Shook Me To My Core

This was crazy. This couldn’t happen. This couldn’t be the way that this happened.

In a way it was insane to think about. I mean I’d grown up as a man and as a man I’d hardly been precious about keeping my virginity intact. Quite the opposite in fact. I’d been eager, I’d been so damn eager, to rid myself of it.

Then all this happened and frankly things changed for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to fuck someone, oh god I wanted to fuck someone so badly, but rather that my mind and my body and my will and my wants seemed so at odds from one another with no sense of where the truth lay except that it was somewhere in the middle.

I couldn’t help but feel like all of this was happening so fast. Less than 24 hours in this body and I was pressed up against a wall, my panties slipping down my hips and my dress tugged down around my shoulders. This man was kissing my breasts, pressing his hands up and squeezing them through my bra and slowly teasing my cup down to expose more and more of me.

And his cock was throbbing in my hand, the instincts in him and his intentions for me extremely clear. He wanted to get this done. He wanted to fuck me.

And a part of me wanted to just give in and get it over with.

It wasn’t even that it was him that gave me pause. Don’t get me wrong Blake was a complete and utter asshole but he was hot and he felt good next to me. He had the air of experience, enough that I felt like if I gave myself to him for the first time it certainly wouldn’t be a bad time and that was enough, right?

But it wasn’t going to happen and I had to accept that.

Not now.

Not tonight.

Or at the very least not with him.

The heat in my belly was twisting it around and making me freeze up right now, but a cry from across the clearing woke something in me as I realized that I could be crying like that soon enough and that I didn’t know if I really wanted it.

Not knowing, even that little bit of not knowing, was enough to spur me into action.

My hand snapped up and my fingers buried themselves in Blakes hair. Hard I tugged, pulling his head back and pulling his lips off my body.

“Stop,” I said, gritting my teeth, “Stop acting like I’m going to fuck you tonight.”

Now I was angry, angry enough to pull him away. I half expected him to pull back and yell at me, calling me a tease or a slut or any one of the dozen or so things that boys like to call girls who won’t give in to their manipulations.

But instead he smiled, grinning and choosing his words carefully.

“I can’t say I’m disappointed,” he mused, “I thought you were a little too easy, considering the girl I saw tonight. In fact it would be a disappointment if you didn’t make me work for it.”

My eyes rolled so hard I’m pretty sure it made a noise, “Don’t fucking start with that. You’re the one who dropped his pants unasked for.”

“And you’re the one who is still stroking my cock,” he shot back, a fact that I noticed and quickly rectified by pulling my hand back, placing it in his chest, and pushing him away.

He didn’t really move, or rather I didn’t really move him. Blake was bigger and stronger than me and if he wanted he could have held fast, but staying pressed against me didn’t really give him anything to gain, not unless he wanted to be a real monster. So he took a step back and turned away, spinning back to his old place at my side while we watched Kim ride her new friend in the middle of the clearing.

We paused for an instant, the two of us next to each other with a few inches of space between us. Ahead of us in the clearing girl-Kim was riding her new friend, her whole body on display as he stared up at her reverently.

I couldn’t help it. I had to ask.

“You’re not going to push? You’re not going to-“

“Emily,” Blake breathed out exasperated, “I may be a dick but I’m not an asshole. When a girl says no I listen, even if I think she might secretly want to say yes.”

He flashed me a grin and then went back to staring at the scene in front of us but me, I couldn’t look away from him. I couldn’t help but stare at my bully, at the man who’d made my life hell for so many years, and wonder if I maybe had him all wrong all along.

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