It's not a fun conversation

Things got messy before they got better.

First, Sabrina started crying. Not sobbing or anything, but thick tears as you explained that you and Gemma were saying ‘I Love You.’

Then Gemma was upset that Sabrina was upset because it was obvious that Sabrina was in love with you as well and that wasn’t what this deal between the three of you was supposed to be about.

“I’m sorry,” you said to both of them. Gemma had pulled away from you and was sitting with her back against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest and the sheets keeping her modest as they draped over her legs. Sabrina had also pulled away in the opposite direction, now sitting on your desk chair with your shirt back on her like last night. “Sabrina, I wanted to tell you right away, but you wanted to wait for when the three of us could talk. I- I suggested it to Gemma first, and we decided that we wanted to say it to each other as a code for all the things we were feeling for each other. Gemma is supposed to leave in a couple of months, and neither of us wanted to wait or dance around to tell each other how we were feeling. I said I wanted to tell her I love her because I’m completely attracted to her physically, emotionally and mentally despite the time limit on us. That’s what Love means between us.”

You turned to Gemma now, “And Gemma, I know this might be the worst thing for me to say, and I am so fucking sorry if this hurts you. What you’ve already been through - God, I don’t want this to hurt you. But I’m in love with Sabrina as well. It’s different between the two of you, I feel different things, but it boils down to the same word and it’s not fair to you at all but I love her.” You looked back to Sabrina. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Sabrina said quietly.

Gemma was silent, her forehead resting against her knees as she looked down and away from the two of you.

You wanted to tell her you were sorry again. That you loved her. That you wanted to find a way to make this work or to make it right. And God, thinking about what Gemma had been through with her fiance, you were fucking sorry.

But… you loved Sabrina, too.

It was better not to say anything at all. If you tried prompting her, it could have the exact opposite effect as what you wanted. You could end up pushing her away instead of bringing her closer.

So you waited quietly. Letting her think.

“I’m going to go,” Sabrina said, standing and reaching for her underwear that was still on the floor. “I’m- Gemma, I’m so sorry. I know I promised it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’ll go. I’m sorry. I’m so fucked up, I can’t even keep a single promise.”

“Wait,” Gemma said, lifting her head. She was crying as much as Sabrina was, tears flowing down her cheeks.

Sabrina hesitated, her thong and panties in her hand.

Gemma looked from you to Sabrina and back, and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I thought you wanted to watch us fuck?” she asked Sabrina.

“I-” Sabrina stuttered.

“Gemma,” you said.

“Look, I can’t say I’m thrilled about this,” Gemma said. “But… Well, I know why you would be in love with John, Sabrina. I know how special he makes you feel because he makes me feel that way. And I saw you fuck that first time, I know how good the chemistry is between you. And John...” she sighed heavily. “I can’t blame you for feeling the way you are because we put you in this situation. God, honestly I’m mostly just upset at myself for not connecting the dots that of course a guy like you wouldn’t just stay emotionally cold with your friends with benefits. We chose this. I chose this. I chose you,” she said, looking at you.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath again, then looked at Sabrina. “As long as you can handle me saying it, I can handle you saying it,” Gemma said. “But the rules still stand. I’m his girlfriend, you’re his best friend with all the benefits or however you put it.”

“Really?” Sabrina asked. “You’re OK with this?”

Gemma shifted around, letting the sheet fall away from her as she moved to sit with her legs over your lap and leaning forward to kiss you sweetly. “I love you,” she said to you.

“I love you, too,” you said.

“Now you,” Gemma said to Sabrina.

Sabrina dropped her underwear and crawled back onto the bed, sitting on her knees as she leaned in and kissed you just as sweetly. “I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too,” you said, meaning it just as deeply.

“What now?” Sabrina asked.

Gemma rolled her legs off of you and slipped back under the covers. “Now I think we should just lie like we were before,” she said. “I’m OK with this, but I need to be OK with this, if you know what I mean.”

Sabrina nodded and got under the covers as well, hugging as close to you as Gemma was. You shifted a little so you were all lying down again, and you were surrounded by them.

After about five minutes of silence, you cleared your throat. “So, I guess we’ll save the fuckshow for another time?”

“Oh my God, John,” Gemma groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Not the time, baby,” Sabrina said on your other side.

You smiled and chuckled just a little in your chest. “I love you both,” you said.

“I’m starting to think we both might just be in it for the dick,” Gemma said.

“Definitely,” Sabrina agreed. “You know what? Let’s just find the closest thing we can with a dildo and learn to use strap-ons really well. It would be like having John around all the time, with none of the hassles.”

“Hey, what hassles?” you asked.

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