Someone Must Go First

Paige accepted the cup of tea from Trevor's hands and settled back into her seat, smoothing her skirt as she did. Trevor took his own seat opposite her.

"You haven't been too cooped up in here, have you?" she asked.

"I get out some," he told her. "I've walked around the lake a bit. Nat and I grab lunch some days. Did you know she's starting up a garden?"

"Good for her," Paige said sincerely.

"You should stop by some time and see it, it's really coming along. You wouldn't think so what with, you know, the desert, but she's making it work."

"That'd be nice. Maybe we could both go over some time. I haven't seen her since our first day here. How's she doing."

"She's doing well," he said, but then his voice grew a little suspicious. "Surprisingly well. I think she might be putting on a face for me."

"She's your little sister. She probably just doesn't want you to worry."

"Twin sister," he corrected, but she waved him off.

Paige ran the strands of her ponytail through her fingers. "What about Riley? Do you see him at all?" She tried to make the question sound casual.

Trevor's spoon clinked as he stirred it around in his cup. "He was over a couple nights ago. I haven't seen him since though."

"How did he seem?" She didn't want to appear over-eager, but she waited on his words hungrily.

"Not...not great Paige. I managed to distract him a little, and that did liven him up, but...I'm worried. I tried to reach out but he didn't want to talk." Trevor shook his head. "He's normally so effusive. I don't like it when he clams up like that. How's he seem to you?"

Paige took a sip of her tea. "I wouldn't know."

Trevor leaned forward. "You haven't seen him yet?"

She shook her head and stared at her lap. "I mean, I've sent servants over to his suite to see if he wanted to...but no. Not yet. He'll come see me when he's ready."

Trevor leaned back again and just stared at her.

When she grew uncomfortably, Paige finally asked, "What?"

"You haven't actually gone over to his suite yourself?"

"Have you?"

"That's not the point. If you really wanted to see him you'd have knocked on his door. What's holding you back Paige."

"It's...a little weird to talk about," she finally admitted.

"You don't have to if you don't want to then. I'm just concerned, not trying to pry."

Paige sighed. It was hard not to want to open up to him. He had a way of just making her feel comfortable. She could see why him and Riley were best friends, Riley had always needed that little push. She tried to rally the strength to talk about this. It wasn't very easy for her to discuss sex stuff.

"It's um, it's about what he said in the contest. At the end. About the uh..." she cleared her throat, "...the kind of thing that interests him."

Trevor seemed confused. "Paige, that was a lie."

"The end of it was, yeah. After Violet told him to keep going. But the first part wasn't."

"When he said he was in to butt stuff?"

She felt herself blush. "Trevor!"

He laughed, and despite herself she cracked a smile. "It's hard enough already," she said, looking aside.

"Sorry, I'm just teasing. Go on."

"Right, well, yeah, when he said that, that wasn't a lie. Only the embellishment was."

Trevor frowned. "You don't know that. Not for a fact."

"I know Riley though, and he wasn't lying. I can always tell."

"And it upsets you?"

"Well...yeah! It's gross." She shivered a little, the thought disgusted her.

"And that's it? You're upset just because it's gross?"

She continued to play with her ponytail. "I guess it's more that...well, it's not a secret what the show thinks my 'role' is."

Trevor waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts.

"Before," she continued, "I thought that Riley was as disgusted as I was. That we were on the same page. But the thought of him somehow enjoying it eats at me. Like when this is over and we go home he might be thankful for the changes."

"Paige," Trevor said flatly, "that's ridiculous."

"No it's not!" she said quickly. "I mean, I don't see why it would be."

"You look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you think Riley is rooting for Violet over you and I'll take your word on it."

"That's not what I meant."

"No, you meant that you feel betrayed because Riley might secretly be deriving some enjoyment from the things you're suffering through."

That was a much better way to put it. All that philosophy training really gave him a way with words.

"It's still ridiculous though," he continued. "I don't think Riley could take joy from anyone's struggles, let alone yours. I promise you, there's nothing he finds sexy about your pain and it's absurd to think otherwise."

She nodded. Deep down she knew that she'd always agreed with him. It was an anxiety though, a fear of what could be true, not necessarily what was. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm just venting."

"I know."

"It's still weird though."

"What is?"

"Well, I just never thought of him as being into...that kind of stuff."

Trevor snorted.

"What?" she asked.

"Paige, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You pick a man out of a lineup and nine hundred and ninety nine times out of a thousand he's going to be into something you think is gross."

"Yeah, but that?"

"It is, and I cannot stress this enough, incredibly common."

Well that couldn't be true. "It can't be that common."

"It really can be. Have you ever been on a porn site?"

She blushed. "I'm not from a cloister, Trevor. I've seen porn."

"Watching Cinemax doesn't count."

She threw a pillow at him, laughing, and he managed to get his arm up in time to block it. "Just because I'm not a pervert doesn't make me naive. I just don't get it, I mean..." she leaned in conspiratorially, whispering, "...that's where we poop from."

Trevor laughed uproariously while she flushed.

"Well it's true," she mumbled, but his laugh was infection and she soon found herself cracking a smile.

Eventually he calmed down, and then slowly a sober expression drew across his face. "Paige, can I tell you what I think?"

"Of course," she said. She valued his opinion. He may have started off as one of Riley's friends, but he was hers now too.

"I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill so that you don't have to confront the real reason you're avoiding Riley."

She felt her throat tighten. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think it's what Riley said at the contest that's keeping you away from him, I think it's what you said."

Crushing shame threatened to overwhelm her. "I didn't mean to say that. I just...cracked. It was the first thing that came to my mind and I just said it."

"It's not your fault," he said gently.

"Isn't it though?" she asked, feeling tears well in her eyes. Please don't let her cry.

Trevor looked conflicted about something. "It really isn't. You made a mistake. A simple mistake that anyone could have made under that kind of pressure. It isn't your fault, it's Violet's. Her and the rest of the show's. You did nothing wrong."

Oh no. She was crying now. She really hadn't wanted him to see her like this. "He's going to blame me."

"No, he isn't. He loves you, and that's not the kind of man he is. Besides, blame you for what? Has anything about your relationship actually changed? Or is it just a few details about how you met?"

"Just how we met," she admitted. "But he's always felt inferior to you."

Her hand shot to her mouth and she made a **** sound. She hadn't just said that. Please let her not have just said that.

"What?" Trevor asked, a little shocked.

"I wasn't supposed to say that."

"That's absurd. Riley's like, easily twice as smart as I am. He's literally got trophies that prove it."

"Can we please just let it go. I really wasn't supposed to say that." She could hear her heartbeat in her ears.

Trevor stared at her for a long moment, but then shook his head in disbelief and said, "Sure." He let it drop.

"I'm right though," he said after a while. "It's not your fault, and he won't blame you."

Paige both wanted desperately to see Riley and also to avoid him forever. If Trevor was wrong and Riley was mad at her she would have no idea how to handle it. She couldn't imagine losing him. It was unthinkable.

"What should I do?"

Trevor thought about it. "He hasn't reached out to you either?"

She shook her head.

"Maybe he does need a little space. Not because of you," he was quick to add, "but for his own stuff. He's a guy Paige, and he has to feel emasculated right now. Who could blame him. We don't like our girls around when we feel that way. But don't give him too much space. A day or two more, at the most. Then, if he hasn't reached out, go over and **** the issue. You know that sometimes he needs a little push to come out of his shell."

"How do I help him?"

"The absolute most important thing is to let him know you love him." He furrowed his brow in thought. "Not unconditionally."

"What?"

"Don't just say you love him no matter what. Tell him why. Make it specific. It can't come off as platitudes. You need to anchor him."

Paige nodded. That made sense. She had a lot to think about then. She'd need to get it right.

"Thanks Trevor, for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Eh, you'd be fine," he said.

She smiled, but she wasn't sure how much she agreed.

"You need to reach out to him too," she said. "You're an important part of his life. He'll need you."

Trevor actually looked guilty. "Yeah, you're right. Tomorrow. I promise."

"Good." She looked around the suite. "So what do you actually do for fun around here?"

He smiled. "I've got some video games if you want."

"I'll pass I think."

"Yeah, thought you might say that. Movie?"

"What do you have?"

"If I understand it right, literally all of them."

Paige whistled. "Well look at you. They're treating you right up here in your palace."

"Come on," he said, standing. "Let's pick something out."

Paige followed him into the bedroom and after some back and forth arguing they settled on an old comedy. Trevor let her get changed for bed first, so she made her way into the bathroom.

She'd brought a nightie with her that fell about three inches below her butt. It was paper thin but not transparent, and that was enough to qualify it as 'modest' given her options.

She could feel the air against her...backside. She almost always could these days, what with it being left exposed by both her butt cheeks and her underwear. In the nightie though the drafts were more noticeable. She felt incredibly exposed. Trevor wouldn't be able to actually see anything, but there was only the thinnest layer of fabric between him and it. She swallowed and headed back into the bedroom.

While Trevor took her place to change into his own pajamas she hopped into bed. When he came back out he was wearing fleece pants and a tank top. He was in good shape. She was glad that he hadn't gotten that Beefcake transformation; it'd be a shame if he had gotten all big and gross like those weightlifters did.

Trevor stopped. "You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You seem nervous."

"No, it's nothing."

"Come on," he prodded. "You can tell me."

Paige sighed. "It's stupid. It's just that, um, I've never actually slept in a bed with a guy before."

"What? Not even Riley?"

"Especially not Riley. I mean, I've fallen asleep while cuddling with him, like on a couch, but never actually, you know, going to bed with him."

Trevor gave her a sad smile. "That's not stupid. If you're not ok, we can figure something out."

"No," she insisted. "It's fine. It's not a big deal."

He stared at her to make sure she really was ok, and evidently satisfied slid under the covers on the opposite side of the bed from her. He was a good guy.

Paige didn't make it until the end of the movie before she was asleep.