First you need a minute to figure out what's going on.

The morning you received the envelope is a Saturday like any other. You sleep until after 10, throw on a t-shirt and sweatpants, and plop in front of your TV with a bowl of cereal. Your sales job isn't great, but it pays enough for you to afford your own small apartment in NYC, so you can't complain. It's only four rooms, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room, but as a single guy with a modest social life, it meets your needs. And frankly, with how often you end up eating take out or frozen food, you could do without the kitchen.

Just as you're about to take another bite of cereal, there's a knock at your door. You can't think of any reason someone would be at your door at 10:30 on a Saturday, but you go to answer it anyway. Maybe one of your neighbors needs help with something? Undoing the chain lock and swinging the door open, you're startled to see nothing but your neighbor's door across the hall. Looking down, you find a large, plain white envelope sitting directly in front of your threshold. Bending closer to examine it, you see that it's made of glossy cardboard and the only marking on it is your name and address right in the center. You pick it up -- it's heavier than you expected -- and look both ways down the hall for whoever left it. It only took you a few seconds to get to the door, and you didn't hear the elevator or any of your neighbors' doors, yet somehow there's no one out there.

Turning your attention back to the envelope, you close your door, return to the couch, and tear it open. The first thing you find inside is a stack of papers that look like employment documentation, except instead of a company name at the top, they're emblazoned with the words "Female Body Inspector". _What the fuck? _There was a joke website with a "female body inspector job application" that people were talking about a few months ago, but this couldn't be related to that... could it? Yeah, you filled in the application for a laugh, but you didn't even put your real address in. (You were pretty sure the whole thing was set up to steal people's information.) Maybe this is some sort of ARG?

You start to read through the documents. "Congratulations!" they begin, "You have been selected to be the new female body inspector. Should you accept this role, it will be your duty to inspect and examine the bodies of young women in order to give them official ratings." The first section contains details of how you can inspect women, graphically explicit details, in some cases. Indeed, the included descriptions of what you might do to whatever women you decide to inspect or ask them to do to you, are startling, and it takes you a moment to process the fact that someone just put something like this outside your door. No wonder they were in such a hurry to disappear. So far you don't have any idea what this has to do with the ARG, since obviously no woman is about to let you do even a fraction of what's described, but you keep reading.

The second section explains how you can rate women, using an app called "The Clipboard" that's installed on the official phone included with these materials. Sure enough, you find a smartphone in the envelope which unlocks to your face (How the fuck did they get a picture of my face?), with one app installed aside from the basic phone, browser, etc. Certain that this is the key to whatever is going on with this game, you open the clipboard app, but all you find is a blank form with some fields for ratings, a text box at the bottom labeled "Notes", and a small camera icon. Returning to the documents, they explain that when you begin an inspection, the woman's name will appear at the top, and then any scores or notes you include will be understood by everyone to be objectively, factually accurate. Additionally, you may use the camera function to include pictures of the women as supporting material. It's not totally clear who would have access to those pictures.

Finally, the last item in the envelope looks very much like a corporate credit card, except in place of a company name it just says "Female Body Inspector". The third section of the documents explains that you may use the included card for any expenses related to your duties, such as travel, access to places where there are women you intend to inspect, or even tools such as sex toys that you intend to use in your inspections. You can't imagine that it's really a functional credit card, but you wonder if there might be some clue hidden in the numbers?

There's only one page left in the documentation, and all it says is "By reading these documents in full, you officially accept your role as female body inspector." As soon as you finish this sentence, a switch flips in your brain. In that moment you know, know, that this isn't a game, that everything in these documents is true, and that somehow everyone else knows this, too.

Within seconds, your personal phone dings with a text from your best friend, "Congrats on the new gig! Female body inspector?! I'm soooo jealous!"

A couple more texts come in from your friend group, then a phone call. It's your mom. You're not sure how you feel about discussing this particular career move with her.