Beaten and Broken

There she was again. Lilith.

Stood in the endless black emptiness that surrounded us, split only by a pillar of light reaching upwards to the heavens. She was stood facing me now, a single tear gleaming like a diamond on her ethereal features.

I reached a hand out to her, wanting to do anything that was in my power to soothe her, to wipe the tear away. It was then that I noticed I had my arm attached to my body again, the limb that had been torn and chewed up by the hydra was right there, stretching out towards Lilith.

“Oh, my boy. What have they done to you” her voice sang as she came towards me, almost gliding across the darkness. She reached a hand out to my outstretched arm and it passed through it.

It was a strange sensation as I looked down and still saw the limb, though her hand was sticking into it as though it were a mirage. I felt the cool touch of her hand caressing an invisible stump. I could feel the arm, it was held out in front of me and as I willed it my fingers moved as they always had done. Yet, at the same time, I could feel a stump. The remnants of an arm lost to the dangers of the world.

“What…” I murmured, “What… my arm” I stammered, my heart racing as images of the combat surfaced in my thoughts.

She shook her head, the shining tear dropping down her cheek and flashing in the light as it dropped into the darkness that we stood atop. “No Aucus, your arm is lost” she said, another tear flowing from her eye. “Your mind is conflicted; it cannot simply let go of something that was a piece of you for so long”

I stared at where her hand would be and my arm flashed for an instant, disappearing, and reappearing as I saw her fingers stroking my dismemberment.

“I am sorry, my child.” She sounded genuinely remorseful, as though it were her who had been the cause of my injury and not a hydra, not Zarin. “All that you have been **** to endure, your hardships, your tribulations…” she paused in a deep state of thought.

“I cannot promise that they will end, that they will be resolved, and your life will return to the bliss that it once was. No.” she shook her head. “But I can promise you one thing. Your tapestry that has been fated for you long ago will soon come to an end. The pains that were once certain will become choices, things for you to change and manipulate. You will be free of this web of suffering that they have wrought, free to change it, free to break it” Passion rose in her voice as she spoke, the tears halting as the fire in her eyes dried them up.

“What does that even mean?” I said exasperated now, anymore and I was sure that I would break. “You said that you could only see my future to a certain point. For all you know, this end could be my ****. Look at my arm!” I shouted that last part as the limb flashed, disappearing, and reappearing once more.

Her jaw moved, those golden eyes settling with resolve. “No.” she answered firmly. “No, I won’t let that happen to you. I know that you have what it takes to survive the course that they laid out for you, I feel your strength, your resolve. It is a glorious thing.” She smiled at me and moved her hand from my stump of an arm to my chest; to my heart.

“I can feel how close you are now. How near we are to change, real change” her lips twisted in a wry smile. “We will both have our vengeance, the wrongs that have been wrought on us will be set right.” The silence of the abyss stretched between us as he lips stopped for what seemed a long while. “I hope there will come a time where you can lay down your sword, where all can. I was not made for this fight, but it is what has been thrust upon me. I will protect you Aucus”

I nodded my head, my own tears starting to flow from her words. I wanted to rest into her arms, to lay my head on her shoulder and simply be held. “Lilith…” I started to say and then light filled my vision.

I woke, weighed down by a mass of blankets, glancing around I saw stone walls with light pouring in through the window slits. Looking at the furnishings and decoration, I realised that I must have been taken back to the fortress.

I sat up in the bed, my cheeks wet with tears. My heart raced for a moment, and I turned my head to look at my arm. It was gone. In its place were a padding of bandages, seeped in red and covered over the end of my shoulder.

I stared at it and tried to move my arm, still _feeling _it in a way, even though there was nothing there. I tried to move my hand and felt a twitching in my shoulder as the muscles tried to work in the way they had been used to. Of course, nothing happened.

A fresh tear rolled down my cheek. I had lost my sword arm, I was useless. I couldn’t continue being an adventurer like this, a cripple. Perhaps I would be able to use my abilities through my other arm, maybe even learn to use a sword with it in time, but I knew that I would never be the same. I would never be as capable as I was, as powerful as I could have become given more time.

I heard a noise and looked across the room towards it. Through my bleary eyes, I saw a person seated in a chair, watching over me, their head topped by a fiery mop of red hair. “Elsie?” I murmured. I tried to rub my eyes and clear then but when nothing happened, I remembered and used my left arm.

A fresh river of tears dripped from my eyes as I looked at her, the girl I had known since I was a child. The sight of her reminded me of the life that I once had, of a life that could have been, one with both my arms.

She looked aged since I had last spoken with her in my mothers house. Her eyes had a sadness to them, the mouth that was always stretched into a smile lay flat and unmoving, the aura of joy and happiness that seemed to have radiated from her had evaporated, replaced by a coldness. “Elsie…” I murmured again, “are you okay?”

Her expression shattered and she joined me in my crying, sobs shaking her body as she buried her head into her hands and shook it.

I wanted to comfort her, but I knew that I couldn’t move. My body was too weak, and she was too distant. I knew what she was feeling though, Zarin had a way of making everyone he infected feel that same darkness. “Why-“ I started to say and winced as a pain shot up from my wound. “Why, don’t you just get away from him Elsie? I’m sure something can be done for you, we both know some powerful adventurers, maybe I can speak to Prince Orsat about helping you” I tried, thinking of anything I could do to help her.

I don’t know what I thought, maybe that she would be grateful for the offer of help, or that she might even accept it and we could plan what we could do when she was free. I didn’t expect that she would get angry. A fire as bright as her hair flared in her eyes as she snapped at me, “No Aucus. I’m a **** now, or did you forget” she waved the bear tattoo that was her brand, that held her in servitude to the Mottens. “You think I wouldn’t leave if I could? You think I choose to suffer through his torments” she shook her head.

“You’re a fool Aucus. The Prince? Adventurers? They’re the ones that allowed this slavery in the first place, the ones that uphold the system that binds me in chains. Why would you think they would do anything to harm the balance of power that they sit so comfortably atop” she snorted her derision at me.

“Elsie, I only mean that-“ she cut me off again before I could try to calm her.

“Why can’t you just accept this?” she said, holding up her hands in exasperation, “You’re not the one that has to suffer through him. Sure he tried to be kind to me in the beginning, he tried to make me like him, and I did for a while. Goddesses know that he can be charming. Then I saw him, he grew frustrated when I pulled back, and I saw what he was really like. Do you know what he did to Kira?”

I nodded my head, remembering the awful things that she had told me that night in my room. I sat in silence, hoping that maybe her fire would burn out and we could talk.

“Well, don’t think that she was the only one that he liked.” She spat the word. “I don’t want you trying to save me Aucus, I’m not going to be your excuse to get yourself killed.” She looked at me pointedly, her arms clutching her body. “Kira’s with him now, wearing my face so that I can be here. If he tries to use this to hurt me and nothing happens, he’ll hurt her. That’s what he’s like” she thrusted the tattoo towards my face again. “He’s used it before, sometimes just to see me in pain. You think that a one-armed village boy can do anything about it? Just stop trying Aucus”

I shook my head at her. “No” I said calmly. “No Elsie, you’re my friend and I’m not just going to stop caring for you. I’m not going to leave you to be Zarin’s plaything until he gets bored and kills you” my gut wrenched as the picture flashed in my mind.

She shook her head, as though I hadn’t listened to a thing she had said. “Just stop Aucus. Maybe I have a plan to get away from him, maybe I’m not some meek girl that will stand there as he thrusts his sword into me” her hand clutched at the wrist where she was branded. “Maybe I already know what I’m going to do” she mumbled in a hushed tone.

She glanced back up at me, at my frail body, battered and bruised from the fury of the hydra. “You’re injured Aucus, there’s nothing you can do with one arm. Just go back to Alynthir, I can look after myself” she stood up from the chair and walked towards the door.

She looked back at me as she opened the door. I opened my mouth to say something, to ask her to stay. She closed the door behind her.

I cried. She was right, I knew it. There was nothing I could do; my arm was gone, and I was useless. I probably should go back to Alynthir. Except for one thing. A part of me still screamed at me to go to the shadow gates, to cross that threshold and see what waits on the other side.

I was thinking about the shadow gates and the devils within as my eyes closed and I drifted back to sleep.

The next time I rose from my rest was when the door opened, and my friends came through. “I heard you were awake. How are you feeling?” Sara asked as she crouched at the side of my bed, looking at my crimson bandages with her pained features.

I nodded my head, sitting back up again. “I think so, all things considered” I said and justled my shoulder to show what I meant.

Korin nodded his head, “Aye lad, that hydra was an armful” he said, keeping a solemn expression as he seated himself in the chair.

Cleo shot him a glare at his choice of words, though I couldn’t help but smile, Korin would never change. “I think what he means to say is that we’re glad you’re alive” she said, crouching down with Sara. “I just wish there was more that we could have done for…” she trailed off as her fingers probed at my bandages.

I nodded my head, “it’s… it’ll be okay” I wasn’t sure how much I believed my own words, but it was clear they didn’t sway the girls.

“What are we going to do now?” Sara asked, “I mean, you can’t fight like this. Not yet anyway”

I looked at her, trying to summon as much determination as I could to my voice. “We’re going to go to the shadow gates and finish the contract”

They all looked at me in silence for a moment, probably wondering if I had gone mad. Korin slid down from his seat and clapped his hands together, “Ay, well I’d better sharpen my axe then” he said, accepting my decision as easily as that.

A tear gleamed in Sara’s eye as she **** herself to nod. I knew that she was worried about me, they all were probably, but we always knew that being an adventurer was dangerous. “Okay” she said, patting my chest. “The Lord Commandant wanted us to give you this” she said as she handed a bronze ring to me.

It was a strange design, featuring a shield made of brick and marked with a K, “he said it marks a defender of Karatir, and wanted you to have it for your sacrifice. He also said that he sent a promissory note to one of the banks in Alynthir to pay us for the job, we can collect it when we go back.”

I nodded my head and took the ring, playing with it in my only hand before sliding it onto my finger. “Give him my thanks” I said, feeling tired again. My body was still weak from all the blood that I had lost in the catacombs.

She nodded as they stood back up, “We’ll let you get some more rest” Sara leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “I hope you get better” she said as they turned to leave, and I feel asleep once more.