Calm

My eyes clamped shut I cling to my Mommy. Had she not been there to hold me I would have surely fallen. Evelyn holds me close and soothes me with her healing presence. In the plain view of neighbors our once secret bond was now there for the world to see. But right now that just didn’t matter.

“I’ve got you baby. I’m right here. And I’m not letting go.”

“He knows.” I whisper between weeping. “He knows. Alan knows! I tried to stop…”

“Shhhh.” Mommy pets me and kisses me. “Shhhh, baby.”

“Diane…told him. I couldn’t…stop her. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“My…mother…” I heave with a wracking sob. “…hit me. She hit me.”

“No! Ohhhh my boy.” Her arms tighten around me. “My precious boy.”

“It’s okay Donny. She’s gone.” Kitty says, she and Alan had approached us as I wept. “We chased her away. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

Without opening my eyes I nod. “Thank you Kitty.”

She rubs my shoulder. “I love you Donny.”

“Love youuu!”

“Evelyn…” Alan says in a low, soft tone.

“Not now!” Evelyn says. “I’m sorry Alan. I’m so sorry. We’ll talk later.”

“Evelyn…”

“Just a few minutes.” She says. “I promise we’ll talk. But right now…I have to look after my boy.”

Keeping me held close she leads me into the house and up the stairs to her room. Closing the door behind her she takes me to the bed where she we sit side by side. She lays me down and turns me so that she might cradle my head and upper body to her. My face nestled in her warm, soft bosom she gently rocks me and whispers. “Mommy’s here baby. I’m not going to let anybody hurt you. I’ve got you baby.”

My frazzled spirit needing a hard reset I fully give myself over to my baser impulses. Turning my mind off I let simple animal instinct take over…and I begin to nuzzle. And Evelyn does not deny me.

“Hold on baby. Here it comes.” Keeping my head in her left arm she unbuttons her blouse and pulls her bra up over her big plump teat.

I feel for the nipple with my nose and lips and quickly find it. I latch onto her and immediately begin to suckle.

“Mmm, mmm, mmm.” I coo needily.

“There it is. Good boy.”

Opening my eyes I peer up to see my angel looking back. There was so much worry and love in her beautiful hazel eyes. She knew I was hurting and she would do anything to succor my pain away. With our deep soul gaze established I begin to nurse.

Trained by our daily sessions I had come to understand, instinctively, that the nipple meant calm, it meant safe, it meant love. The metallic taste of adrenaline is replaced by the sweet flavor of milk as I draw it from the nipple. And with that taste, supported in Mommy’s loving arms, I find myself again. My pulse slows, my breathing settles in to long, deep, steady breaths, and my whole buzzing body that had been revved up by trauma and terror settles into serene tranquility. Lost in her eyes and swaddled by her love all the pain and fear just…dissolve away.

Through my wide gazing eyes she sees the change come over me and smiles. She wipes my tears away. Running her fingers through my hair she whispers. “My boy. My beautiful boy.”

Our moment is interrupted by the bedroom door slowly swinging open. I go to pull away but Evelyn holds me in place. Her face grimaces as if in pain but her eyes remain on mine.

“Alan…please…”

Stepping softly Alan approaches us to stand nearby. Out of my peripheral vision I could see him looming over us.

Evelyn then breaks our gaze. Looking up at her husband she pleads. “Don’t hurt him.” Her arms cling to me. “Don’t you dare hurt my boy.”

He tilts his head as he takes in the strange scene before him.

“Alan.” She shudders as tears well up. “It’s not his fault. Blame me. Blame me! Don’t you touch him.” She says. “It was all me. I’m sorry!”

He looks at her then back to me. Coming around to her right he moves the pillow out of the way and sits down beside her.

“Y-you have every right to be angry. I know what I’ve done to you.” She says. “I’ve lied. I’ve cheated. I’ve betrayed everything we had. I…I don’t…know…how…to…”

His face calm, his body relaxed, Alan puts an arm around his wife’s shoulder. His other hand he brings to my head! I expect him to crush it like juicing a grapefruit, so did Evelyn as she tries to shield me, but instead he pets my hair tenderly as a little smile softens his hard, chiseled features.

“He’s doing better I see.” Alan says quietly. “He’s a good looking man. I can see why he caught your eye.”

Evelyn gasps, as stunned by her husband’s reaction as I was. As he gently strokes my hair her body relaxes. She sniffles and looks down at me. “He’s my beautiful boy.”

“He really makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

She nods, feeling guilty but unable to deny the truth.

“I’ve sensed it. I knew something had changed.” He says. “I saw the spark back in your eyes again. I saw…the woman I love return.”

“Oh Alan.”

As they talk I just nurse and watch.

“I won’t say that this doesn’t hurt.” He says. “But I’m not angry. You found a man who can give you…what I never could.”

“Alan…I love you.” She says. “But…I love him too. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was just a man for hire. A boy to coddle and cuddle and make me feel…whole again.” She sighs. “I didn’t mean it to happen but…I fell in love. I fell in love with him the very first time we met.”

He leans in and kisses his wifes head. “I was the first to break our vows. I knew this might happen.” Alan had cheated on her? This was news to me, though it did explain a few things.

“It wasn’t because of that. I forgave you. Truly. I didn’t do it for ****.”

“Perhaps you forgave me too soon.” He sighs. “But it opened the door for you. For you to find…what you really need.”

She hesitates…then nods. “Yes.”

“I could have never been this for you.”

“And I never would have asked.” She says. “It’s not who you are. You are perfect as the man you are. And he is perfect as the man he is. He understands me. We understand each other.” She brushes some hair from my face. “We need each other.”

“I can see that. And I get it.” He speaks from the heart. “More than you know.” Despite the weirdness of having another adult man curled up and nursing off of his wife there was no judgment in Alan’s gray eyes. If anything he looked happy. Happy that Evelyn had at last found contentment. He smiles and ruffles my hair. “You were really brave out there Donny.”

“Mmm.” I bat my eyes up at him which makes him chuckle.

“You two are something else. When you are all finished here I’d like us to talk. There are some…things that need to be discussed.”

“Of course.” Evelyn says, grateful beyond words. “Thank you Alan. Thank you for…understanding.”

Turning her head toward him Alan kisses her, tenderly and passionately, then stands. “No hurry.” With that he exits the room and quietly closes the door behind him.

Evelyn looks at me. I look at her. Each of us left speechless from how the moment we had dreaded for so long had gone down. For a guy who was so predictable…Alan was full of surprises.