A Little Bit of Self Love

I love being her. Being Emily.

Because she is the center of attention and because she is an object of desire but because, more than that or anything else, she can feel so much.

And so I can. I can feel this body moving beneath me with all of the potential that it has.

So much more flexible than any body I’ve ever had before. So much more powerful too, with a strength that is different and that yet I cannot quite put my finger on. This ability to coil like a spring and bounce back like a shotgun burst, wreaking havoc in any way I wish.

Laughing out loud I feel it bubble out of me, burbling from the heart of me and passing my lips. I feel it spark off beneath my skin like fireworks, absolute delight that makes me bound and rebound as I grab at Rachel and pull her into me.

When my eyes open again they are heavily lidded and my hands are filled with her, my body full of the touch of her, but my interest far beyond her alone. I see the crowd around me and I want them to watch me. For the first time in my whole damn life I want to show off.

It is no effort at all to let go of her and whoop again, spinning out and away with my hands far above my head. My whole body wriggles like a snake and like a wave that runs up and down me, the movement coming so natural as I let both the music and the needs and understanding of this body guide my movements.

Hands slipping down and running down my form. Tracing the outline of me as I breathe out slow and long. Shuddering at the feeling as I spin in a slow circle and see the faces staring back at me.

They want me. They want me on Rachel and they want me alone. They want to get me and take me and do to me all the things I dreamed of when I was in my bed.

The feelings and needs of this body present in my psyche, in my mind. Telling me what I could have if only I gave in to this new experience.

When I’d been touching myself this afternoon I had felt the power of pleasure in her body and I knew that it was something else. It was unblemished, it was unleashed, it was so ragged and raw that it made me gasp and shudder as I tumbled over the edge of my climax.

A climax that nearly threatened to consume me as my sole purpose in this world but god it would be a good purpose in life. To chase that high again and again? I could live that way. I could be that way.

I could let them in, I knew that I could. I could let them draw me away and drag me to those dark corners and fill the empty spaces in me. One after another after another pulsing with their need that never came close to matching my own because I would always want more. I would always hunger for it.

That didn’t scare me. It empowered me. It made me realize, maybe for the first time, that I could have a different kind of life than I’d ever had before.

That I could be a different kind of person.

I felt her reaching for me through the crowd, her arm pressing and snaking through the gap until she pulled me back to her. Hands on hips and hands on so much more now. Bodies pressed together with the smell of her perfume heady in the air and the naked lust in her eyes unable to ignore.

And I knew that she saw it in me as well, knew why she’d picked me out. Rachel saw me as a kindred spirit and maybe I was or maybe I wasn’t but it was something I was ready to explore.

Ducking in closer, swaying in tighter. Bodies pressed together and her breasts pressing against mine. Softness against softness as her hands held me to her, as our lips parted slightly from the exertion and partly from the anticipation of a kiss.

That little moment of quiet before the connection, where you both hold in your breath in anticipation and you both draw a little closer. Where you concentrate on memorizing every last inch of her body and every last second of this moment before the connection.

Where the world melts away until it is just the two of you standing quiet in the middle of it. The pounding roar of the music fading into the background as you dip down closer, as your lips nearly connect. Just before they do.

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