IR - Future Part 5

“Well,” Lara says, looking at Aki and Sun again as though to check with them. “I believe they’re quite serious about these things here.”

“What?”

“The Swedes. I don’t think it’s like, er, paying for sex like you would um, with a you know. I think when the Swedes do this they really want the sadomasochist bit,” Lara says.

You aren’t sure that you fully understand.

“And what do you mean me? Aren’t you guys coming too?” you ask.

Sun and Aki exchange a look, then spiritedly shake their heads.

“Course not,” Lara says, patting your leg. “It’s all yours, love. We’ve had it done specially for you. Told them you’re a footballer and everything. It’ll be magical.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Even he can’t save you from a Swedish dominatrix,” Lara predicts. “At least, I assume she’ll be eight feet tall with thirty-centimeter biceps and a willie bigger than Adella’s. And a whip,” she adds, making Sun snort.

“What the fuck,” you say, rubbing your face. “Are you guys pranking me?”

“No,” Lara assures you, rubbing your back. “Not a bit. Sorry. But you understand, don’t you? Once we found out this was a thing, we couldn’t not do it. Could we? Would you?”

You consider that for a moment. Yes. Yes, you would absolutely send Lara into a sex dungeon because it would be funny. You sigh. It’s hard to be mad at them.

Still. You look at them in disappointment. “But what’s the point if I’m not going to see you guys?”

“Oh, we’ll still go to the pub after,” Lara assures you. “You’ll need to medicate the trauma of spending the weekend with Fru Satan.”

“Fru Satan?”

“That’s her name. Your new mummy.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You glare at Aki. She should’ve been the voice of reason in all this. She looks at her phone. “Can we cancel this and do something fun?”

“Pussy,” Lara says. “And it was expensive. Quite expensive. Because we made it especially for you. Or they did. We just told them that you’re a footballer. We didn’t tell them that you’re a coward.”

You twitch.

“You’re about to marry into a Swedish family! Besides. Fru Satan will get you ready for your mum-in-law,” Lara goes on.

Well… she has a point there. You have met Ingrid’s mother. Once. You shudder.

They’ve got you. You can’t look like a coward in front of your teammates.

“Fine,” you say, and Aki and Sun both light up, clapping their hands. “But you come with me,” you say to Lara. Aki and Sun are not idiots. Lara is. Like you, Lara is enough of a dumbass to take this kind of bait. “Unless you’re too pussy.”

“What?” Lara says, indignant. “I’m not afraid.”

“OK, we both go.” You offer your hand before she can think better of it, and Lara shakes it. That was quick. Instead of checking out Sweden with your family, you thought you’d be partying with your team. Instead of partying with your team, you’re going to a Swedish masochism dungeon with Lara.

“And we don’t tell Ingrid about this,” you add.

“Oh, no. No,” Lara says quickly. “We aren’t savages. Of course, she won’t tell you about her weekend.”

“Wait,” you say. “What’s she doing?”