldn’t be your first time over at his place, he often hosted bible study there, and you know exactly where to go.

When you ring the doorbell of his townhouse, you don’t have to wait long for Alex to appear. The 30 something with sandy, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a welcoming smile quickly answers. He flashes his nearly perfect smile at you.

“Elise! Come on in! How have you been?”

“Good! Really good!”

You happily walk in and get settled in his living room area. He grabs water for both of you and sits across from you. You think for a fleeting moment about how handsome he is.

“So, how has college been treating you?”

“Good, I’m doing pretty well. I mean, it’s hard, I have to work pretty hard, but it’s good.”

“Getting out to any parties?” He gives you a conspiratorial wink.

You laugh, “No, haha. I have Chase to think about, you know? How would he feel if his girlfriend was dancing on a table at a frat party or whatever?”

“You and Chase are still an item?”

“Yeah, we’re making it work.”

“Good for you two.”

The silence hangs in the air for a moment. You look down at your water and remember what you’d thought about asking him earlier.

“Alex, can I ask you something?”

“Sure Elise, anything. Always.”

“So…” you wonder how to frame this without telling your youth group leader that you’d cheated on your boyfriend just this morning with his own parents, “... ok, so maybe Chase and I are talking about… stuff. And I was wondering about… well I was wondering about sex before marriage.”

“Oh. Sure. What were you wondering?”

“Well, like… are there things that don’t count?”

Alex regards you for a moment, “What kinds of things?”

“Like… like a blowjob for instance. Like I like Chase and it’s hard not to want to be intimate with him.”

“Well, Elise, the most important thing is that you don’t have sex before marriage. That’s really what matters.”

“But like what counts as sex?”

He pauses. “Well, I don’t think you have to worry about giving your boyfriend a blowjob. Men have needs after all.”

“What about…” you blush and let the question die in your mouth.

“What about what, Elise?”

“What about… your butt…”

Alex’s eyebrows rocket up his face. “Elise, has Chase broached anal with you?”

“No!” You blurt it out without thinking about how to dig yourself out of the truth. He hadn’t broached it, his parents had, but Alex couldn’t know that. “No, I mean… I mean it’s something I heard about from my roommate.”

“Well.” Alex takes a big sip of water. “Well… God wants us to protect ourselves so that our spouse is the first person to potentially procreate with us. That’s the thing that’s most holy about your wedding night, the chance of getting to produce a child. That’s not to say you should engage in something so dirty, but… well yeah.”

“So it’s ok?”

“I mean it’s not ok, but I suppose people do do it.”

You look up at Alex and see his face has gone red. “Have you done it?”

“What? Anal?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… That’s really a private question, Elise.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m just curious. My roommate has… has done like a lot of stuff.”

“I suppose… well, no my sex life is a private matter.”

You smile for a moment, “so you have.”