BAE Chapter 75

“I’ll take Janus,” Stephanie volunteers.

Kate shrugs. “I’ll tame the mean streets of Gotham. Singlehandedly. In one night.”

Lucius snorts.

“OK. Mr. Fox, you’ll want to step out for this next part,” Barbara says.

Lucius nods and leaves the room. Barbara stands up from her wheelchair and stretches, then huddles with Kate and Stephanie.

“OK,” she says quietly. “We going to talk about Riley Beaumont.”

“Right?” Kate bursts out.

“What?” Stephanie puts on a demure, modest expression. “You mean my impeccable undercover work?”

“I’m so mad. If anyone’s doing undercover work, it should be me,” Kate moans.

Barbara’s looking at Stephanie seriously.

“She’s really good at being attractive, right? It’s not just me?” Barbara asks anxiously.

“So good! Oh my god.” Stephanie fans her face with her hand. “It’s not just you. Yesterday you could not have convinced me that a woman could get me so, uh, excited.”

“Ready to switch sides?” Kate jabs her with an elbow.

“Ready to broaden my horizons,” Stephanie replies maturely.

“You’re so lucky. I didn’t get to go all the way with her.” Barbara sighs wistfully.

“Hey. Am I not enough for you?” Kate demands.

“I don’t have a penis anymore, Kate. We are not a thing,” Barbara reminds her.

“You think that makes me want you less?”

“Can you pretend to be professional?”

“No! I dress up like a bat!”

“She’s got a point,” Stephanie says.

Barbara takes off her glasses and rubs her face. “Stephanie, tell the story.”

“She took the bait. She was down to flirt. We met up. She took me home.” Stephanie pauses, blushing. “Gave me a very good night. A civilized morning that wasn’t awkward. Ten out of ten.”

“When something’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t,” Barbara reminds her.

“I guess. I can enjoy it, though.”

“I want details,” Kate says with a scowl.

“We made out. Went to the bedroom. I was on top. If I hadn’t **** her she’d have kept me up all night. It was still good. It’s weird. It’s exciting. Makes me feel like a teenager. It doesn’t hurt that she made me feel… you know.” Stephanie shrugs and pushes her hair back.

“And you’re going to join Hill’s campaign so you can stay on her?” Barbara asks seriously.

“Phrasing,” Kate says.

“I would like to stay on her. Yes,” Stephanie replies.

BAE

Hours later, Stephanie steps out of the elevator into the Cave. She jogs down the steps and across the long walkway as bats squeak and flutter above.

Kate is already in her suit, although she hasn’t put on her wig and ears yet. She stands beside Alfred at the Computer, where the screen is playing Gotham Insider. Stephanie joins them in time to see the logo fade and Barbara walking onto the stage, waving. The live audience is applauding. Barbara’s PR campaign is working.

“Please welcome Gotham’s own Barbara Gordon, known to some as the commissioner’s daughter and to others as the brightest rising star at Wayne Enterprises!” Summer stands, greeting Barbara with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh my gosh. Look at that. Did you see that? They had sex,” Kate says, irked.

“Of course they did. It’s in her notes.”

“I pisses me off. Everyone’s getting some but me.” Kate seethes.

Alfred politely stays focused on the TV.

“I thought you and her were doing it,” Stephanie says, pointing at Barbara on the screen.

“A little. I mean everyone’s getting more than me.”

“Take it out on some purse snatchers.”

“I will,” Kate mutters huffily.

“This is a little awkward,” Barbara admits, blushing prettily as she sits and crosses her legs. “As everyone knows already by now, I did go ahead and take Dr. Pamela Isley’s proposed antidote. And I was so excited to come on here and tell everyone how well it worked, but then I realized that this is TV.” She grins and looks at the camera. “Like, this is a family program. So you just have to take my word for it.”

The audience roars with laughter.

“And my word,” Summer adds. “I mean, I’m an adult.” She gestures at the convenient modesty shade that’s waiting tastefully behind their armchairs.

“Grr. Summer is so pretty,” Kate says.

Barbara twists to look at the shade. “I’m not exposing myself to Gotham’s most beautiful television personality,” she laughs. “That’s a good way to get canceled.”

“You really want the people of Gotham to have to trust your word on this?” Summer presses playfully.

“They’re going to have to. The Board of Wayne Enterprises has put their faith in me. Taken a chance on me. I’m not authorized to do anything so salacious.”

“You drive a hard bargain, Barbara Gordon. Are we satisfied with this?” Summer asks, turning to the camera.

The audience gives a clear “No!”

“I’m not getting naked on TV! Sorry, Gotham,” Barbara says firmly. “I mean, my dad is the commissioner! Is anyone thinking about his feelings right now? As though the whole topic of his daughter having a penis isn’t bad enough?”

“There’s nothing wrong with having a daughter with a penis,” Summer chides her.

“Oh my gosh.” Barbara turns bright red and rolls her eyes.

“Now, Ms. Gordon,” Summer says, putting on her reporter face. “I understand in your youth you were a noted gymnast. I have records of some prestigious wins.”

“Oh gosh. I did some gymnastics, yes.”

“So I ask you this: can you do a cartwheel?”

Barbara blinks a few times. She lays her hand on her chest. “Can I do a cartwheel?”

“Well, can you?”

“What does this have to do with public health and my role as an intern in Applied Sciences and Pharmaceuticals.”

“I just don’t see how the people of Gotham can trust someone who can’t do a cartwheel,” Summer says. “Naturally, if you were going to demonstrate for us, we would have to make sure that you had the proper attire.”

“Oh my gosh!” Barbara puts her face in her hands. “OK. I get it.”

“I think the commissioner won’t have any objections to seeing his daughter in a leotard on TV,” Summer says.

“No, he loves watching me compete,” Barbara says, giving the camera a look. “All right. Clever, Ms. Gleeson.”

“Call me Summer.”

It’s good television, and it isn’t just Summer. Barbara’s performance is solid. She has a lot of charisma. Stephanie was feeling proud of her undercover work, but Barbara is even better at it.

“All right,” Barbara says, getting to her feet. “I assume you have something for me?”

“We do. You hear that, Gotham? You’ll get to see Barbara Gordon do a cartwheel right after this break.”

Alfred mutes the feed as commercials start.

“I’d be a little nervous to have all of Gotham staring at my crotch,” Kate admits. “I hope she shaved her legs.” Stephanie feels the same way, although she hadn’t been planning to say something like that in front of Alfred. Summer’s solution to Barbara’s little problem is elegant, but inescapably awkward in that yes, everyone will be looking at Barbara’s groin in that leotard.

Barbara is a very brave woman.

“I think it’s time you were going, Ms. Kane,” Alfred says to Kate, looking meaningfully at his watch.

“I want to see Babs in a leotard,” Kate replies, indignant.

“I’ll record it for you,” Alfred says dryly.

“Thanks, Al.” Kate kisses his cheek and puts on her wig, striding away.

Alfred turns to Stephanie. “Ms. Brown. On the subject of attire. I’ve done as you asked.”

“Thank you, Alfred.”

They descend to the workshop, crossing a bridge that spans a dark abyss. Alfred opens a silver case, revealing a new costume in charcoal gray. The bat symbol on the chest is purple like the padded armor on the flanks. The half-mask that will cover Stephanie’s nose and mouth is gray, while the hood is purple. No pointy ears.

“Our new weave will stop any handgun round with a lead tip,” Alfred explains, showing her. “Your joints are ****. The throat is protected, and this will allow you to move your head. This costume has no head protection, Ms. Brown.”

“Noted.”

“The only question that remains is one of equipment. I know that you don’t like to carry too much weight. This is all standard.” He shows her a purple utility belt. “The rest is up to you.”

Stephanie turns to look at the weapon wall. Her old, collapsible bo staff is there. There’s also another of her favorites: a medium-weight nunchaku with an extendable batline connecting it. It can be used as normal nunchaku, or like a whip, or even as a batrope in a pinch. Stephanie likes the satisfying zipping noise that accompanies the line being extended.

The bo staff is more helpful one one-on-one, and this special nunchaku is more versatile.

Should Stephanie use the staff or the nunchaku?