'Cause the IRS is coming and they're brimming for a fight

“Haaaaah… that was perfection…”

Kim was only 20 years old, but in those years she’d experienced a lot of stress and lived a life where enjoyment and relaxation was hard to come by. Even here, on an island paradise, there was the stress of potentially getting transformed into a bimbo or getting your past rewritten or one of a hundred other possible dangers, not to mention potential elimination. And that wasn’t even getting started on Kim herself, who had to work an actual job a few hours each day while her fellow competitors got to relax, and had to exert herself with a workout every other day.

A dip in the hot springs was nice, but a massage? Damn. Nick might have been out of practice, but it sure didn’t show with all the good his hands did for her.

“I may have to make this a regular thing,” Kim smiled, winking at him. “I hope you don’t think I’ll mind you getting your hands on me in the future.”

“Hey, don’t say it like that,” Nick protested. “You’re making it weird!”

“Why would that make it weird?” Kim asked, sitting up and batting her eyelashes at Nick. She’d never been one for the flirting thing; in her time spent chatting up Nick in the real world, there had always been the barrier of a checkout lane between them. But after a massage like that, she felt all nice and loose and relaxed like she’d never been before.

Nick glanced away, not wanting to seem like he was ogling her. “…You know why.”

“Because I’m half-naked? You think I care about something like that?” Kim snorted. She was only half-lying. Truthfully she did care a bit; she wanted to look her best for him, after all, and they WERE just starting out with whatever this strange relationship was. But at the same time, after all the stuff they’d done together, preserving her modesty didn’t feel like as big of a deal.

Maybe the last few weeks of working in her lingerie had finally started to get to her. That was a frightening thought.

“I told you before, remember? I’m going to be a little bit better about getting into things,” Kim said, hopping off the ottoman and walking over to the table, which Holly had set for two. Now that her body had stopped being a mass of aches and pains, she could finally start enjoying things again, like the scrumptious feast set out before her. “Like this dinner over here.”

She cocked back her head and flashed Nick one of her killer smiles. “Care to join me? I think my personal trainer might have something to say about it if I devoured this feast myself.”

“No need to worry about that!” Holly chirped. “I prepared your dinner to account for proper proteins and nutrients, to make sure you can have a balanced meal!”

“Good,” Kim said, patting her stomach. She might have just been imagining it, but it looked and felt like she was already getting thinner. “The only thing I’ve had to eat today was a banana, I’m starving!”

Nick followed her to the table and sat down across from her. He wasn’t that hungry, but everything looked and smelled so good. He took a bite and his eyes bugged out.

“This is delicious, Holly! I love it! You really outdid yourself with this one!” Nick was overflowing with praise, and Holly squirmed with delight. She might have enjoyed being degraded on occasion (always) but getting praised for doing good still make her feel all warm and floaty inside.

“I’m so glad you like it!” Holly gushed. “I actually borrowed a few recipes from Mary when she came over this morning!”

Nick froze, and Kim tensed. The relief of her massage had almost made her forget, but Nick’s date with Mary had not gone well tonight. And the way the shadow crept across his face was a dead giveaway signaling Holly’s faux pas.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Holly asked, going pale. She started to panic when she sensed Nick’s mood souring. “Was it something I said?”

“His date with Mary…” Kim mumbled. “It didn’t go well, did it?”

Nick looked at her in surprise and she averted her eyes. “Sorry… Sylvia told me. I was going to leave it alone if you didn’t want to talk about it, but…”

“No, it’s fine,” Nick cut her off, shaking his head. “It’s just… complicated.”

Kim winced. “She proposed, didn’t she?”

“And you said no?!” Holly exclaimed, her jaw dropping. “But master! It’s Mary! Why wouldn’t you want to marry her?!”

“No, it’s not-!” Nick felt like he was backed into a corner by the two women. “She didn’t propose, it’s just… it’s complicated, okay?”

Holly’s old fire was quickly returning. She forgot her place as Nick’s sex ****, and her emotions seized her as she stormed around the table.

“Why is it complicated, huh? You love her, don’t you?!”

“Of course I do!” Nick protested. “But that’s not enough! Just because I love her, that doesn’t mean I can marry her!”

Kim watched from the sidelines as she contemplated the situation. She may not have been an expert when it came to stuff like this, but one thing she knew was that they weren’t going to get anywhere with Holly attacking him.

“Holly, can I handle this?” She asked.

Holly scowled but nodded her head. “Yeah, sure, fine, whatever,” she grumbled. “Maybe you can get him to see reason…”

“Holly…” Nick’s heart stung seeing her like that. He was so used to her being happy all the time, but seeing her upset just brought back painful memories.

“Nick…” Kim drew his attention with a crack in her voice. She was saddened by the news too. “Can you be more clear about what the issue is? I’m trying to understand.”

Nick sighed. “I wish I knew the issue,” he said. “I really do. But I just don’t know what to do. Mary… she wants to get married. I know that, I’ve always known that. And I love her, I really do, but…”

“You love her? How do you know that?” Kim asked sharply, cutting to the heart of the matter.

“Wh-what?” Nick stammered, taken aback by the forcefulness in her voice.

“When my mom was in high school, a piece of shit told her that he loved her, too. And who knows, maybe he thought he did. And then they got married, because, well, if you’re young and in love, that’s what you do, right?” Her voice carried so much venom Nick couldn’t even speak.

“But whatever love he might have felt for her, it was superficial and shallow. He left her all alone with a house full of kids that she couldn’t care for.” Kim narrowed her eyes into slits and glared across the table. “So tell me, Nick, is that the kind of ‘love’ you have for Mary? Because we both know the kind of woman she is. She wants a family. She wants you to be the father of her children. And if you’re not ready for that, if you don’t have it in you to be a father right now, then no, you DON’T love Mary. Not the way she loves you.”

Kim’s words cut him like a knife. And she knew it would, too. She didn’t know if Nick was ready to be a father or not, or if he was ready to get married. But if he hadn’t even contemplated those thoughts, if he hadn’t considered that issue for himself? Then the answer was definitely no. And that issue needed to be settled before they could even come CLOSE to trying to fix the problem of his relationship with Mary.

Judging by the pained look on his face, he was considering it now, at least.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “I love Mary, but the fact of the matter is, I’ve only just met her again, haven’t I? It’s been what, three weeks? Or a month, I guess, depending on how we track things here. And what’s happened in that time? Mary went from hating me to practically urging to propose to me. You’re right, Kim, it’s too soon.”

Holly was apoplectic. She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t, because Kim had told her not to. Kim was a member of Nick’s harem and she wasn’t, so Holly needed to respect her wishes, even if it was exactly the opposite of what she wanted.

“I didn’t say it was too soon though,” Kim said, shaking her head.

“Huh?” Nick stared at her in confusion. What was she trying to convince him of, then? If this wasn’t about him not being ready, then what was it?

“Don’t listen to me,” Kim said, confusing him even further. “I’m just sharing my side of things. I didn’t say ‘it’s too soon’ because I don’t know if it is or not. That’s something YOU have to decide. YOU need to make that decision for yourself whether it’s too soon in your relationship or not to get married. But if you just latch onto what I said and convince yourself ‘I can’t get married to her, like Kim said, it’s too early’ then you’re insulting Mary’s feelings, and you’re insulting your own.”

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “And you’re turning me into the bad guy, the reason why you two can’t be happy together.”

“Then… what should I do?” Nick asked. “How do I fix this?”

Kim scowled. “How am I supposed to know? I’m not even old enough to drink! I’ve never been in a serious relationship before! Not to mention that we’re on this stupid Harem Hotel show, everything’s fucked up! I. Don’t. Know. Okay?!”

She didn’t expect to get so heated. Her own emotions were in a bit of a tizzy. Was she really that upset about this? Why?

Then she figured out the reason and got a little sick to her stomach.

“…Forget what I said before,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“Huh?!”

“That stuff I said before… I was imprinting a vision of my… of that scumbag piece of shit onto you. And that was wrong.” Kim’s face softened. “Even if you’re not ready… I know you wouldn’t just abandon Mary. You’re not that kind of guy, Nick. I’m sorry.”

“Kim, if I had a child with Mary, or anyone, then I wouldn’t abandon them,” Nick confirmed. “I would try my best to be there for the child, even if… even if I couldn’t marry their mother. I wouldn’t do something like that.”

He had seen what a father abandoning their child looked like. He remembered all the times he held Dakota in the night while she cried. He would never do that to someone.

“I know,” Kim nodded. “There’s that, at least. But… we still need to figure out what to do, huh? You and Mary… I can’t say if it’s too soon or not. Everyone’s different. I know that I’m not ready to get married… I won’t be for a while. And if I’m being honest? I don’t even know if I want it to be you or not.”

“Ow,” Nick winced, chuckling a little. Kim shared in the laugh herself and smiled.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely the only man in the running right now,” she assured him. “But life is long, you know? And I might not even be in your final harem. We might go our separate ways after this island and never see each other again.”

The thought of that made her eyes mist up but she pushed those feelings away.

“What’s important now, though, is that you make a decision yourself,” she urged him. “Are you ready to get married? Ignore me, ignore Holly, ignore all the other girls. Do you think you’re ready?”

Nick closed his eyes and pictured Mary’s smiling face. He envisioned seeing that smile every morning when he woke up, and every night before they went to sleep. He pictured them living together in a nice house in the suburbs, going on picnic lunches on the weekends with a couple of kids, grilling out on the patio and splashing around in the pool. The kind of future he’d always wanted to have when he was younger, but had given up on as everything in his life collapsed.

Was Mary the person he wanted to share that future with?

No matter how hard he tried to escape it, that smile remained frozen in his mind.

“I… do want to marry her,” he finally admitted.

“THEN DO IT!” Holly had finally had enough. She couldn’t hold back anymore, and it all came pouring out. “Just marry her! Come on, do it! If you both want to get married, then what’s stopping you?!”

“Because it’s not that simple!” Nick protested.

“He’s right, Holly, it’s not that simple,” Kim agreed. “For one thing, neither one of them has a steady source of income. You think that Nick’s one book is enough to support the kind of family Mary wants to have? We need to think of logistics here. How many kids does she want, anyway? Because with that transformation of hers, it’s a lot more than one or two. With the state of the economy right now-”

“Okay, that is NOT what I meant,” Nick said, cutting her off. This was getting way to real. “We’re not talking about finances here!”

“Well, maybe we should be,” Kim bluntly replied. “You and Mary both want to get married and have that nice perfect suburban bliss, but you’re a couple of English majors with no work experience and no marketable skills! Have you even written anything in the last few years? Even if you wrote another book, there’s no telling if it will sell as much as the first one. Supporting a family-”

“We’re not even there yet! Geez!” This was getting way off track, but Nick couldn’t even get a word in edgewise at this point.

Kim narrowed her eyes. “I thought you said you were serious about this?” She scowled. “Sorry, but that isn’t exactly a convincing statement when you haven’t even thought out the logistics about what starting a family will entail.”

“That’s fine, I can support them!” Holly cut in, startling them both.

“What?!” Nick sputtered.

“I make a decent enough wage at my job at the post!” Holly explained. “I just got a raise for one of my articles, in fact! So you two can just sit back and make babies, and I’ll work my hardest to take care of you guys!”

Kim leaned forward, considering that possibility. “Okay, but then you have to factor in your own living expenses too,” she pointed out. “If you’re going to be joining their family unit that’ll be another mouth they have to feed. You might be able to support them at first, but long-term…”

“Arrgh, yeah! And then if I’m working I won’t be able to assist master in the bedroom!” Holly groaned, slapping her forehead. “This is a huge mess!”

“Okay, I think that’s enough here!” Nick exclaimed, standing up from the table. Both women turned to him, surprised.

“What? We’re just trying to figure out how this is going to work,” Kim said. “When it comes to financial planning-”

“Money isn’t the problem!” Nick asserted.

“Well, it is when you don’t have any.”

“…Okay, yes, but that’s not what my hesitation is about!” Nick shook his head. “What about the other girls?”

Holly gave him a blank stare. “What about them?”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Nick said, rolling his eyes. “You know exactly what I mean. You think everyone is just going to be happy with me marrying Mary?! This stupid show is called ‘Harem’ Hotel, you realize that? What about Dakota? Or Dawn? Or Rose? Or even Gina and Carly? You think they’re going to be happy with me getting married? Of course not!”

“Well, someone sure has a high opinion of themselves,” Kim smirked. “Maybe they’ll just be happy for you two.”

Nick stared at her. “You can’t really believe that.”

“I say we try it my way, then,” Holly piped up. “Just get married to all of them.”

“You can’t just do that, Holly,” Nick groaned.

“Why not?” Kim asked curiously.

“Because… you know! There are laws against it! And taxes and stuff!” Nick stammered. “You can only get married to one person!”

“Okay, but that’s just, like, on paper, right?” Holly pointed out. “There are tons of people who get ‘married’ in a religious ceremony to multiple people at once”

“She’s right,” Kim confirmed with a nod. “Polygamy might be outlawed, but when I was working the county clerk’s office filing forms, I got a pretty good sense of how marriage law works. A lot of those families only declare one ‘lawful’ wife for tax purposes, even if they are ‘married’ to multiple people, make sense?”

No, that didn’t make sense at all. And in spite of how half-hearted his protest was, Nick still wasn’t on board with this idea, and he doubted the other women would be either.

“But you’re not taking their emotions into consideration,” he replied. “Kim, you said it yourself, you might not want to get married to me. But you still have feelings for me, right?”

He was so flustered he didn’t even consider the embarrassing nature of that question. Fortunately it didn’t seem to bother Kim in the slightest.

“That’s right,” she nodded. “I do have feelings for you. And if I’m being honest… the thought of you marrying Mary… a part of it does kind of sting,” she admitted.

Nick felt vindicated. Which was an odd feeling when combined with how awful he felt about making her sad. “There, you see? Now imagine how the other girls might feel?”

“They probably wouldn’t be happy either,” Kim had to admit. “But this problem was always going to arise one way or another. You’ve been treating everyone as best you can, and trying to consider everyone’s feelings for you. And that’s great, Nick, I love that about you, but it’s like you said to me, right? At some point, you have to start thinking about what’s good for you.”

Having his own words flung back in his face kind of stunk.

“A lot of girls have feelings for you,” Kim continued. “And eventually marriage was going to be something to consider. You might have been trying to avoid that, but you always knew it was true, didn’t you?”

Nick nodded glumly. That was part of the reason he’d remained isolated in his room for so long. Up there, alone, he could pretend that everyone was equal, but he was just maintaining a holding pattern.

“Eventually someone was going to push up against those barriers,” Kim pointed out. “And now here we are. So… what do we do?”

Nick shook his head. “I really don’t know. I love Mary, but… I love the others too. And marriage, that’s…”

Holly placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I think you know,” she said quietly. “I just don’t think you’re ready to accept that it’s the best choice for all parties involved.”

Nick sighed. “You mean your polygamy idea?”

“That’s what you both want, right?” Holly asked. “To get married. If you’re afraid that marrying one girl will mess up your relationships with the others, then don’t let it. Just marry everyone. Then you can all be happy together.”

“He’d probably need a bigger house though,” Kim pointed out. “When it comes to handling multiple partners, and if they all had children… hmm. This is complicated. I’ll have to do some calculations on it.”

“Don’t forget that some girls like Gina wouldn’t want to get jobs,” Holly pointed out. “It wouldn’t be fair for the working ones to have to support the non-working ones.”

“Yeah, no way am I getting in on this if I’d be the one picking up the check,” Kim agreed. “Although… huh. Now that I think about it, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, living with everyone together?”

She’d always been one for romance, but she was also a realist. Given the nature of the show, it was unlikely that anybody here would live a happily ever after alone with Nick. This would be the greatest good for the greatest number of people, and…

“Wait, I’m an idiot!” Holly slapped her forehead. “The wish, of course! Whoever wins the game just has to use their wish to get enough money to support everybody!”

“It’s not that simple,” Kim pointed out. “There would need to be some way to write that off for tax purposes. That’s why I was thinking that if I won, I’d have to come up with some sort of method to explain the money. Otherwise we might be under criminal indictment.”

“You don’t think Sylvia would have a way out for that?” Holly wondered, tapping her chin. “There’s no way she’d just give you a big sack of cash only for the government to take most of it…”

“This is Sylvia we’re talking about,” Kim pointed out. “Do you think she even knows how taxes work?”

“Ah, good point…”

Nick watched incredulously as two women he cared about debated the practicality of bringing his harem to the real world, and wondered how the hell things had gotten this messed up in the first place.