Battle With A Yoga Mom

My name is James and I’m a 21-year-old college senior. I’ve been on my college’s football team for the past 4 years, currently serving as the star quarter-back. I’m big into going to the gym and working out, but recently I’ve been slacking off in that department. Overall I stand at 5’11 and 170 pounds.

Given all that information, you might be wondering why a guy like me would find himself doing yoga at the local recreational center. Well it’s simple. I’ve always been a very confrontational and in-your-face kind of guy. A couple months ago I kind of took it a bit too far and hurt the guy pretty bad during the scuffle. My coach gave me an ultimatum. It was either yoga or anger management, and I decided I would rather do some stretching exercises with a bunch if whine moms and cuck husbands than sit with a group of strangers and share my feelings. As my grandpa always said, the only thing worse than being **** is admitting that you’re being ****. Plus I had a much greater chance of meeting hot women in yoga, so that was another reason to choose it.

So for the past few weeks I’ve been showing up for my mandatory punishment. It’s annoying but not too bad. Turns out yoga requires quite a bit of core strength, so I’ve been a natural fit. It came to me easily, so the women were immediately swooning over me since I first walked through the door. They’re not used to many men among their classes, especially not young athletic men. It also didn’t hurt that when the instructor **** me to tell the rest of my class why I was there I made up a story of feeling anxious and taking a female friend’s advice to try yoga. They fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

But it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There were quite a few annoying people in my class. There was Dani, a skinny Latina in her early to mid-twenties who always had a condescending remark to throw at whoever was next to her. There was Caden, the insufferable male ‘feminist’ who was clearly only using his ‘activism’ to pick up women. And worst of all, there was Judy. She was truly something else. A 35-year-old divorcee mother of two, she was always 4 minutes late to class, almost to the second, she constantly set up her mat way too close to the unfortunate person of the week, and she had this bitchy attitude as if she thought she was better than everyone. She even tried to take over the class a couple of times, but luckily the instructor caught on and shut that shit down quickly.

But if I kept my head down and ignored the worst people around me, I would be fine. I was not that fortunate that fateful week.

After the end of class, I was packing up my stuff, I got a call from one of my teammates updating me about the upcoming game. It took less than a minute, but apparently that time was enough for everyone to have already left by that point. Everyone but Judy. She was still laying down on her mat, not a care in the world. I did my best to pack quietly so I wouldn’t have to interact with her, but just before I was able to leave, I heard her voice call out