Inspiration.

When I got home, the only one there to welcome me was Cake. She meowed at me like the talkative cat she was. I kneeled down and started scratching her head and neck. Cake purred and nuzzled into my hand.

“You wouldn’t believe the day I had,” I told her. “Would you believe me if I told you there are five girls who like me? I wouldn’t.”

I played with Cake absentmindedly for a while, my thoughts firmly set on the kiss I’d shared with Noelle and the kiss I’d shared with Alice that Saturday night. I could only hope Mila, Grace and Sarah wouldn’t suddenly decide to pull back their approval of all this. I was already in too deep to want to let go of any of them.

A short buzz notified me of a message to my phone. I checked it while I continued to wiggle one of Cake’s toys for her.

-Alice: Noelle called me. Are you free to talk right now?

Instead of replying, I gave her a call. She answered after the second beep.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hey. It was okay for me to call, right?”

She giggled. “Yes.”

“So… Noelle told me you two talked already.”

“Yeah.” I heard her swallow. “Let’s say I… didn’t want to let too much time pass before I did.”

Her bashful tone lit a teasing spark in me, and I couldn’t resist. “Oh? And why’s that?”

“...Because there’s a certain something I want to continue doing with a certain someone.” Man, hearing it was something else. My heart skipped a beat at it. “But before that… I hear it went well with her.”

“It was… strange. What did she tell you?”

Alice laughed. “She apologized for getting ahead of me and asking you out. I didn’t know she had it in her.”

“Apparently she thought I was friendzoning her, which is why she asked me.”

“Is that so? Hmm. I think I can understand the logic a bit. So this means… you two are technically going out now, right?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes. And she accepted my… situation.”

“You have to treat her well, you hear?”

“Loud and clear, ma’am.”

“And… You and I. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“...No chance we can meet now?” I asked, hopeful.

“Sorry. I’m at the workshop.” She sounded genuinely disappointed. “I promised my brother I’d help him with a troublesome car. I’d get out of it if I could, but he’s counting on me being here.”

Bummer, but no use making it worse by crying about it. “Troublesome? How so?” I asked instead.

“There’s this guy who wants to install a turbo, but if we do that as the car is now, it’ll explode after two minutes, so we have to change plenty of other parts.”

“And is it a pain or are you looking forward to it?”

She giggled. “The latter. Seems like a fun project, and I’m getting a new set of tires out of it.”

“Sounds like you’re only winning.”

“Not gonna lie, I am. Things are going surprisingly well for me lately.”

“Lucky you.”

“Shut up. You have it even better.”

We laughed together. Even if I couldn’t see her today, hearing her voice was still good.

“Sorry, I have to go now,” she said. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“What time?”

“Would first thing in the morning be too early?”

“No. I’m always early at school.”

“Come to the student council office, then. Don’t worry, we’ll be alone.”

“Okay. Have fun, Alice.”

“I will.”

We hung up, and in the sudden silence, I couldn’t help but contemplate my situation. It was an odd feeling. If you asked me which girl I liked the most, I wouldn’t be able to answer. I liked them all. However, as I talked to Alice… I felt like I liked her the most. When I was kissing Noelle, I felt like I liked her the most. When I was with Grace, I felt like there was no way I could love anyone as much as I loved her, but then being with Sarah and Mila made me feel exactly the same. Was this a good or a bad thing?

I felt a familiar itch in my fingertips and heard a vague melody in my head. These thoughts were giving me ideas, and I couldn’t let them sit and be forgotten. I abruptly stopped playing with Cake and went to my room. The cat followed me and watched me pick up my guitar, plug it to the amp and begin playing.

Seemingly random notes played as arpeggios slowly began to make sense, to have some coherence. This wasn’t a song from a game, or from a band. It wasn’t something you could call a song, even. It was… stream of consciousness in musical form. I played the notes that sounded right, and… I liked it. Not sure if it sounded good, but it sounded right. It was quick, melodic, with an emphasis on lower notes.

You couldn’t have stopped me from smiling if you tried. To know in an instant the next note I wanted to play… It was the first time I’d ever felt it. Some parts didn’t match, some notes didn’t mix well, and I screwed up in the arpeggio a couple times, but none of it mattered. I wasn’t writing a song, but… putting feelings into music. It was wild.

That was the moment I reached a breakthrough as a guitarist. Music wasn’t just learning a set of notes and playing them at a specific rhythm. It wasn’t about memorization. That was what I did when I played songs that already existed, but doing this made me aware of how much emotions and mood played a part in making music. This was what inspiration felt like, and it was addicting.

Cake sat lay on my bed next to me, curled on herself as she listened to me play without pause. My arpeggios had never been so smooth. I was in a state of flow, where everything felt right.

When I finally stopped playing, I didn’t stand up or do anything else. I simply stayed there, sitting on my bed, taking in all the sounds I’d just made.

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