ALICE Ch 9

Race day in Bahrain.

There will be attention on FUTA Racing because this is its debut, but Alice’s arrival is still relatively anonymous compared to those of people like Max, Lewis, and the Ferrari guys. It’s a little hard to disguise herself with a ball cap and sunglasses when the cap is FUTA branded and so is her top.

Alice spots Erica, chatting with Valtteri Bottas and Toto while several other reporters look on enviously. Blushing, Alice keeps going. She doesn’t mind being added to Erica’s no doubt very impressive collection of F1 drivers, it just didn’t happen the way she expected.

There’s a big press gaggle and some commotion at Williams Amazon Racing. Alice pauses to look.

It appears that Williams Amazon’s three new team principals have just revealed a new promotional banner. It appears to be the backsides of the Williams sisters wearing matching, team-branded bikini bottoms.

It’s the sort of picture that Alice is quite keen to see, at least in private, but in context, she’s appalled. Several of the reporters appear to be likewise staggered by it.

“We wanted something tasteful,” Jeremy Clarkson says, gesturing toward it.

“You see, the perspective from the rear signifies speed. It implies that they’ll be out in front,” James May explains. “It’s really quite a nuanced and layered commentary on our plans for the season and our confidence in our drivers.”

Richard Hammond stands nearby, wearing an expression similar to Alice’s.

“Is this real?” he asks shakily.

“Hammond! Don’t be an idiot. Course it’s real,” Clarkson replies, giving the banner a smack. “How dare you imply that our drivers would receive cosmetic surgery. People like you should be shot.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Hammond drags his hand over his face in horror. They must not have consulted him before they made this butt-worshiping, woman-objectifying, insulting-on-every-level image and then put it on everything from the team busses to the crew jackets. “When did you do this?”

“You were drunk,” May says dismissively. “Besides, you wouldn’t have agreed with it anyway. Hardly in keeping with your brand of regressive politics.”

“Yes, it’s quite woman-forward. Literally. Because we’re behind them,” Clarkson says sagely. He looks thoughtful, then clasps his hands together and looks back and forth between May and Hammond. “In fact, I believe what we’ve done here might be… a feminism.”

Alice hurriedly moves on. Glynda’s intense, but Alice would rather drive for her than for those three. On the other hand, those three would be easier to disappoint. Not that Alice is out to disappoint anyone. Today’s already productive. Williams Amazon Racing has reminded her to have gratitude, seeing Erica has reminded her to be humble, and she’s learned that the Woodcock sisters look good in bikinis.

What Williams Amazon is doing isn’t really a surprise. The branding is trending that way, and FUTA’s behind it. Not FUTA Racing, but FUTA itself. Alice’s contract is full of provisions and nudity clauses and stuff because it probably won’t be long before she’s the one in a bikini in front of a camera.

She forces a smile and makes her way into FUTA Racing HQ.