I Can’t Control My Hands

Neil approached with a big smile and his hands behind him clutching a bouquet.

“Ah Caroline you look lovely. I see you already have flowers though. Where’d those come from?”

“Caroline’s” right hand reached for one of the roses in the vase and put it to her nose to sniff.

“Ohhhh hahaha these are uh, from my ex boyfriend” Caroline said rather plainly. “If I’m going to lie about my hands I’ll at least tell the truth otherwise” she thought to herself. It doesn’t have the effect Caroline wanted as Neil seems to take it as a joke.

“Gosh I always liked your sense of humor you know?” Neil said still chuckling as he sat at the other end of the booth.

“Caroline’s” right hand still grasping the rose began to hold the stem sideways and close to her mouth. With a begrudging sigh she bites onto the rose with her teeth as “her” arms perform a series of silly salsa type dance motions. Realizing what is going on Caroline put on her best smoldering face to match the gestures. Getting tired of it she spat the rose onto her placemat.

“Enough dancing now hands!” Caroline commanded. Neil at first not sure what to make of what’s happening took a beat and began chucking again.

“Man you’re really silly Caroline”

As if acting in an apologetic matter “her” hands picked up the rose and slid it back into the vase carefully and then clasped themselves together and rested on the table.

“Yeah that’s me I’m just a silly gal.”

“Yeah has anyone told you you’re very expressive with your hand motions? Almost like you can’t control them.” Neil asked.

After a moment the hands come unclamped as Caroline said “Uhhh…. Well Evil Dead 2 is one of my favorite movies and my favorite part of that movie is when he can’t control his hand. I think it’s so funny. So sometimes I act like someone else is controlling my hands. It’s my little bit! I’m so glad you picked up on it!” As Caroline spoke “her” hands gestured lightly and appropriately. Glancing down occasionally to make sure she wasn’t being made a fool Caroline was surprised at how much they really looked as though they were her actual arms.

“Oh where are my manners. May I?” Neil reached across the table and grasped one of “Caroline’s” hands and it looked as though he was going to kiss it. “Caroline’s” other hand slapped Neil’s hand away as Caroline looked on in shock. Neil backed away quickly and said “Oh I apologize maybe that was too forward of-“

“Oh no no!” Caroline spoke as “her” hands were pressed against her face for emphasis.

“I’m the one who should apologize. I’m comfortable with you kissing my hand it’s just that it’s a first date and all and I get-“ as Caroline tried to form an appropriate reason for “her” naughty hands they began to trace the lines of her body starting at her legs and leading up to her breasts. “I get-I get a little nervous about someone… touching my body…” Caroline couldn’t help but be affected by the tracing of her right nipple by “her” hand as the other played with her hair.

Neil was shocked. Not only was he on a date with a woman he had admired for long she also seemed to be very flirtatious towards him. Caroline switching between moments of arousal and frustration finally dug her nails into Jeff’s back as hard as she could. Jeff quickly got the picture and let out a very mild yelp.

“Did you hear something?” asked Neil.

“Oh that was my stomach I’m getting hungry. Where’s our waitress?” Caroline said as “her” left hand rubbed her belly.

Just as Caroline spoke the waitress approached the table with bread and a drink list. Caroline was relieved she had been looking forward to her first glass of wine all day. She liked to take the edge off and right now with the performance “her” hands were giving she definitely needed something to ease the stress. Neil examined the drink list and as he ordered an IPA “Caroline’s” hands reached over and grabbed the drink list.

“And what would you like?” the waitress asked turning her attention to Caroline.

“Oh I’ll have-“ the hand that held the drink list put it right in Caroline’s face and it surprised her “Oh! Uh I’ll have..” Before she could finish her order the other hand covered her mouth as her face was hidden behind the drink menu. After a very brief struggle that ended when she bit “her” fingers “her” other uncooperative hand placed the drink list down. The bitten hand shakes off for a brief moment and points triumphantly and repeatedly at something on the drink menu. Caroline looking down at the drink “her” hands have selected takes another deep sigh. With a total lack of enthusiasm reads from the menu.

“The mimosa flight please.”

“That’s a great choice is it gonna be for just you or both of you?” the waitress asks. Before Caroline can respond “her” hands begin gesturing toward her with a two thumbs up motion.

“Just me! Just this gal!” Caroline says trying to match the absurd energy of “her” hands.